Round in circles...

blubella

So, here I am again, back after approximately 6 years after clearing all of my debt. I was approximately £25,000 in debt at that time and swore never to be in this situation again..yet here I am! I have been in denial for the last 2 years, paying the minimum payments on my DEBT cards and wishing for a resolution since splitting up with my BF 2 years ago. I felt so angry and like a darn right gullible fool as in my helping him out I have paid the price of taking on his debt. 

At first it was..'Can you loan me this' and 'I'll pay you back.' I've never been very good at saying no and it got to the point that I ended up spending £12,000 paying for things like his rent, food, cigarettes, fuel etc etc etc as he could not get credit and was constantly in debt. I guess I wanted to help him and in my caring I have probably learnt the biggest lesson of my life. He never paid and I just kept giving. He eventually paid me back around £1,000 but I have come to the realisation that it is unlikely that I will ever see the money again. I have also come to accept that I just need to get on with it and start to address the elephant in the room, and I actually feel the happiest I've felt in several years! My anxiety and depression was starting to eat away at me and the more I thought about the situation the more angry I felt. I remortgaged my house when we split and I used the money to survive last year as I was only doing a little freelance work which wasn't cutting it. I've had to let the feelings go and now it is time to start facing up to it.

I found keeping a debt free diary helped motivate me the first time around. I re-read it today and was impressed at how resourceful and thrifty I was. Checking in on here with my progress, meal plans and even my daily chores helped to me focus and was really motivational, even if I was talking to myself at times. Unfortunately, I can't add to my old diary, so I've had to start anew.

I started the year with 3 x CC's with an overall debt of £5626.81. I also have some personal debts to a friend and family of £4,000 in total. They have said that I can take my time to pay those, so I am focusing on clearing the CC with the 0% ending this summer. Obviously, I want to address those debts as quickly as possible too. Nothing is worse than owing to family or friends.

My CC Debt JANUARY 2024
1. S'Bury £44.36 PAID and closed 20/02/24
2. S'andr £1808.21 currently £1697.54
3. B'Card £3774.24 currently £3551.19

I've just landed myself a new job, so at least I will be back on a regular income which means that I can start allocating more than my minimum payments to the CC's. I've just started sending a few  little £OP's to S'andr which is a really good feeling.

mark55man

You've done it once and you know you can do it again.  Don't fret about the cause of the debt just deal with it.  Indeed knowing it wasn't your own spending that led to this is actually a big plus. 

Trying to build your ability to avoid being over generous is a separate challenge.  Hopefully you won't need it in your next relationship but at least you know the signs to watch out for.

Good luck on your journey going forwards!!

Aimingforthegoodlife

Hi @blubella just spotted this diary after seeing you got rid of a debt over on the pay off debts by Christmas 2024 thread! Would love to read your old diary, sounds super inspirational. It sounds like you have had a truly difficult time, I am glad you have had time to work on yourself and are feeling ready to work on yourself and the debts! I will subscribe and pop back to see how you are getting on

blubella

Thank you @mark55man, that is a positive way of looking at the situation which I hadn't considered. I've spent 2 years reflecting and getting angry in the process which has had a massively negative impact upon my mental health. I can say that I have definitely learnt the lesson the hard way. The red flags were there but I kept ignoring them. In finally accepting that I have to deal with the debt, I feel lighter and ready to tackle it head on now. Freedom bound...

blubella

@Aimingforthegoodlife

My old diary is: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5312635/stopping-robbing-peter-to-pay-paul-my-journey/p1

Didn't realise the diary was 9 years old, it took me nearly 3 years to pay off my previous debt completely but I got there in the end.. and here we go again. It's funny reading back, that my goals and aspirations are the same, yet I have got no nearer to achieving them. It's easy to become complacent when things are looking up but then so easy to fall back into a dark hole of despair. I too am aiming for the good life  . thank you for following along.

blubella

I've been away on a training course, living out of a hotel for 3 weeks. Ended up spending so much more money than I would have, than if I was at home. I had to eat an evening meal out every night and it was a little lonesome to say the least, not to say that the evenings aren't at home, but I guess it becomes more obvious when you are away from home for weeks on end. I travelled home for the weekends which was a flying visit, consisting of laundry and repacking ready for an early drive on Monday morning. I managed to keep the costs down at the weekend and tried to live out of the freezer.  

The highlight of the course was getting time to visit my aunty, my son's other granny and a Uni friend who I have not seen for years. They all live within about a 30 minute drive of the hotel. It was lovely to have some company and not eat takeaway on those nights. I squeezed in a few walks on the beach and it was so nice to get a breath of sea air and see some different surroundings before the light dimmed. It was not only the bank balance that was impacted, the waistband too (I'm not sure that it is possible to lose half a stone in a weekend to fit into my new uniform) . I'm still hopeful that I may be able to claim back the expenses for my evening meals and maybe fuel too but i'm waiting on some codes to access the expenses app. If politicians can do it eh!!

On a positive, I passed the exams. I had to resit one as I got completely flustered and once I made one mistake it was all downhill. I also received a couple of payments from some freelance work, so I'm going to overpay one of the CC's right this minute if it is not closed for maintenance at this ungodly hour...

mark55man

Expenses are a pain especially if its not clear what's allowed, but push your case - receipts make that easier.

On the other hand the change to walk by the seaside is always to be taken

Just take stock for a few days and enjoy being at home again then you deal with the £££s and the lbs

blubella

I do not have to go back into my new job until Wednesday and then I will start shift work which I am not looking forward to.  As a poor sleeper, there is nothing worse than staying up past 22:00. Looking on the bright side, the pattern is much more favourable than the original shift pattern that I was presented with. I have managed to agree a flexible working contract, so I will work no later than 02:00. I don't think my body and mind could cope with an all nighter. Memories of all night raving is such a distant memory, my dancing shoes were well and truly hung up many moons ago.

@mark55man yes, expenses are such a pain. I am sure I heard that there is a flat rate of £15 for an evening meal. I am hoping so, as that would cover my lunch and evening meal! I will get on the case next week and find out who I need to contact. Luckily I have kept all my receipts if needed.

So, I don't have my first shift until Wednesday morning and want to make plans to be more productive until I start, despite having hurt my back last week. Sadly, I do not think a trip to the allotment is on the cards this weekend but I'm going to get some seeds on the go at home and hope the weeds at the allotment don't multiply in the interim. I'm also going to list a few things on the bay and see if I get any sales. This is the one thing that I put off time and time again..it's just so time consuming but I think I could make a few pennies to chuck at the debt cards. I have to try and clear part of the balance on the B'card as the 0% ends in June and that's around £1,300.

I am trying my hardest to accrue a few NSD's as my performance last month was so poor. I've got plenty of fruit and vegetables in the fridge and a few home made freezer meals as well as a few store cupboard essentials. So I think I am going to make a Dahl for the freezer today and buttery garlic chicken with butterbean puree and broccoli. I love broccoli sooo much and hope my grow is more successful this year with pigeon proofing planned. Don't say it..I know I won't be addressing the lbs! Hoping to get a few odd DIY jobs finished too as I am considering selling up.

blubella

Going to post little updates to remind myself of my progress and give myself a little cheer along the way. I've paid more than I anticipated in the last 3 months and my CC Debts now stand at:

1. S'Bury £44.36 PAID and closed 20/02/24
2. S'andr £1808.21 currently £1300
3. B'Card £3774.24 currently £3400.00

I can't find anywhere on my S'andr statement that tells me when the 0% ends, so I'm off to try and dig out some paperwork to see if it's written anywhere. A portion (as of today, £1,208.54) of the B'card, 0% ends on 01/06/24. So may need to switch to focusing on getting that portion down quicker. The remainder of the B'card is ok until next year as that was a balance transfer. Off to find the paperwork and cook some lunch..

Aimingforthegoodlife

I do love a little round up, really helps to keep the motivation up! I will have a nosy at the old diary, I love reading how people get on. I have been around these boards for years, under a previous name but I forgot all the log in details so came back, I have no yet learnt my lesson fully

blubella

Started my new  job on Wednesday and was super organised with my meal prep for the week. I started a diet a week ago and have resisted the urge to gorge on the  mini chocolate rolls and chocolate biscuits doing the office rounds so far. It was a tough week, mainly due to continued back pain but I am thankful that it is slowly on the mend. Sitting for 8-12 hours was no joke.

Other than that, I have had a pretty lazy week and have been resting up. I managed to take a slow walk yesterday to meet my friend for a coffee and think I may brave the elements today for a short one. I have started wearing my Fitbit you see and have to show to be willing 

Small triumphs: 

• I have got back into cooking which I am enjoying and I've been increasing my fruit, vegetable and water intake which is a positive step forward. 
• I've listed 24 items on the Bay, it's a bit hit and miss these days but will be worth the time and effort if I sell a few items. 
• Oh.. and I totted up my debt payments and OP's today and have paid £1026 since starting in January. I am so glad that I signed up for a few challenges as it has really spurred me on. Think I've made £575 in OP's according to the colour by numbers debt plan that I created. It's all about the small pleasures, isn't it!

My friend has invited me away for 5 days in April to a caravan in Dartmoor, hot tub included. Think I'm going to have to join her. It's only £90 and I can pay over 2 months £45. Will promise to keep an eye on the purse strings but can't be all work and no play can it?

Anyways, have a happy Sunday x