Frump to Fab 2024

FreetodoasIlike

PS - As I’ve clearly nothing better to do, and talking about jewellery (this is a FABBING thread after all) let’s post about our favourite pieces. I’ve inherited a few pieces and collected my own silver and gold (as well as costume jewellery) but my absolute favourite was collecting Sleeping Beauty turquoise jewellery many years back. The mine (in Arizona)  closed in 2012, so the jewellery has become more collectible and valuable and it’s rare to find genuine pieces now. I love it, and wear it in the summer with turquoise tops and dresses. The mine was named Sleeping Beauty because it was shaped like a woman asleep with her hands across her chest. I have some lovely Tiffany silver jewellery which I wear most days but your favourite pieces don’t have to be expensive. I still wear a lovely green coloured pendant that I bought in a flea market 30 years ago. This is just some of my much loved Sleeping Beauty jewellery! I didn’t take this photo for this post. When my mum was robbed about 7 years ago, whilst she was still living in sheltered accommodation before she went into a care home, the thief stole some valuable jewellery, as well as sentimental pieces which could never have been replaced, so I decided to take photos of mine, for insurance purposes, and keep them in a lockable filing cabinet, although the insurance would never replace the inherited items I received from my aunt. It breaks my heart to know that my mum’s much loved diamond ring is no longer with us. Luckily (???) as her dementia set in she hasn’t missed it, but it was her pride and joy.

helensbiggestfan

What lovely turquoise pieces.  I too like to wear turquoise in the summer.  

My favourite piece was sadly stolen.  I don't even have a photo.  Like you I wised up after the event, bought a safe and took photos. It was my engagement ring.  It wasn't valuable as such but it was precious to me,  

When my husband  and I were young we weren't very well off. I wasn't bothered about having an engagement ring, and certainly didn't want my intended to spend a lot of money on a traditional diamond ring. I always was a bit unconventional. Lol.  

However, we had gone to an antiques fair and I spotted a lovely Victorian ring.  It had a tiny diamond shaped emerald in the centre flanked by two small seed pearls, all set in elaborate shoulders of filigree gold.  My intended asked if I would like it as an engagement ring.  I was a bit flustered and in my confusion I refused to let him try to negotiate the price.  When the stallholder realised it was to be en engagement ring he laughed heartily and knocked a bit off the price "for luck". My man paid the princely sum of £28 for my ring.  😁. 

  I loved it and was really upset when years later burglars broke into our house and stole it, together with my five stone amethyst ring that my husband bought me to celebrate the birth of our first "son and heir". Lol   Is that still a tradition these days, to buy the mother of your child a ring to mark the momentous occasion of your first born......(my son did btw). 

Once, when we were still a new couple,  my husband asked me what I would like for Christmas.  Jokingly I told him I wasn't difficult to please ......diamonds or emeralds, I didn't mind which.  ha ha.  I also said he should always remember the adage when buying gifts for a woman was  "the smaller the box, the better the gift".  Lol.  I taught my sons that too.  

My husband learned the lesson well and over the years bought me some lovely pieces.  

When we were in funds they would be from a good jewellers, when we were skint they would be from a market stall called "Jans Jewels" and would cost pennies.  . Bless his heart.  💕.  I didn't care about the monetary value, for me it was the thought behind the gift and the care he took in choosing that mattered. A nicely wrapped bar of chocolate would have been just as welcome. 

 I have known of men who just hand over cash to their women folk and make no effort in trying to choose something personal.  Whilst they might be generous and mean well, I don't think it's very thoughtful  or romantic.  I think it's a nice gesture when a man makes an effort to please (same if it's vice versa too of course, if the woman tries to buy something she knows her man would really like rather than just giving cash).  

My husband was a very generous man, not just buying me jewellery but also with his time and affections.  He really did treat me like a queen and was as devoted to me as I was to him. Nothing was ever too much trouble.   I think you can judge a lot about a man who is generous.  It's not about the money they spend but it's about their generosity of spirit.  He taught our boys well, by the example he set. I am glad to say my sons are just the same, they treat the women in their life like goddesses.  And they still treat me like a Queen Mother.  🤪. 

So any young women who might be following, it's true what they say, "Watch how your boyfriend treats his mother, if he treats her well he will be good to you".  And there's no need to be jealous. The love and affection he feels for his mother does not diminish his feelings for you. His heart is big enough for both his parents and family and his wife or partner and children. There's more than enough love to go round.  

I know this might seem a bit off topic but in a way it isn't it because I think our journey to fabdom is not just about being the best we can be, it also includes having healthy boundaries and making sure that people treat us with love, courtesy and respect.  It took me a long time to learn that lesson.  I was such a people pleaser, I cringe now sometimes when I look back. I had low self esteem and I didn't always choose my men wIsely.  

I was thinking about my life the other day and I realised with a shock that not once did either my father or my first husband tell me either that they loved me or that I was beautiful or pretty - not once, not even on my wedding day. Gawd I must have been such a doormat, so conditioned to accept so little and think it was normal or ok.  Well it wasn't ok but I didn't know any better.  

I don't know if any of you are familiar with the online world of "the Manosphere".  You can find any number of websites devoted to it.  Some of the sites are truly awful.....all this red pill, blue pill, black pill, incel stuff, rating the opposite sex as a number out of 10, talking about body counts (what a revolting term) etc.  There is so much misogyny out there and it seems to be getting worse, not better.  I feel truly sorry for anyone trying to navigate the dating world, whether male or female or in between, it all seems so horribly transactional these days. 

So to anyone who is still out there looking for "the one" my advice is don't ever be a "pick me girl" and don't settle for second best.   Be fabulous and hold out for someone who will truly adore you.  

Sorry if I've gone off at a tangent but I really do think it's important that we set ourselves high standards.  I became a frump by letting my standards slip, not intentionally of course but still that's what happened. 

That's why I am now fighting back .......setting myself higher standards and being the best I can be.  Not for a man, but for me.  

Good night all, time for a cuppa and an earlyish night.  Getting a hair cut tomorrow.  

SandyShores

Love the chat about family and the jewellery pics and talk.  DH bought me quite a few bits of chunky gold that I absolutely love.  When DD was a toddler she crushed one of my necklaces slightly so it has a little kink in it but you can't see it when its on.  DH did buy me some diamond stud earrings but I stopped wearing earrings and sold them, together with a smaller necklace.  Possibly do regret selling them now, but it was money put to good use at the time.  My biggest regret was losing a bracelet DH bought me when we were first together.  I never knew what happened to it and used to get sad about it but had to pull myself up by my bootstraps and say its just a thing / people are more important (but I still look out for it when I go past a second hand jewellers).  Its rare that I wear it now, but do feel very fab when I do.  And I weighed all my gold the other day, not that I'm going to sell it, but its nice to think it would make a good deposit for a new car if I ever need it.  

Makingabobor2

Beautiful jewlery. I must admit I'm not really a jewl type of person. If I have to wear a posh dress I will put a necklace on, but mine are cheap & cheerful. My sister & dad bought me a Pandora bracelet for my 60th & I never wear it ir have any desire for more charms. Just can't be bothered...lol

FreetodoasIlike

@helensbiggestfan Loved your story! I agree that generosity of spirit means so much. I’ve been with my partner for just over 40 years now (not married - but was married briefly for 3 years) before meeting him at 26. He had three daughters (eldest just 11 years younger than me) and his ex-wife had at least two affairs during their marriage (that he knew about). He lived separately in the same house for the sake of the girls for nearly two years (I was living with my widowed mum at the time, pending my divorce). He quite rightly gave the house over to his ex-wife when he divorced (his youngest was around 14 at the time) - the other two girls were at sixth form college/university and everyone had come to terms with the split. Luckily, his eldest daughter and I clicked and I was more like an elder sister. His middle daughter came to also be one of my closest friends as well. His ex-wife moved her then partner into the former marital home and unfortunately his youngest daughter didn’t really get along with him. Our small (mortgaged) flat at the time wasn’t large enough for her to stay with us, but we gave her all the support we could (even buying a blow up bed when she ran away for a week at 16). Sadly, his ex-wife’s partner died suddenly and the youngest moved back with her mum before leaving for Uni. She never looked back and, as she now lives abroad with her husband, we rarely see her, but keep in touch regularly. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I couldn’t have been with a person who shirted his parental duties and the girls to this day absolutely dote on him (I’m now 68 and he is coming up for 83). They will always love their mum (although don’t approve of the choices she made). I’m very much in their lives and very much involved in my partner’s grandson (who just turned 18 and will be going to study business studies and Spanish at university). His eldest daughter (who is more like my friend), like me, never had children and the youngest has a son (but they live in Australia). They always say they love me and treat me with the utmost of respect. 

My ex-husband, basically, for want of better words, was a self-centred, misogynistic prat! We met when we were both just 17 and I never really had a proper boyfriend before then. He completely changed when we got married and was verbally, financially and on three occasions threatened physical abuse towards me. I know I was stupid to give him another chance, but the third time he threatened me, I just up and left and never had any contact with him again. I met my current partner at work, and he fully supported me throughout my divorce (well we supported each other) and although initially we didn’t have much money (we had a mortgage but his ex-wife was mortgage free) we found we were soul mates (if there IS such a thing). I never really wanted children and we certainly would have struggled financially if I had. Of course, we’ve had our ups and downs (his prostrate cancer - thankfully in remission - and more recently my mum’s rapid decline, both mentally and physically) but we are there for each other.

We didn’t get engaged, or were even planning to marry, but he surprised me on my 60th birthday with a beautiful diamond eternity ring. It wasn’t the value of the ring that meant so much to me, but the sentiment behind it. 

Forgot to mention that, although there is a lot of beautiful turquoise around, you can browse on eBay for Sleeping Beauty turquoise, and it will come up with all sorts of rubbish (fake pieces from China/Taiwan - even the USA). A relative bought me my first piece on a trip to the USA in the 1990s and in Arizona, the Native American Indians were selling their pieces to tourists and (as a gimmick I suppose) issuing certificates of authentication that the jewellery came from that particular mine. I still have some of those certificates, and now the only Sleeping Beauty genuine jewellery will be second-hand, probably from the USA but certainly NOT from China or even most reputable UK jewellers.  Anyway, I will never sell it and just continue to enjoy wearing it!

@helensbiggestfan One last thought for your small business?  Rather than selling low item clothes on Vinted (which might not be cost-effective), maybe try and source higher end market clothes? And then re-sell on eBay? They are hard to find, but not impossible. I only paid £8 (plus postage) for my lovely Calvin Klein dress, but could probably get a lot more if I sold it on eBay (not that I’m going to!) Hope you enjoy your haircut.

@Makingabobor2. I think that Pandora is a bit old hat and a bit commercialised and really over-priced for what it’s worth. I too, have a Pandora bracelet (with charms) and do wear it, but much prefer my vintage silver charm bracelet which I’ve had over 40 years. Much more original and classy!!!

@SandyShores I agree that it’s a pity when we lose a sentimental piece of jewellery. You never know, if you think you lost your bracelet at home, it may well turn up in the most unexpected place. These things can and often do happen. I lost a “return to Tiffany” small heart pendant which I was going to sell. I decided not to, and when I came to look for it, can I find it? I’ve had everything out, the settee thoroughly checked but can I find it? The only thing I can think of is that I inadvertently picked it up with some rubbish and threw it away by mistake. Very frustrating! Gold never really loses it value, does it? And the price does vary, but I sold a few unwanted and broken pieces last year and got a good price for it. I inherited a small jewellery weighing machine from my late aunt so I knew how much it was worth. Also, a lovely jeweller’s loupe in its own dinky case to check hallmarks - my aunt certainly loved her jewellery, and took her collection seriously!!

helensbiggestfan

Good morning lovely ladies.  

Free. Wow.  What a story.  So glad you persevered and found your soulmate (yes I do believe in soulmates) 😁.   When you know you know.  

My eldest son asked me "how do you know when you meet the right person". I just smiled and told him that you just know.  A few years later, when he met his now wife,  he came in all bouncy and happy and said. "I know what you mean now".  

Of course we can make mistakes, especially when we are young and inexperienced and it's only too true that we can be deceived, only finding out someone's true nature when it's too late.  Thankfully we now live in a world where we can rectify those mistakes and make a fresh start.  Not easy, but at least here in the West, we have that freedom.  

Re your suggestions for my fledgling business.. I have been thinking and I'm pretty sure you're right. I have decided I won't bother with lower priced items, just not worth the amount of time and work involved. I will just donate the cheap and cheerful items and concentrate on the better brands.  Your Calvin Dress is a great example.  

This story is true.   I had two coats to sell. Good makes and in pristine condition.  I sold them on eBay.  A lady bought one, loved it and immediately contacted me to say could she have the other one at a slight discount.  I was more than happy to give her a reduction seeing as she had bought two items from me.  These were good quality pieces and I got good prices for them.  And....they were the easiest of sales.  

I have often found this, when you sell at the "top end" of the market sales are often very straight forward, no quibbling and a very polite transaction.  Very often when people are trying to buy cheap they will haggle over pennies and be very difficult. I learned that when I once sold a very exclusive designer dress too cheap, the buyer was a nightmare, trying to make out the dress was sub standard.......  In the end I gave her a full refund and told her to keep the dress.  It just wasn't worth the hassle ( less than £10) because she was the sort who would leave me a bad review.   

That transaction taught me to up my game.  There are some sharks on the bay of E,  buyers as well as sellers and you have to protect yourself.   Now I  always make extra sure to point out any flaws, both in the description and and backed up with plenty of photos.  I don't charge postage and I always use reputable carriers.  

I concur with your assessment of Pandora. one of my DILs went mad for it at one stage but I notice that she doesn't bother so much with it now.  I love to buy preloved jewellery because it's usually much better value.  I also like "artisan" hand made jewellery, the sort you get from craft fairs and sometimes special finds when I am on holiday.  I sometimes still make the odd piece but my fingers aren't as nimble as they used to be.  🙄. 

Pleased with my haircut.  Today it's chiro.  I am soooo high maintenance these days.  Lol  

Sandy.  I still look out for my stolen rings.......you never know I might get lucky one day. 🤞 I would recognise the emerald ring immediately because it was vintage and unique. I would buy it back in a heartbeat.  I am not sure I would recognise the one with amethysts as mine though.  It was very pretty but not particularly distinctive as such iyswim.  A fairly common enough design and setting and it wasn't engraved or anything.  

thepurplepixie

I don't wear jewellery, I don't even wear my engagement ring and I'm not sure where it is.  I do wear my wedding ring.  I was very sad when my retirement present was a gold necklace.  It sits in it's box in a drawer, I feel mean to sell it but I will never wear it.  If my husband came home with jewellery I'd think he just didn't know me.  Funny how different we all are.

FreetodoasIlike

@thepurplepixie. So sorry you were disappointed with your retirement present. Did no-one (discreetly) ask you what you would like? My close colleague was given this task. She knew me well, but started asking (not so discreet) questions. I came right out with it and she laughed and admitted she was given the task to find out what I wanted. I think I may or may not have mentioned this before, but the school that I worked at gave iPads to all the children (it was an Independent school). I knew (buying in bulk) that the school would get the iPads HEAVILY discounted. So (not wanting to appear greedy) I asked for vouchers to buy an iPad (I would have been more than pleased if they had let me keep my old school one). Anyway, I didn’t get vouchers but got a new iPad, which I was extremely grateful for, and still typing on now six years later. They really should have taken the time to find out and ask what you wanted (one of my colleagues who was retiring got garden vouchers and put it towards a super-duper lawn mower). Horses for courses - he was very pleased. I personally wouldn’t have any qualms about selling the necklace and wouldn’t feel mean. I would sell it and get something you like. When you get it, you can still say to yourself “this is my retirement gift that my nice colleagues gave me” - doesn’t matter if it wasn’t the original gift.

Yes, I think it’s nice that we are all different. I do love jewellery (as @helensbiggestfan said as well,  I really only go for pre-loved stuff now).  I loved the jewellery programme where contestants had to make their own and compete for the major prize. I also love antique programmes on TV as well as property shows. Now, cooking, gardening, sewing - no! I get that people might love the Bake Off/Masterchef/sewing shows - just not for me!! As I said, we all are different and if people started posting photos of their garden on here, my eyes would glaze over (just like a lot of people  probably did when I posted pics of my dress and jewellery!!!).

Your husband obviously knows you well,  but your sister and your dad clearly don’t know you as well as they think they do if they gave you a Pandora bracelet which you won’t really wear. I tell you what, sell both the Pandora bracelet and gold necklace and buy something you LOVE. Even maybe put the money towards a mini break? It’s not as though they are sentimental family or heirloom items. I have a feeling you probably won’t though!!! 

Free

PS Gold never loses its value and Pandora ALWAYS sells on eBay…….

thepurplepixie

@FreetodoasIlike I think my idea was too boring.  I was decorating the house at the time and I would have loved some vouchers for somewhere like B&Q.  Lots of people just wouldn't think that was a nice present, bit like the lawnmower.  I felt like after nearly 20 years they didn't know me on the other hand maybe they thought I couldn't afford jewellery so it would be a lovely treat.

Makingabobor2

Has anybody got any ideas for buying nice jeans, for a 67 year old who wants to look reasonably trendy. I am a skinny size 10, even an 8 in some makes, but am 5' 9" tall and sometimes need regular and sometimes long, again depending on the make.  I must have tried on dozens of pairs is so many shops  and they seem to fit on the waist but then the legs are too baggy, or they fit on the legs and the waist is too tight. Or they fit but are too short and they don't do a long length, or the long length is too long!  Honestly I felt so frumpy today trying stuff on. I want slim or skinny ones. my legs seem to be too thin for straight ones and I only wear flat shoes, so don't really want boot cut.    Any ideas?  I have literally tried everywhere I can think of, including CSs.