Arranging my dads catholic funeral and i need help

hev_2

Really sorry for your loss.

Just wanted to post to say that I found it best to make a list of all the questions before you spoke to the priest and then make notes as you are speaking to the priest. My mother passed away from cancer and six months before she sat us all down, told us what she wanted and we made notes, so I was able to go and sort everything out with a list. In fact, that piece of paper was a real lifeline.

I am sure the priest will be sympathetic. In several (C of E) services I have attended/arranged the bible reading has been suggested by the vicar. There are some readings that are used regularly and the priest will know them. In the Anglican service book there are a list of readings and one or more are used. We were awkward and chose a non standard reading from the seventh chapter of Daniel, but that was what my mother wanted.

If you need someone to talk to, now or later on when you are struggling with grief (and it gets you when you least expect it), the priest may be able to either help or put you in touch with someone who can help. Some people find it helpful to talk about their loss or get help with their grief, but only do what suits you.

I am so sorry that you have lost your loved one at this time of year. I hope everything goes well. Sending my sincerest sympathy.

Benny24

I am so sorry for your loss. x I lost my Mum three weeks ago and had to arrange her funeral. We are not catholic, but my funeral directors were fantastic, and helped me through everything. They will be able to put you in touch with a priest etc, and should guide you through it.
x

HugoSP

Firstly - my sympathies to you and your family, and so close to Christmas as well.

My sister and I had to organise my late mother's funeral in 2004. She was RC.

The first thing we did was to pick up her personal belongings from the hospital where she passed away.

In our case as it was a sudden death (heart attack) she needed to undergo a post mortem. Hence the corenor had to issue a certificate.

We contacted an undertaker who was recommended by her parish priest and chose a coffin. He then organised transport of her body from the hospital to his premesis. We never had to worry about where she was until after she was buried.

We registered her death after the death cert from the hospital had been issued (the undertaker took the trouble to make sure they got to the registrars). We got about 8 office copies of the death cert, as you or the executor of the estate will need them to send to banks etc. This way you can send a handfull off at the same time, they were nearly always returned bit it did mean that we could contact a number of institiutions concurrently.

Once we had the death certs we passed one to her solicitor and instructed him to apply for probate. We left this area well alone until after the funeral was over.

We then met the priest who talked us through the options. As he knew my mother as one of his congregation he gave us a lot of steer as to what she may have wanted. Her wishes in her will were a catholic mass followed by a burial in the graveyard where she now is. I felt that as long as we followed these we couldn't go far wrong. He gave us the option of a mass or a service. He was quite keen on providing a mass. My sister was not keen on a mass, but I insisted that we went with the priest's recommendation, so we had a mass. This reflected my mother's devotion to her faith, and IMO was not negotiable.

There are no rules you have to follow when deciding on what a funeral should and should not include. But the thing to remember is that a funeral is for the living as well as the dead. I did have a fleeting thought to hire a motorcycle and sidecar herse, as oppose to the traditional type, the undertaker had one. But, although I felt my mother would have found it quite funny and definitely approved, most of the mourners may not have.

Miscellaneous items such as flowers in the church etc can often be organised locally or via a recommended florist. We were going to go to a florist but the priest suggested that we visted a lady in the village who organises them for the church on a voluntary basis and just claims costs. This arrangement worked out about 1/3rd of the cost to us, and she was pleased to be asked. Ask your priest if there are any people in the village/community who would like to be involved and help with the arrangements.

When you go into it you will find that there are several people genuinely willing to take the burden off your hands and that you cannot make a mistake. Whilst people may critisize the way a wedding has been planned over several weeks, few would critisize a funeral, as in most cases they know that the family has a week at most to organise it.

People will remember the funeral for the right reasons, ie the gent who passed away and reflect on his life. They are unlikley to have memories of bad flower arrangements etched on their brains for life.

margaretclare

I'm glad you've had a lot of good advice and information.

Re the tune 'Going Home', we had that played as his coffin was carried out of church. It's actually an old Negro spiritual which forms part of Dvorak's symphony 'From the New World' which is where Hovis pinched it from for their bread advert!!! I love the words to it:

'Goin' home, goin' home, I'se a-goin' home
Quiet-like, one still day, I'se a-goin' home

It's not far, just close by
Through an open door
Pain all gone, care laid by
Gonna fear no more.

Mother's there, 'spectin' me
Father's waitin' too
Lots of folks gathered there
All the friends I knew.

Goin' home, goin' home
I'se a-goin' home.....

HTH

Margaret

simpywimpy

My mother passed away in November and I didnt have much clue. I searched on the internet for funeral readings and came up with some lovely websites with alsorts to choose from. I just chose the one where I could see some meaning in the words We also had a poem called Broken Chain which is all about the link of family being broken but that this will be made whole as we meet again one by one. If you search for that Im sure it will come up for you.
best wishes

bella4uk

Hope this site may help you out
http://www.ifishoulddie.co.uk/

scottn

so sorry to hear our your loss and i do hope that you are managing to sort everything out.

i am due to attend a catholic funeral this week, i have never been to a catholic funeral before, would anyone be able to explain to me what happens? It is important for me that I attend, but I don't wish to take mass/communion and I'm not sure how that will go down etc?

any thoughts welcome.

margaretclare

scottn wrote: »

so sorry to hear our your loss and i do hope that you are managing to sort everything out.

i am due to attend a catholic funeral this week, i have never been to a catholic funeral before, would anyone be able to explain to me what happens? It is important for me that I attend, but I don't wish to take mass/communion and I'm not sure how that will go down etc?

any thoughts welcome.

Just treat it as any other church service. It will all be explained by the priest as he goes along. Hymns, prayers, readings, just the same as any other service.

You may find the coffin is already in the church rather than having it carried in while the congregation is present. No one will require you to take communion. If you can participate, say 'Amen' at the end of prayers, otherwise just bow your head and be quiet and respectful. No different from any other funeral!

Best wishes

Margaret

Savvy_Sue

There are two ways of not taking communion: one is not to go up to the altar at all, the other is to go up for a blessing. At the CofE service I attended on Christmas Eve, the vicar said that if anyone was going up for a blessing rather than to take communion they should bring a service sheet with them. When DS1 was at a Catholic school I went to his first mass - we're not Catholic - and they were quickly checking who was going to 'receive' and who was just for a blessing, those not 'receiving' were told to go up with their arms crossed across their chests. So it's possible the priest will say something like that: it is a bit different because some churches are fussier than others about who takes communion: the invitation can vary from "anyone who knows and loves the Lord Jesus" to "anyone who is able to receive communion in their own church" to nothing being said at all, in which case I would usually desist.

but unless you actively WANT a blessing then either staying in your pew, or moving out with everyone else and then slipping back into it, is probably the safest way to go. I suggest slipping out because it's often organised on a one way system, so easier to pop out and let everyone past than have them clambering over you.

but as Margaret says, quiet and respectful usually covers it, especially in the Catholic church ...