Watty's Awakening

WelshmansDaughter

I think it had always been something I have been trying to get at, the idea of meaningful money. Where it supports you to have the life you want and is a part of the fabric of your life rather than the entirety of it.

savingholmes

WelshmansDaughter said:

I think it had always been something I have been trying to get at, the idea of meaningful money. Where it supports you to have the life you want and is a part of the fabric of your life rather than the entirety of it.

You summed that up beautifully. Love it.

PennysIntoPounds

Sorry for the long reply but I have been pondering deeply since reading your post- while we're in very different positions in terms of home and finance, I realised that I am in what I think is a similar psychological position to you (not at all saying that my issues are the same as the awfulness you've been brilliantly rebuilding yourself up from)- the last few years have been such a sh*tshow that I have normalised being in panic-survival mode. That still does need to be the case for me 😂 But as you say, it doesn't for you, and I need to recognise that it's damaging for me to not remember that this isn't a normal way to constantly feel

My friend and I (both deeply cynical people) were discussing earlier whilst having a wholesome walk, the importance of making an effort with wholesomeness and not 'saving things for special' because, cringe, every day is special.

It doesn't mean you have to do things that are conventionally wholesome or meditate every time you get a fork out of the drawer, but just making a decision where you're able to, to enjoy the things that are available for you to enjoy and not make the decision to not enjoy something 'just in case'. Just in case what? Just in case you're accidentally a bit happier in your day to day life?

Obviously don't get into debt over anything unnecessary but for gawds sake enjoy the things you can. I lit a candle last night, wanting an extra nice thing after being at my friend's celebration of life the night before. It's an old half burnt not posh candle that hasn't been used in years. What on earth was I waiting for to have wholesome pleasantness that literally involved five seconds of: get lighter, light candle.
And I know we all have unused candle/wine glass that we'd feel fancy using/earrings or scarf we'd feel luxurious in/picture that would bring joy to see but what's the perfect place etc etc etc.
If anyone deserves the rewards of nicenesses it's you Watty me dear

LadyWithAPlan

Lots of wisdom in these responses and glad to have been part of you ‘opening ‘ to a life you chose 
your shower decision KK sounds like a life extension ! 

I always use nice china and crystal even if it’s just me who sees them in my home. It makes every morning start better. I never drink cheap ground or instant coffee - I decided I would be frugal in other ways ( no takeaways and minimise eating out) 
However I don’t drink blue mountain coffee sadly (will have to wait til I have no mortgage!) it’s all planned for 

You get to decide what makes your life better and if its  a new French press then perfect 

Id have a monthly budget amount set aside for ‘things that make your life better and more beautiful’ - you can afford it and some luxury in one area of your life allows you to be happier & clearer on all areas of your life - candles, gorgeous coffee,

Humdinger1

@PennysIntoPounds I lay on the ground when I read your view on not needing to meditate every time you take out a fork! Utterly hilarious and this is one of the great joys of cynicism.   Yes, I'm well aware of the possible irony (by some measures) of taking positive self talk from this stance.  I do believe that your views shape your reality but there's also a point (and I reached it) where you meet unnegotiable hard stops; you ignore those at your peril. Love Humdinger xx 

ajmoney

WelshmansDaughter said:

I think it had always been something I have been trying to get at, the idea of meaningful money. Where it supports you to have the life you want and is a part of the fabric of your life rather than the entirety of it.

I love this

Watty1

ajmoney said:

WelshmansDaughter said:

I think it had always been something I have been trying to get at, the idea of meaningful money. Where it supports you to have the life you want and is a part of the fabric of your life rather than the entirety of it.

I love this

Absolutely.    I love it.  

Watty1

Thank you all for sharing.  How profound.   
There are "unnegotiable hard stops" and I think many of those either found them or had them forced upon us and I did live in panic/survival mode for so long that to simply feel the joy of an Autumn morning, to wave and shout thanks to a passing driver as I rode the Charming Cob (much recovered from his viral infection) is a blessing.   
I don't want to meditate every time I do something (how that made me laugh) but I do want to enjoy life I suppose. It is still frugal (my beautiful crystal wine glasses where £2.50 each in a charity shop, the candles always come from a charity shop but I do light them at each evening meal now even if alone for example) but life can be joyous. 
I write down joys and achievements, not every day but often enough to make me feel that I am progressing from the life I had to the new life.  That idea came from someone posting here on this diary and it is so simple but a game changer.  

These tiny things are moving me from the trauma to embracing a new life.   The PTSD my doctor discussed with me is not going to vanish anytime soon but gradually I am moving to somewhere that  is different.  And I am different.

Thank you all for sharing the journey and for cheerleading.  My recovery is in no small part due to you all.  

ajmoney

It is a pleasure to be with you on your journey dear @Watty1

daisy_1571

Should I have helped in any small way, you are more than welcome xxxx