brand new wannabee looking for friendly help

findingmyownway

littlemissclumsy wrote: »

Tustastic...the spending diary is a great idea! I get CB of £65 per wk and this is really my food budget for 8! gulp! so that board you mention sounds really useful...

will take a look now. :j

Wow, there are a massive amount of issues here, i really feel for you!

Firstly, welcome to the boards - its a big step to take but you will get plenty of support for the difficult times ahead and i hope you stick around.


Reading between the lines, i think you are very scared of your husband. Refusing to acknowledge the cost of living and pay for the bills is ridiculous. Is there someone (maybe a sensible brother/mum etc) who could sit down with you both and back you up that this is the reality for ALL households, not just yours.

Who are the 8 people you buy food for? Do you have 6 kids? (:eek: at the thought :rotfl: )

Who's name are all the bills in? And the mortgage etc? This is important to determine responsibility.

I think you should look back at your last few months bank statements and work out exactly how much you do spend on things. And then work out needs to be paid for utility bills etc by THE HOUSEHOLD (it not just you - all adults need to contribute).

Then its a case of sitting down with OH to explain things. If you are truely too scared to do this, you are going to get further and further in debt, ultimatly for a relatonship which seems to have no trust or respect. Is it worth it?


For what its worth - i am amazed to see all your debts are utility bills etc. Do you have no credit cards? If so then theres a massive WELL DONE for resisting the temptations!

barron_hard_up

The Council Tax office should get the bailif out of the situation if you approach them direct. A few years ago, because of being advised incorrectly by the benefits office while being unemployed, we ended up £900 in debt to the council tax office. Even though two hearings ruled we should not pay it, the officer at the local office took it to the Sherrif's court in london and we ended up having to pay it regardless. This shows the length to which the council tax people will go to get the money. However, what I then did do was contact the office direct, tell them I knew I had to pay this bill, and could I please have some arrangement that would help me but still satisy some payment. The guy I dealt with was increadibly helpful and sympathised greatly with me.

The repaymant was arranged, but you may well find that the arrears have to be paid within a certain financial year.

This forum is not a place for stupid people, stupid people do not look at their situation and decide they need to do something about it. Your OH seems to have his head in the sand though, until he faces up to reality this is going to be one heck of a slog for you, just because he thinks he should only pay £30 won't change the mind of the tax office..

Good luck with everything, you will get a lot of support here. Anychance you can really stand up to OH and end this hiding of bills? It sounds like you are fed up to the back teeth of your situation.

loneranger

You say you are feeding 8 people, if you mean you have 6 children (1 being disabled) then you are probably entitled to council tax benefit and maybe some other benefits, CAB will advise you on this - you could go to another town - your details are kept in that office alone.OH is possibly able to get tax credits. It is very loyal of you to protect him from reality because he suffers from depression but you are not helping yourself, will his GP help?

littlemissclumsy

actually yes i do have 6 kids and yes :eek: would sometimes be appropriate!!! as for benefits we do seem to be getting the right ones. i should add that i have got into sticky situations with benefit overpayments too in the past due to my odd situation.

i think you have all hit the nail on the head re the relationship betweebn me and OH. i am slowing trying to change the dynamics but its hard!

yes, i am grateful that i have stayed away from credit cards. did that when i hit 18 and got bit of trouble!

there is so much helpful information here and so much to take in that i am just spending a while reading through, gathering info and calming myself down!

bellsbells

there is so much helpful information here and so much to take in that i am just spending a while reading through, gathering info and calming myself down!

this is a good idea little miss - it can be a bit overwhelming at first! Have a look at the main site and all of Martins guides - there is everything there from bank info to cheapest utility providers etc. Another good place to look are some of the diaries that people post - they are a useful way to see how people are working through their debts. They start where you are now at the :eek: stage, and show all the steps they have taken so far. It might give you a bit of a plan. I see you have found the Old style board - it is wonderful, I have found so much inspiration on it. I hope that the panic fades and you feel a bit calmer soon - you are now taking control of it all rarther than it being in control of you. Well done for taking this step.

BB

mummytofour

I just about feed family of 7 on £65 per week, this includes nappies and household cleaners but its by no means fun.
Well done for facing up to things, its not easy are you aware of the incomings? Would it help to have the benefits changed into your account then dh could manage his wages?
I understand that the situation needs a softly softly approach but your situation sounds quite opressive which must be very difficult for you, you must be some amazing person to keep going!

Dumyat

well done on making a start. I think you have a big task ahead of you, but it is not impossible. small steps

Adrasteia01

Just a thought, but your wage or benefits should go into the bank account that YOU nominate - so put them in your own!

You let him get away with too much. I don't want you to put yourself at risk (very important!), but he is being miserly expecting you to feed 6 kids on a small amount of money if he has access to more. He should be much more thoughtful if he cares about his family.

You'll most likely need his help, as you simply don't have access to enough money yourself to really do anything about the council tax debt.You either need to bring in more money yourself (or keep more of what you bring in), or work together on it. If not, you're either going to lose your possessions or you'll end up going to court over it.

This is worrying - I know you have 6 kids but if you really feel threatened by him you NEED to get away! If you feel safe doing so, confront the guy, whether he argues or not. This is a problem that needs setting to rights. You need to reclaim some of your personal power, as they say. It's your life, they're your family and you need to do something about it and not just go along with things when you know they're going badly.

The question is if things do get bad where the council tax is concerned, who will bear the brunt of that? Yourself or your husband? It might wake him up a bit, but that's probably the best that could be said for it.

I hope I haven't upset you, but you and your family shouldn't have to scrape by if he's got the means to improve that. He should be playing as great a part in things as you. If you can at all, set some time aside with him when the kids are not around (have a friend babysit if necessary) and sit down and try and work these things out. That's my advice (hopefully it's good advice).

Tamara

silkglade

Well I am totally in shock that the relationship that you have with your hubby is such a strained one.

I am very lucky that my hubby and I tell each other everything and are such an effective team. We make the decisions together and have been to hell and back financially through the years. But we ALWAYS had each other to depend on.

My heart really goes out to you, and the fact that he is not impressed when you finally got the courage to admit you were in difficulties...

Maybe you should tell him it is his time to pull his weight with sorting out ALL the bills and that you can have a break from all the worries and concentrate on just the food shopping and the children. Even if it is just for a while so that he can understand how quickly the money goes.

I think you need to have the support of your hubby, and that is very important. I know it must be really hard but then how would he really feel if he realised how much you are carrying on your shoulders alone... Would he feel bad and that he has not really been there for you. Or would he try to blame you for everything????

Hope you manage to get things sorted soon, whichever way you decide to go.

huxley

Hi, dont know if this information is of any use or relevance to you but you never know:rolleyes: Have you had to alter your home because of your disabledchild? I dont know if it works the same for a child as an adult but we had to remove our bath change to shower and do othe slight alterations to our home because of my disability's somone passed on to me a little bit of knowledge that meant when I contacted my council and they checked our house I now pay the council tax for a property in a slightly lower band, it's a saving of about £100 a year and when I did it they back dated the difference to when I had the alterations done.