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“Perfect house…” BUT same street at PARENTS
Comments
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Personally not a bad idea but depends on the relationship you have with them.
2 -
As well as being your parents, how does your partner like the idea of being so close to the in-laws?
I would not let being near to parents detract from the perfect house, but I do know some pitfalls from personal experience:
- Big benefit is local support network for child care, watering the plants when away, taking in deliveries etc.
- When I was a child, my Grandmother's house was on the obvious route to the local shops. As she aged, she would sit in the front and demand you went in on any passing by. It meant we had to walk around the block instead.
- Give thought as to whether to let them have a key (which would invalidate the watering plant while away stuff). When my wife and I first married, both our sets of parents had keys for emergency. My MiL would abuse that and just come round and let herself in. We had to take some stern measures to end that behaviour. When we moved, we did not give keys to any of our parents.
- My Mum lives two streets away now and my MiL 6 miles away - both can be demanding and require attention. Would that be any different if they lived in the same street? Probably just the same.
My experiences are just one case and do not make a good data set.
The last point, though, really shows it is down to the individuals more than being on the same street. As my MiL demonstrates, if you live "near", then the expectation of beck-and-call can still be there. Same town or same street makes no difference to that. We'd have to live "far away" to change that behaviour.2 -
We live in the same town as my Mum and have done for 20 odd years. When we first moved out here we had a discussion about the level of proximity both we and my parents felt comfortable with. When we were house hunting this time my Rightmove search excluded the area directly around Mum’s house by mutual agreement.🎉 MORTGAGE FREE (First time!) 30/09/2016 🎉 And now we go again…New mortgage taken 01/09/23 🏡
Balance as at 01/09/23 = £115,000.00 Balance as at 31/12/23 = £112,000.00
Balance as at 31/08/24 = £105,400.00 Balance as at 31/12/24 = £102,500.00
£100k barrier broken 1/4/25
Balance as at 31/08/25 = £ 95,450.00. Balance as at 31/12/25 = £ 91,100.00
SOA CALCULATOR (for DFW newbies): SOA Calculatorshe/her1 -
RedfordML said:Some really good factors and commmets on here, thankyou!If we like the house (in person - got a viewing tomw!) I think at that stage we speak to family. They might not be happy but reality is with our 3 children, they will get to see kids easier as they are mid 70s. They also know we wouldn’t be knocking on their door…we get on…but from a distance. Maybe it will be best kept that way…unless the house really blows us away.Can't quite figure out what your concern is - that your folks may be too intrusive on you, or that they might be concerned about the same coming from you!Q - do/will you 'need' them for anything, such as babysitting? Houseplant watering? Hopefully it's 'no' for the former, and your nice new neighbours will do the latter.So - you don't 'need' them. They won't have you over an emotional barrel. Cool.In which case, you should be able to handle any other issue. Set this new near-neighbour relationship up on your terms. No-one is 'entitled'. It's give-and-take. If one takes the piddle, then reset the boundaries.If this is your dream home, then go for it.That can be hard to do if you actually 'need' them for anything, and they are the type to take note of this, and 'expect' in return.If they call over unannounced and/or too often, you need to tackle this. Either gentle to begin with - "Great to see you, but we are in the middle of dinner/DIYing/bondage/etc - so we don't have a minute...", - or with a bit more honesty - "Lovely to see you, but we're still trying to get to grips with our new house, and find time to relax - we'll give you a call and invite you for dinner soon..." - or blunt, "(I'm sure you can fill in the gaps)"Our mil lives half-way between us and sil, 5 mins away by car. Thankfully, we don't 'owe' her anything, but sil has a dawg (that we cautioned against) and a young son, so does ask if mil can 'babysit'. That means that sil feels she 'owes', and mil has these expectations too (yup, that kind of family). Although I do a steady stream of jobs for her, I often refuse to do 'stupid' tasks that anyone can do (I suggest she asks sil instead - which she hates doing, since that means she'll 'owe' her instead...), or I pick and choose the time, say when a few tasks have built up. We are in a position of not 'owing' anything in return, so our relationship is on our terms only.It's great; mil knows she 'owes' us - tho' we don't think of it in these terms at all - and we do a lot more for her than anyone else. We do stuff solely because it's the 'right' thing to do, and we want to. None of this stupid emotional blackmail carp. And I have a few bottles of Red Label to show for it. Doing these wee jobs is now enjoyable, like it hasn't been for decades, because there had always been this weird undercurrent before that I couldn't place my finger on. Sil, otoh, gnashes her teeth, because she 'needs' mil's help, and has to cope with all that comes with that. Ditto in reverse. There's this unspoken out-doing of each other...It's a great big LOL all 'round :-)Soooo, sort out in your mind what the issues are, and could be. And equally sort out in your mind how you will deal with them should they arise. Be as honest as you can, and always calm & smiley, and never petulant or churlish (leave that to others). If they have their nose put out, then that's their problem, and their cause. Just give them time, and they'll come around. (Hopefully metaphorically, I mean...)5
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^^^ Brilliant post.🎉 MORTGAGE FREE (First time!) 30/09/2016 🎉 And now we go again…New mortgage taken 01/09/23 🏡
Balance as at 01/09/23 = £115,000.00 Balance as at 31/12/23 = £112,000.00
Balance as at 31/08/24 = £105,400.00 Balance as at 31/12/24 = £102,500.00
£100k barrier broken 1/4/25
Balance as at 31/08/25 = £ 95,450.00. Balance as at 31/12/25 = £ 91,100.00
SOA CALCULATOR (for DFW newbies): SOA Calculatorshe/her0 -
0
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Completely subjective. For example, I'd be delighted to be that close to my parents, and I think (hope!) they would too.2
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Haha - not as such. My Mum IS close by, and we are indeed round there fairly regularly helping with odd jobs etc, but there is no presumption of "owing" on either side thank goodness - that must indeed be very uncomfortable to live with as everyone tries to "keep score" presumably! MrEH's Mum is about 250 miles away though - thankfully there are other family members far closer!ThisIsWeird said:🎉 MORTGAGE FREE (First time!) 30/09/2016 🎉 And now we go again…New mortgage taken 01/09/23 🏡
Balance as at 01/09/23 = £115,000.00 Balance as at 31/12/23 = £112,000.00
Balance as at 31/08/24 = £105,400.00 Balance as at 31/12/24 = £102,500.00
£100k barrier broken 1/4/25
Balance as at 31/08/25 = £ 95,450.00. Balance as at 31/12/25 = £ 91,100.00
SOA CALCULATOR (for DFW newbies): SOA Calculatorshe/her0 -
As someone who has elderly parents, and is also a parent to a young adult, I find some of these comments quite bizarre.
how do they feel about you living in their area? How do they felt about you putting on them?Really, and quite honestly, parents are actually people in their own right.We all get older, lots of us become parents and grandparents. When do they become less important as people in their own right?And the whole being useful for childcare ..... honestly?
I wish I still had my in laws. We had our rumbles but as equal people.3 -
Is this a tongue in cheek response?Albermarle said:Maybe you should take into account what will happen when your parents get older, and possibly more infirm.
If you were the type to be giving them a regular helping hand, sorting out bills, carers, taking them to hospital appointments, tending the garden etc it might be handy to live close by.
On the other hand if you wanted to take a more hands off approach it could be easier, if you did not live nearly.0
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