Suddenly A Single Mum On Benefits

chirpychick

Hi!
I suddenly find myself a single mum of 1 after 19 years in a relationship (the same age I was when we met). I have never been alone!
I am late diagnosed autistic and adhd, my son is 10 and also autistic/adhd as well as multiple other complex needs. I have ARFID, am gluten and dairy intolerant and diabetic. My son is currently not in school due to his needs. 
I have finally sorted out benefits which was a minefield but I believe we are now receiving everything we are entitled to, just waiting for the council tax lady to come back to me. 

Money though is so super tight and whilst I have had to scrimp and be frugal in the past, this is a whole "new level" for me and I am really struggling. Especially as everything is paid at different times!

I have nothing saved for Christmas or his Birthday (also dec) which is worrying me, nothing saved for logs and I can't afford to put the heating on. Everything costs an absolute fortune.

Managing money is hard enough let alone with the cost of everything and now having to live alone, do everything by myself whilst caring for my son. I don't have much of a support network, though his dad does what he can, he lives a ways away and only has fuel to visit twice a week.

I guess after all this long waffle, the point of my post is - does anyone have any advice? Any suggestions of anything that maybe I wont have considered? Whether it's about how to manage on a low income or how to be a single mum caring for a disabled child. I feel quite alone and overwhelmed by it all today, but I know i'm not the only one and that others may be able to offer wise words of wisdom.

Thank you in advance.

flamingo747

Bless you, its a huge life change. I have an 11 year old autistic son, and am suspected ADHD. I imagine you already get DLA and carers? 

I would look for any single parent or autism support groups in your area, and call in help from friends and family for things like practical help

Is your son able to understand the changes and that xmas/bday will be pared down?

Is your ex paying his fair share for child support etc?

thara1996

Heya.  

In order to get back on track you need to save as much as possible from now on. This is why it is a good idea to have like minded pals. If you contact Carers UK tomorrow or Scope they will be able to offer you up to date benefit information as well. Good luck to you. You are in my prayers too. You can do this. Being a single parent is hard but totally doable. Seriously. 

Ask for help as far as possible. If you can, go to a food bank at the nearest church in question to see if they can offer you part time work. The food bank staff can also lead you to a few other useful resources. It cannot hurt at all literally either. Change your whole mindset. Talk to a financial advisor online or via the phone about your entire financial situation. Perhaps they can assist you in coming out of debt. 

Another option is to sell things online as a independent business. Or you can set up a table at a car boot sale. Alternatively donate old unwanted books or toys to high street charity stores pronto. It is a good way in addition to make new friends and learn a new skill. If any such event exists make full use of the opportunity. 

Care homes are always in need of more skilled and trained staff these days for sure. Start off there. Consider your own personality, skills, interests and hobbies when looking for work. Read some free career adverts and descriptions carefully then make some brief summary notes. Highlight all the key parts of the description using a highlighter pen. Look at online company websites instead here. Often times it will yield a lot more results and contain much more information to read. Research is a vital part of the process. Do as much as possible. Networking is crucial to success in any industry. 

Brie

Look for groups in your area that support the autistic and their carers.  As already said - check out the food banks.  It's not just for food though (as great as that can be) but also all the add ons a lot of them do.  They'll generally know what other resources you might be able to access as they often have links across the wider community.  Many of them also have lots of "extras" like having Citizen's Advice on site or budget advisers or clothing banks.  Some will source school uniforms or winter clothing.  And they are, not surprisingly, quite nice people to sit and have a cuppa tea with and maybe a biscuit or two.  

Also think about what business connections you might have and what assistance they might have available.  I'm thinking of things like unions or business associations that might be able to provide advice or even financial support to someone going through a major transition.  It could be you OR your ex partner that connects you to these.  Shout if you want some more info.

Look for things that the council has on offer as well, or even your doctor's surgery.  Your mental as well as physical health is important so they may be able to put you on to free or discounted things like talk therapy, gym membership etc.  

AND of course you're on the Old Style money saving section of the forum - have a look out for the various (& invariably long) threads about money saving household tips and where to make savings when cooking etc.  

mandy47

Checkout your local freecycle site. There are often toys and childrens books.
 Same goes for Olio. Not just for food.Their non food section often has clothes toys and books. 

goldfinches

Hello and welcome to the Old Style Board.
I'm sorry to hear about the breakdown of your relationship and that things are feeling so hard at the moment. I have some advice based on my own experience of being a lone parent so here goes.

First, the good news is that you know from experience what you need to have to get through the next few months living in your current home so sit down and think back over the last year or so and make yourself a nice, clear list of what you'll need to get you and your son to next May/June in good shape. You'll obviously need money but try instead to list things like three loads of logs from the timber yard and £500 vouchers for T*sco and £2000 vouchers for Asd* so that you've broken it down into smaller units and put things like a job for you or social contact for you and your son on the list too. 

Next make a list of everyone you can think of that you could possibly ask for help e.g. friends, neighbours, family, old colleagues, local WI, food bank, your GP, local council, CAB, health visitor, befriending charity and so on. 

Now try going through your list of needs and seeing how many of those things will be covered by the benefits you have managed to sort out so far then go through the list again and see if you can start thinking about the needs that aren't covered and which of the people or organisations on the help list you think might be able to provide that need. 
The point about this is that other people cannot read your mind and do want to help you, the clearer you can be about what would be helpful to you the easier they will find it to know whether they can offer that help or not. If you find it hard to ask for help try turning it around and thinking about one of your friends asking you for help and whether you'd want to help them if you could.

The other things I suggest doing are to have a massive sort out at home and sell as advantageously as possible everything that you and your son won't need or use in the next two years. You can get lots of help with that on the ebay board on this forum.
Then go through every bill you pay regularly and see if there might be a discount for hardship or any kind of special package that will bring it down and whether or not you really need that item.
Then ask your GP about prescriptions for suitable foods for you and your son and don't forget that for him they are free so ask for multivitamins, painkillers etc. from them if you can get them. Ask your GP/health visitor about counselling for you to help you cope with this massive change and to be someone to support you as you come to terms with your new way of life.
Then talk to your son about school and sort out between you whether you can work outside your home or whether you need a job that you can do from home. Then, work out how much you need to earn to keep yourself afloat and divide that by the number of hours you can work, consider carefully if you can achieve that figure and start talking to anyone who can give you an idea of where to look for work. Consider fringe benefits that staff get like reduced price food and free uniform and so on and decide where you're going to direct your efforts and get applying. It's a good time to need a job now as companies like Royal Mail take on extra people for the Christmas period so there's that in your favour. 
For food specifically, I suggest first making an inventory of everything edible in the house and its location. Then sit down and plan a set menu to cover a fortnight or three weeks meals that will suit both of you, that you can cook easily and that you know you both will enjoy eating. Then get rid of any food that neither of you can eat and sort out your shopping list for the next ten days or so and cost it online before you leave the house so that you can plan your shopping to the best advantage. Stick to your set menu for three or four rotations and then change it to another set menu for three or four rotations, it makes your life much easier and for variety you can vary frozen vegetable accompaniments or puddings made from tinned fruit.
Get over to the Benefits board on here to ask the very experienced people there whether you are getting everything you should be and also check with them the amounts you are receiving too, it's very difficult to know if you're on the right level of a benefit as there can be various factors which bump you up or down, so do ask. 
Have a look at the Boost your Income board too, things like Prolific Academic can pay for your broadband for the year which is one less bill you have to cover.
My last tip is to ask for a State Pension Forecast now so that you can begin to think about planning ahead and can also check that you've been credited with the right number of years worth of contributions and home responsibilities protection as well. It's worth keeping this paperwork in a file so that you have it when you are my age, in case some mistakes have been made in the interim.  If you have any private pensions you might also look at those and head over to the pensions board to get their advice if you need it. 

Please remember that you're not alone and that this time next year you'll be slapping yourself on the back for what you've achieved, keep on keeping on and come back whenever you need cheering up. 

Frith

When you are more settled, you can apply to Family Fund for a grant or holiday voucher.