Missy’s full time working mum juggling act MF adventure

Bluegreen143

I’ve gotten sucked down that rabbit hole in the past. I think it can be dangerous to your mental health though, to pine over something that (as you’ve correctly identified) isn’t actually achievable in your life just now. If you need to watch anything, I’d find YouTubers in a similar lifestyle to you (working mum with young kids in a normal house) who are showing achievable hacks to bring more simplicity to their lives. I think following smallholders is just going to make you feel discontented with your own life and tbh it takes up time you could use to start a project to make clothes or grow autumn crops in a pot or something. If you feel something is missing in your life it’s better to take action - I think following influencers and watching YouTubers offers a bit of escapism but ultimately leaves you feeling worse for it.

Just my thoughts, take it or leave it of course.

(Sympathies on your ill OH. And enjoy your time to yourself!).

joedenise

I think @Bluegreen143 has hit the nail on the head @missymoo81.  You need to find fulfilment with what you have and stop yearning for something which is completely unachievable.

The first place to start is with learning to stick to your budget, menu planning and sticking to it as that will save you money and make your money go further and help you manage your budget better.

It's hard having an ill OH when they constantly complain but you really need to focus on yourself particularly at the moment when you have the house to yourself.  A bit of self care will go a long way to make you feel better.

missymoo81

Ah thank you @Bluegreen143 always love to hear your take on things. And of course you’re right and I do know this. I think it’s because work is so hard at the moment and very depressing and I’m hating it. I’m hoping it will get better. I’m also bored as OH is away a lot. Is there anyone you could recommend to watch @Bluegreen143?

Thanks @joedenise I'm doing well at budgeting at the moment, I have put aside £1000 this month. And although I’ve spent a little on food and coffee, it’s nothing compared to how I used to spend. 

amanda_p

I love having the house to myself. For me it’s time I would use to batch cook and freeze meals for times when I have no time. Bake cakes/biscuits and freeze.
Forget about an allotment, brilliant if you have loads of time and energy and are very disciplined with time management.  Otherwise they are a back breaking ,time consuming hobby. You are out in all weathers to maintain it, plus unless you are very green fingered you probably won’t grow a lot.
I have a friend who has one and she spends all her spare time on it, she loves it and what she produces is amazing but as she says, it is her life. It is not for the faint hearted.

missymoo81

Thanks @amanda_p batch cooking would have been good but it would feel like work and a chore. Mum/wife stuff.  But I guess better than sitting doing nothing! I’ve watched some good things on tv. No I get an allotment is a definite no no. I’m working on my head and what’s important. 

fionaandphil

What about an at home spa night? Long quiet soak, face mask, foot spa, pampering using up bits you've already got

Bluegreen143

Sounds like you have the common mum problem of spending so little time thinking about your own wants and needs you don’t actually know what to do with yourself when you do get free time! 

I really like the advice Cal Newport gives in his book Digital Minimalism. He points out that what he calls low-quality leisure (surfing the internet, YouTube, social media, watching TV all evening) often leaves us feeling even more drained and depressed than we were to begin with, whereas challenging ourselves tends to leave us energised.

He recommends sitting down once a quarter to pick your leisure-time goals and habits for the quarter. Goals could be things like: “Learn five new songs on the guitar” or “knit two cardigans”. Habits could be things like “Spend some time reading before bed every evening”. Anyway, you choose a handful of goals (and jot down some concrete ideas that would help you get there over the quarter) and a couple of habits. Then each week make sure you schedule in some time to do them. 

I’m trying this out just now and my habits are to read every day (to make this easier I’ve gathered books to read in a reading stack and created a folder in my kindle which is the virtual equivalent) and to knit whenever I’m watching TV. I’ve also made a rule that I’m only going to watch TV with Red, not on my own (unless I get ill!). 

My first goal is to translate at least 5 of my kids’ Gaelic children’s books into English, to make sure I understand them, and learn all the pronunciation to read them to my kids fluently. And my second goal is making clothes - I want to fully knit up the two projects I have ongoing and sew my kids’ Christmas PJs. 

Anyway, my point is that I do think this framework might be helpful to you if you want to live the simpler, more self sufficient life. Goals could be things like making X amount of jams and preserves before Christmas, habits could be things like knitting every day. This could help stop you feeling bored because you have a list of things to do when your OH is away. 

I’d also encourage you to rethink labelling domestic tasks as a chore/work - I bet you’d feel much better in yourself after an evening spent batch cooking rather than one sat on the sofa. Cooking is one of the activities I most enjoy doing though so perhaps I’m biased! 

Elisheba

missymoo81 said:

Can anyone recommend any thrifty blogs or diaries with small holdings or allotments and things?

I would read Pigs in Clover by Simon Dawson.  Its an interesting and well written book about him and his partner and their smallholding, but it also put me off having my own for ever unless I won the lottery!  Also Horatio Clare's book Running for the Hills, about him growing up on his mum's small sheep farm.  Very good book but will put you off a sheep farm for life - its a brutal life at times. 

Elisheba

Oooh, I have just reserved the Digital Minimalism book at my library @Bluegreen143. It sounds good!

missymoo81

Hi,

oh my goodness I can’t believe I’ve not been on here for 2 months. *hangs head in shame*

How are you all? 

Well life has been busy. Ive had a few reality checks but have fallen off the money saving wagon quite a bit. Christmas has crept up. But mentally I’m in a good place as is OH, which is really good.  Hoping to get back on track now Xmas is sorted and paid for.

i still have a job for next year but if the company doesn’t do well next year then I’ll be made redundant towards the end of next year. We’ve bought another car, not the best timing, sosavings are minimal so need to spend next year building them back up.

Got a mini pay rise but will just be enough to cover the rise in bills 🙄.

I have some good goals and aspirations for next year and am really looking forward to the new year coming in. I’ve had some time over the weekend to start sorting and clearing, have had a lovely clear out. Getting rid of things and organising. Still have a lot to do between now and new year but have until the 2nd off. 

I have a plan to live a more thrifty lifestyle and OH is on board. But I also want to be able to enjoy life a little bit without spending lots of money. OH isn’t very well and has to go for tests which is worrying, but we should know more after the tests on the 30th. 

Im going to write another post probably tomorrow, about my goals for next year. I hope you’re all ok.