Money Moral Dilemma: Should we give our children from other relationships gifts of the same value?

Ncc

My husband of ten years and I both have two adult children each. We gift and treat them exactly the same. I believe that is the only way it should be. We treat our grandchildren exactly the same too.

Obewan_2

Carry on as you did. But possibly guilt is telling you something? Does the emotion fit the facts. 

bikaga

I don't understand why anyone would be annoyed if the kids who have so far received less get lifted up to the same level, unless it was announced that one set of kids now gets more and the other doesn't get a "gift raise". Though to be fair they're adults, they should be able to cope, if you can afford lifting up one set of presents while keeping the other one the same.

Obviously giving less just so it's fair is, well, not fair, so maybe don't do that

kouponkate

We all have different ways of doing Xmas. And second time round partners tend to still carry traditions from their first marriage. 

So Firstly who pays for the gifts. (Assuming they’re all adult children). Do you buy and pay for the gifts just for your own children or do you share the expense? 

If you share the expense, then I’d suggest equal value gifts. Average out the cost of what you would have spent jointly between all of them. 

However, if you and your partner keep separate finances and buy separate presents then there’s two questions. 

Is this because one of you has more money than the other? And/or can afford to spend more. Then I think you need to agree on how much you spend as it might leave one partner feeling inferior. 

If you have similar income/finances but have always bought separate gifts then carry on as you were.  Buy whatever you want for your children and spend as much as you like. 

Most important thing though is to have the conversation. Don’t just let it fester if it’s something that’s bothering you. 

Bonnypitlad

You see! Martin is correct about this nonsense of giving unnecessary gifts at Christmas 
You are obviously concerned and it is spoiling your Christmas 
Christmas has become far too commercialised 
Tell all the adult offspring that you’ve contributed charity gifts in their name.
Mosquito nets seem to be worthwhile to me
I have donated goats in the past but apparently they can denude the local area of water and vegetation 

LAMBS60

If these “adult “ get upset about the cost of their presents ( unless the difference is one gets a car and another gets socks ) I would suggest some Lego or Playdoh until they actually act like adults. 

Steve_666_

Yes, I'm surprised you need to ask the question.

Mark_d

My partner and I used to buy Xmas presents separately for our respective families separately. We'd spend different amounts but that's never been an issue.

Since last Xmas we've scrapped giving Xmas presents and instead we just look to spend time together.

Newly_retired

I agree with Mark_d.
I have no idea how much my husband spent on his adult children and vice versa. Nobody else’s business- the adult children never see each other to compare notes. Actually I suspect he spent far more on his unmarried daughter than on his married son with a child as that is three people.
I keep trying to have the conversation about no presents, but I find it difficult to turn up to see them empty handed. The teenagers only want money anyway.

Pollycat

How much difference are you talking? (I know this won't be answered).
Tens of £s, hundreds of £s?

Doesn't it depend on how you treat your money?
If you have separate money, surely it's yours and his to spend as both of you wish...

Why do you think your  adult children will be upset if you spend more or less on them than you have in the past?

Why don't you all adopt Martin's suggestion to knock Christmas gift buying on the head altogether?