Compulsive Debtor - help!

bigspenda_3

Apologies for the double post - please disregard the previous SOA and go with the one below



Hi folks hope you are all having a good christmas.

Nessynoo - thanks, I've done this in the last 5 mins and will call the companies involved.

Barron Hard up -

yup, A nice part of the world is Wales, you get your money's worth when crossing the river severn

Yes I believe this a lightbulb moment (3rd one so far I think)
Being in this situation over the festive period really hits home -
Add to this my partners birthday on the 3rd of January - I got the presents before xmas but havent go her a card ! She's dropped hints at being taken out to eat as well!!

immasculated doenst even cover how I feel.......

linniestorm - thanks for the support.

dancing fairy ok will do - just getting the chrusline of cupboardly skeletons ready to do the reality debt shuffle

You're right - I need to change my focus.
I'm 35 and not even thining like a grown up when it comes to money - all my freinds are married and have children.

My other half wants kids so do I.....

OK, here's my current SOA :

Halifax Bank Overdraft :2000
Black Horse Loan : :3900 - 111 per month
Black Horse Car Finance :2532 - 211 per month
CO-OP Loan (Via Wife) :1365 - 273 per month
Loan From Mum :1000 - pay off when I can
Nicator Finance :977 - 22.72 per month

other monthly outgoings
Council taX - £72
Water -
Gas -
Electricity -

Direct Debit - Eclipse Networking 34.69 (Internet)
Direct Debit - Swalec Gas 32.00
Direct Debit - Black Horse 111.52
Direct Debit - Swalec 37.00
Direct Debit - Direct Line Ins 43.16
Direct Debit - Black Horse 211.08
Direct Debit - Bt Direct Debits 15.00
Direct Debit - Roadangel 3.99 (speed camera updates _got 6 point on my license and dont want any more)
Direct Debit - Dwr Cymru W Water 25.39
Direct Debit - Tv Licence Mbp 11.61
Direct Debit - Rhondda Cynon Taf 72.00 (council Tax)
Direct Debit - Orange 33.99
Standing Orders
Nat West - 2nd "parachute" account - £26 (this pays for the Nicator finance)
Wife Loan - £273

Petrol - £200 ( based on current pence per litre rate of 99.9 to 100.9)
Shopping - £180 (average 30-40 per week)

These are all my regular outgoings.

PC games - tend to buy these 2nd hand or wait until release price drops
spend avg 25 per month

Clothes 20 per month

My other half tends to pay for cinema tickets / going out etc

I'll run through my statements and average up other out goings too

I'm stuck in work so cant get access to documents with interst rates on
I'll get this info tonight.

I've cancelled the DD's due to go out on the 3rd of Jan (it's a week Friday)
I'll call the comapnies involved ion the next few minutes to explain.

Telling the other half is going to hell - It's probably going to make or break the relationship - We've been here togther before. She's a whizz with money and saves every penny to go towards house sensible stuff we need.

When she learns of my last years activities......oh god

Thanks to everyone here you dotn know how much help you've already given me.

Does anyone know if there are any groups in suth wales similar to AA where debtors meet ?

If there let me know !

Ta

Mike

Jacks_xxx

bigspenda wrote: »

Hi all

Hope everyone is having a good chrimbo !

OK, My current SOA

Halifax Bank Overdraft : £2000
Black Horse Finance Loan : £3902 £111 Per Month
Loan From Wifey : £1400 £280 per Month

Loan from Mum : £1000 Pending Repayment
Black Horse Car Finance : £2662 £278 per month
Nicator Finance : £977 £22.70 per month

I'll get the Interest Rates together at somepoint today
(I'm currently in work)

Mike

:hello: Cheers honey, Can we have income and bills as well?

What works for someone I know well is to have nothing to do with the household finances or any money at all.

His wages are paid into his OH's account and he has no access to the money at all.

He has an allowance of £5 a day and that's it.

His OH has stopped enabling his addiction / compulsion and doesn't lend him money, give him money or even speak to him about money. They have signed up with an online credit reference agency and she checks his details regularly.

He knows if a credit search turns up in his name, she'll change the locks and have a bonfire of his stuff on the lawn - and that keeps him in check. Just.

Would such a "hard line" approach work for you do you think sweetie?

Love Jacks xxx

bigspenda_3

Jacks_xxx wrote: »

:hello: Cheers honey, Can we have income and bills as well?

What works for someone I know well is to have nothing to do with the household finances or any money at all.

His wages are paid into his OH's account and he has no access to the money at all.

He has an allowance of £5 a day and that's it.

His OH has stopped enabling his addiction / compulsion and doesn't lend him money, give him money or even speak to him about money. They have signed up with an online credit reference agency and she checks his details regularly.

He knows if a credit search turns up in his name, she'll change the locks and have a bonfire of his stuff on the lawn - and that keeps him in check. Just.

Would such a "hard line" approach work for you do you think sweetie?

Love Jacks xxx

Thanks Jacks

My income after tax / pension / NI deductions is 1208
I get paid on the 6th of the month

That's my next plan after telling her - change my bank details so my pay goes into her account and she handles all the bills etc giving me an allowance.

I'd hate it but if it meant us staying together then i'd do it without question.

You seen the wicker man ? we'd have another rendition in the back garden if this happens again (I'm probably on course for that as it is)

Someone told me to go to an AA meeting because the steps are very similar.
I went to a meeting last year but flet awkward feeling the people there had a real problem and mine wasnt that bad beacuse too much money cant kill you.

(sorry I'm off on a tangent here)

A couple of things to do now

Go to my GP and try to explain that the bout of depression has lasted most of my adult life.

Tell the other half that I've lied to her again about mnoey and try to explain that I didnt mean it it's just a compulsion, no, an addiction

Pray that we can salvage something out of this

:undecided

Jacks_xxx

:wave: Hey sweetie,

Whilst you're probably right that too much money can't kill you - the stress, depression and relationship problems created by a compulsive spender / debtor are pretty similar to those caused by any addiction I should think.

It might be worth giving it another couple of goes, just to make sure you've given it a fair crack of the whip.

Telling your OH something like this is never going to be fun, honey, but if you approach it from the point of view of how she's feeling and continue to focus on her point of view rather than yours I think it would help.

She may well need to vent hon and you're just going to have to take it, but hopefully when the dust settles you can work on this together.

Showing her this thread might help.

Do let us know how you get on honeybun. (We worry. )

Love Jacks xxx

bigspenda_3

Hi all

Hope everybody had a good New Year celebration and are not in too much pain

I had to sit it out thanks to 24/7 nature of the internet and my job intertwining.

Ah well, onwards and upwards.

Got all the DD's sorted accept Orange who'd already called for the DD and had it returned. Ive spoen to them and agreed I'll pay on the 7th.

Had a review of all the toys I bought and preparing some for sale on E bay to raise funds to help in clearing some of the overdraft. Just have to keep telling myself I can have these luxeries when I CAN afford them and not resort to buying them with someone else's money.

Had a secondary lightbulb (well, French Atomic Testing in the Pacific Explosion) moment realising just how much pain this inflicts and most of it self inflicting!!!!!!!!

I've also dusted off some books I bought last year including Martins book and a book by Gerrold Mundis
("How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt, and Live Prosperously")

Still working out how to involve my other half in all of this. I'm wrting a "speech" to try and make this as painless for her as possible and be able to show her I'm already dealing with it like an adult.

no prizes for guessing my new years resolutions !!

tallyhoh

Hi Mike,

Happy New Year!

You have to tell her soon you know. My OH has your problem but doesnt think he has.
Its horrible everytime I find out that he's in a mess again. I would feel better if he just told me. At least I would know he had realised something was wrong.

Good Luck

bigspenda_3

Hi Tallyhoh and a happy new year to you too.

Yup I'm going to have to bite the bullet and tell her

Hsve been on to CCCS and wil have to make some changes
(namely my monthly outgoings on my mobile and internet

These 2 I can reduce by lowering the tariffs.

They also advised I spend less than £200 per month on Fuel (recommended max is 155

If it wasnt for the ludicrous amount of tax we pay on Petrol then that would be do-able

I live 35 miles from work (long story, local office closed and I was shipped out to another office etc)

but Im not giving up on that !

I have access to work based systems from home and could theoretically do my job in the house. I might be able to barter for one a week working from home

I work 4 day weeks and could potentially knock £50 off my monthly fuel bill

fingers crossed..........

lewt

http://www.debtorsanonymous.org/

tallyhoh

Could I ask what the networking & orange is for? seems a lot of money. I think you could cancel roadangel & try sticking to the limit, oh, do you live in Wales? I understand then, never seen so many mobile units, they did me 3 years ago.
Do you pay all the bills or have I missed something?

Cheers

bigspenda_3

tallyhoh wrote: »

Could I ask what the networking & orange is for? seems a lot of money. I think you could cancel roadangel & try sticking to the limit, oh, do you live in Wales? I understand then, never seen so many mobile units, they did me 3 years ago.
Do you pay all the bills or have I missed something?

Cheers

Hi all

Well, I've fianlly let on to my wife "Im in a bit of trouble" (no my wife's name isnt "Betty" , I don't wear a beret or do my own stunts )

Apologies for the belated reply

Apart from the Sky subscription and Mortgage, I pay all the utility bills

The Orange phone tariff and Internet Tariff are next on my hit list

I'll Change my ISP to Virgin so I can get ADSL with a discount (I kinda work for them and as a "partner" I can get the same discounts as a regular virgin employee.)

I'll get orange to knock my tariff to the lowest they offer and on contract expiry switch to virgin mobile (same discount above will apply)

Apparently there's a site where you can access all the safety camera money boxes locations and where the mobile piggy banks will be on certain days.

I've got 6 points now and only use RA to stop me picking up more
I could of course simply keep to the speed limit.

Re: DA meetings,
Thanks for the link I've used this prevously.
There arent any meetings near me so as part of my therapy Im going to attend a local AA group and discuss setting up a DA meeting

Again, thanks for your continued support, without this and the help of my darling I probably wouldnt be here to type this

Thanks and I love you all