Arranging my dads catholic funeral and i need help

Jummy

Hi!
My dear dad died on the 20th Dec and i am trying to sort his funeral out as best as i can.
Dad was catholic as are my brother,sister and me,although none of us had been to mass for years.
Mum isn't a catholic so i said i would sort everything regarding the Requiem mass only i'm not sure what i actually have to do.
I am waiting for a call from the priest and am unsure of what he will ask me.
We have a couple of hymns we would like but i haven't a clue if i have to choose any readings etc.
Any help appreciated.
Thanks!

masterthief

I'm sorry to hear about your father and also sorry I'm not in a position to help as my family aren't catholic. The priest ought to be very helpful - just ask him what you need to do and he should be very good with supporting you through it.

nearlyrich

First of all don't worry too much about this, you should get some guidance from both the priest and the funeral director. Do you or your parents have any friends who attend church? they might be able to advise, I bought a book to help me to organise a funeral, readings, music etc.

Catholic funerals include a mass but you can include secular readings and music as well if the priest agrees. Perhaps you could sit down with your mum and siblings and decide what you want for the funeral, maybe a friend or family member can speak about your dad if the priest didin't know him too well?

I hope you feel better for doing this last task for your Dad, it's a big responsibility but once it's over you will take comfort from it.

quietheart

Having been to many catholic funerals they tend to have a requiem the night before the funeral where they take the body into the church. Then the coffin is left in front of the altar overnight. You don't have to do this but it is common. Talk it through with the priest, see what you are comfortable with and go from there. He will suggest suitable verses etc if you want something more personal do a search online. Also it can be nice if someone who knew your father could say a few words or do a reading, it makes it more personal.
Most of all I'm sorry you've lost your dad, so close to Christmas as well.
Take care.

Swanny

Firstly, don't worry. Explain everything to the Priest and ask him for his advice. As stated by previous post, the Funeral Director will also be able to help. Concentrate on your family and yourself, but ask any advice of the Priest he will be happy to help.

Sorry for your loss.

tattycath

Hi. Firstly I'm so sorry for your recent loss. My OH and I had to sort out a funeral last month. We've never sorted one out before. We registered the death and the registrar was very helpful. We then contacted the funeral director who was also very helpful and asked what kind of funeral we wanted. Although we did not organise a catholic funeral, the funeral director and pastor/vicar was very good and pointed us in the right direction. I hope that you manage to sort it out-I'm sure you will.
Take care and look after yourself. sorry I can't be more helpful

inkie

Sorry to hear of your sad news. Do not worry about anything. The priest will discuss everything with you. I am a vicar and organise funerals. When I meet with the family, I ask them the following: Is there any prefered hymns/scripture readings- if there is, thats fine if there is'nt then that's fine as well, and then I would choose. Also, is there any preferred music for coming in and going out - same applies.
Tribute - is there anyone in the family able to this? If not, then I do this bas on the infomation that the family are able to shar with me PLease do not worry about this, thatis what we are hear for. All will be well.

cazziebo

So sorry to hear of your loss.

I had to organise my grandmother's Catholic funeral. In reality, once I'd spoken to the priest everything fell into place. He told me exactly what I had to do, and as she had been a regular attender, he was able to tell me who to inform. Because half the family are non-Catholic, he also explained during the proceedings why it was done that way. He also helped with hymns etc which were different from the ones I knew (My half of the family are presbyterian). He made it all very easy, and the funeral director took care of the rest of everything else.

There was a service the night before the funeral, which quite a few people attended (I was surprised at this, I'd thought it would just be family). The priest didn't ask for anyone else to read or speak. (It's usual at Presbyterian funerals for relatives to give readings, and for at least one person to say a few words about the deceased.) The priest didn't really say anything about my gran, although he did know her well, but did make the service very personal and caring.

Hope it goes well for you - thinking of you

X

Savvy_Sue

nearlyrich wrote: »

I bought a book to help me to organise a funeral, readings, music etc.

The libraries might be open tomorrow so you may be able to borrow something like the Which guide from there if you feel you need one. but I agree that the priest is probably well used to this situation and will guide you and help you.

And I am sorry for your loss.

margaretclare

Talk to your father's parish priest and ask for advice.

When my first husband died we had the coffin received into church the evening before. My daughter and I found this helpful. We stayed with him for a while, reading poems, prayers and just talking to him. We got most of our crying done then.

I did a reading as part of the service 'The souls of the virtuous are in the hands of God...no torment can ever touch them'. And for the Gospel reading I chose the story from Matthew 'And the King shall answer, because you did it for the least of these my brethren, you did it unto me....'

There are lovely Catholic hymns. One is 'Soul of my Saviour'.

HTH

Margaret

Poppy9

I'm RC and you really don't need to panic about the funeral. Presumably you've instructed an undertaker now and he will organise everything. They are used to dealing with all religions (or not) and will ask you anything he needs you to decide.

Traditionally the body is either returned to the home the night before the Requiem mass or it's received into the church. You may want to sent your flowers to the church to be with the body over night, if so tell the florist or ask your undertaker to liase with your florist.

You can discuss with the priest or family & friends hymns & readings or the priest will choose for you. Traditional Catholic funeral hymns are "God of mercy and compassion", "soul of my saviour" and a fav. in Wales "Guide me O though great redeemer". Also more modern is "Going Home" which is to the tune of the Hovis advert which is very moving.

After the Mass you will either have a burial or cremation. Tradition used to be burial for RC but cremation is now more common (both my parents cremated and that was 20/18 years ago). The priest will go with you for which ever you choose and continue his blessing. The priest rides in the front of the car with the body. The undertake and priest will sort this out though you do not need to concern yourself.

You do have to decide about flowers. Family only or open to all. If it's a cremation then the flowers will go to waste so you might prefer for family tributes only. You could ask for donations in lieu if you wished. You can also request that some or all the flowers are returned to the church after the burial/cremation if you wish and the church flower arrangers will use them to decorate the church. If you intend to do this mention it to the priest so he can tell the his flower arrangers to expect them. You should tell your undertaker that you wish them to be returned to the church also.

On a personal level you and your family have to decide if you wish to recieve holy communion during the mass. If you have not been to church for a while talk it over with the priest. He will probably tell you that you need to go to confession first and he might suggest you do so after the body has been recieved into the church. Don't feel obliged to go to communion to make your father happy, only do it if you feel it's right for you. If anyone within your family has mobility problems and wishes to take communion mention it to the priest the day before and he will ensure that they are given communion.

You don't need to have order of services (I've only encountered them once in a RC funeral but it maybe a regional thing).

God Bless you all.