You can’t pour from an empty cup, the road to self care

vampirotoothus

Hi Doris I am sorry for your loss? Do you currently work but are on compassionate leave? If that is the situation then I suggest talking to your boss. Grief doesn't come in a block, so ask your manager if you can take the leave but on an as and when basis. My company let me do this when both of my parents died. It was so much easier to manage. Sending love V x

Dorisd

I took the plunge and have spoken to someone about MH support as it has been very hard. I have don’t this privately through my work medical insurance. I still have to try and get an appointment with my NHS Gp for some medication, that will be fun!
I am still finding things hard and only have energy to get to work and back along with eating and sleeping.

I took the plunge and messaged an old friend, seems like she has been going through some tough times too and we are due to meet up soon for something to eat and so glad I did reach out.
I have not managed to do much else I had planned at the beginning of the year except for walking. I am still walking at least 3x day and just getting outside has helped.
Not much else has happened, not managed to clear the credit cards yet but I have not added to them either.
Planning a short get away with DD in a free weeks, I’m looking forward to a change of scenery. 
That’s it for now, I hope to keep on posting and not just lurking.

Dorisd

Therapy is going well, work is not bad and I have booked my first ever solo trip abroad. I am proud of myself for taking this leap I am getting out of my comfort zone but more importantly doing things I want to do. I also managed to make it out for 2 social events last week which were fun.
Things are not seeming so bad, but it’s still an effort. I suppose guilt, grief and loneliness take its toll. I also went to a yoga/handstand class, that was hard and all that time spent upside down made me feel queasy 🤢. Might just keep to normal yoga for now 🧘‍♀️

Dorisd

Back after a long time away. Where do I start?
Finances are ok, therapy is finished and so grateful I was able to access it. 

Went in a solo trip and feel like it changed me for the better. It was just what I needed.

Ex DH is now with someone new and dragging his heals sorting the divorce application.
Im on the dating apps, giving it a go. It’s hit and miss really. I was chatting to someone for a few weeks everyday, really thought we hit it off. Had our first date and now radio silence, oh well. 

Mended my relationship with my mum so that’s good and pushed myself to get out more and reconnect with friends.
It’s been a hard year but I’ve found my inner strength and happiness in my own company. 

Also took steps to buying a property, I realised I could do it on my own so going for it.
2025 will bring in new goals and I will keep working on myself. For now me, DD and our kitten are happy and healthy.

vampirotoothus

Sounds like a good year. I too am finally understanding that being on my own can be a good thing. I too had my first solo trip earlier this year to Spain and loved it. Good luck and best wishes for 2025 V x

Dorisd

Lazy and non productive weekend but sometimes doing nothing is good.
I have realised that the guy I was speaking to for about a month, him ghosting me has knocked me a bit. I know my rational side is saying it’s a reflection of him and not me, but still 😔.
I am talking to someone else but it does not have the same spark. 

I should start thinking about 2025 and things I would like to do. Some will be small changes but hopefully all will be achievable. 

For right now I’m good binge watching Black Doves and rewatching Elementary.

Cousin_Creditor

Oh I really wish you well on this journey. It sounds like you have had a really difficult time. 

Dorisd

Back again for an update and quite a lot has happened.
Divorce has not started as STBX has been dragging his heels, finally had a look and found that there is an error on the marriage certificate and now need to pay £90 to have it corrected!
The cost has also risen but I’m not worried about that, it’s his problem.
Ive started the home buying process, nerve wracking as I’m doing it on my own but I’ve achieved so much since I’ve been separated tan we ever did in the decade we were together I know I can do this.
On the work front MH has taken a dip and it has affected my work, I’m considering leaving but probably not wise if I’m looking at getting a mortgage. I’m going to try to hold of until the end of the year until the home buying is sorted, but if a new opportunity comes up in a role that I like I will take it.
As there is an issue with my performance and the possibility of losing my job I am working hard on a 3 month emergency fund. Once this pay hits I will only have to add one more payment to hit my target. Then I move on to getting the credit card down. I have been very slack when it comes to debt but back on the surveys and have made a plan. Managed to move most of it to 0% interest so it will not grow. I feel silly to be back here again but time to pull my socks up.
I am back in therapy which is good and helping, but there are days when I can’t face the world. I just want to pack up, move somewhere else and start over. It doesn’t help that STBX lives quite close and that he spends most of his time socialising very close to where I live, literally just around the corner as that’s where his new girlfriend works. That hurts as during the break up he claimed he couldn’t be around people, was emotionally numb and was not interested in another relationship or repairing ours.
It just goes to show me who he really is, anyway he is her problem now.
I’ve not completely shut myself away, I’ve joined a new gym, have a personal trainer and enjoy going to the different classes they have. Exercise is helping me a lot, along with dating and meeting new people. I’ve not found the one yet, but I’m ok with that plus it’s nice to feel that you’re attractive to someone else and they take the time to get to know you.
Must go as I have to update my CV, take a look at my budget and do some personal admin work I’ve been putting off.

Ordinary_Yet_Unique

Don't be in a rush to become attached again. I have been single all my life and wouldn't have it any other way.
You have my admiration for facing up to all your difficulties and challenges. Keep going! With your determination and bravery you will succeed.