Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more towards a holiday with my boyfriend who earns less than me?

alggomas

The fact is both of you are paying/saving for a property, brings another problem later in your relationship. You have only been together 6 months. You both have to decide later on in this relationship, whose house to live in etc etc.
it is irrelevant who gets paid more.
my wife was earning £15000 a year more than me but I was not concerned as we were in love and  in my experience I’ve seen married and bf/gf saying “ can I have the £20 I lent you?”.
or “I paid for petrol last time”.
you both decide where you want to go. and both contribute. I would not say I’ll contribute more until you discuss the venue. Also even hinting at “ I earn more than you” is a disaster of relationship guarantee.

abdam

It sounds like he's not struggling, just earning less. So is it really making an impact on him or are you just worrying?

Don't go over board at this stage as it may be setting the bar too high for later on in the relationship. 

Select something you both agree on, listen to his views too, but essentially still be you and do what you feel. If you rely on other people’s views on what to do it may not be you that he is liking and then things maybe handled differently later in life. 

If you want to both know the person you’re with, just be yourself and do what you want, as that is you and will be unfair to him getting to know the not real you…

Heinous73

"at this stage of our relationship" is the key. 

If it's too early to discuss earnings, then it's too soon to be worrying about this.
Just be generous.

Judy1389

Mark_d said:

It sounds like you generally don't have joint expenses that need to be split?

If this assumption is correct, then I suggest you choose the holiday with your boyfriend and work on the basis that the cost is split 50:50.

For much of my married life my partner earned roughly £10k less than me.  We chose our home together, at a price point we were both happy with.  We split all bills 50:50.  When it came to holidays, we made the agreement that my partner would pay half the cost of their ideal holiday...and I would pay the difference.  So if I wanted to upgrade the holiday, the upgrade would be a treat at my expense.

Would massively +1 this approach. I've always made more than my partner (and probably always will, given our respective career paths). In the beginning as bf/gf, we chose holidays based on what he could afford (and I paid the other half). If I wanted an upgrade beyond what he could afford, it was on the agreement it'd be out of my pocket.

Now that we're married and have shared finances, our shared budgets are all based on proportion (e.g., 15% of our net monthly income goes towards shared holiday savings pot) rather than absolute amounts.

confusedgranny

It sounds as if you aren't living together or even thinking about it yet if he is saving for his own property. 
So you're not at the 'what's mine is yours' stage. (maybe even if you did live together you wouldn't want to manage your money like that).
So first work out and share info on what you want to afford for the holiday, look at what is available. Then if you really want something that costs more decide whether to offer to pay more.

girloutdoors

It is important to set expectations in life on what is and isn't affordable for you. If your bf has overreached his affordability with this holiday, he needs to know it, and paying more for him will not help unless you have a full discussion about it. I'm hoping that when you booked this he was aware of the cost and his ability to afford it in which case, maybe pay for things whilst you are away. 
I would not necessarily pay more whilst you are still in a fairly early stage relationship, and until you are sharing responsibilities of finances (i.e. living together and paying bills together), I would keep your finances separate.

gloriouslyhappy

Too early in the relationship to set a precedent where you pay more - just agree on a holiday you can both afford, and you can treat him to a nice dinner when you get there.

Time for an in-depth financial discussion once you’ve been together much longer.

Ringo90

I've already been in this situation 3 times with 3 different partners, including situations where we were living together. Both in choosing holidays and i.e. a flat to rent, the general approach I've taken is asking him how much he could afford for a budget. If I agreed to the same amount then we would split 50/50 (and then I would treat him to, say, a dinner out or experience). If I wanted something better because I could afford it considering my salary, then I would also pay the difference.
This has worked for me because despite my decent salary, I'm used to be careful with my money and be happy with little things, so most times I was okay with settling for the budget my partner suggested.
However it depends on many circumstances: stage of the relationship, amount of trust you have in each other, relative difference of salary (as someone mentioned, 10k could be a less or more relevant difference depending on how much you earn) and general approach you have on your finances.
I wonder how come you know his salary and he doesn't know yours though...

Soupekandia

Noooo! In my experience... I was in a similar situation with my ex. I paid for lots of things because I earnt more and thought it was the right thing to do. In the end he just took advantage of me. Only after the relationship ended did I realise he'd stayed way longer (years!) than he was interested in me for, due to the financial benefits  I would avoid even letting him find out that you earn more, if you end up getting married it's something to talk about but before then I wouldn't!

primrose_penguin

Your holiday should be to somewhere you can both afford and the cost shared 50/50, as you are going as a couple it will probably be cheaper than going singly anyway. You may earn more than him but you probably have higher outgoings with a mortgage etc. Your relationship is still quite young and he probably realises you are earning more than him to be able to afford to buy your own house. You can always go dutch when eating out or treat each other occasionally, have a lovely holiday