Struggling to keep pregnancy a secret

My girlfriend took a pregnancy test last week which said she was pregnant and we work it out that she is currently 4 weeks pregnant. She has made an appointment with the doctor to give us some advice on where to go next and by the time she has seen the doctor she will be almost 5 weeks pregnant. We have agreed that we aren't telling anyone until the first scan is done for obvious reasons but we are really struggling to keep it a secret, especially from our family.

We went out for a family meal at the weekend and my girlfriend didn't have an alcoholic drink for obvious reasons but my parents especially my mum picked up on this and kept asking why she wasn't having a drink. Quick thinking on my part I told her we had been to a friends birthday party the week before and had one too many and that is why we are not drinking.

But now I have been told we have been invited to a family wedding which is around the same time as the first scan, I have told my mum I have no issue driving but my mum is insistent on why I am not getting a taxi like the rest of the family. 

I keep trying to flimflam my way out of things but my mum is the type of person who will never let things lie. What should I do? Me and my girlfriend are worried enough about this pregnancy so we don't want to tell anyone about it until the first scan and we know everything is okay.
«13

Comments

  • la531983
    la531983 Posts: 1,672
    First Post Name Dropper
    Forumite
    You could claim she is on antibiotics for something (you dont want to say) and she cant drink on them.

    End of the day though I suspect she will put all the pieces together and work it out anyway.
  • la531983 said:
    You could claim she is on antibiotics for something (you dont want to say) and she cant drink on them.

    End of the day though I suspect she will put all the pieces together and work it out anyway.
    I wouldn't be surprised if she did work it out. Like I said though, we don't want to tell anyone yet in case anything goes wrong. 

    I don't want to say what I am worried about going wrong but I am sure you know what I am on about.
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 46,765
    Academoney Grad Name Dropper Photogenic First Anniversary
    Ambassador
    edited 26 September 2023 at 10:29AM
    Antibiotics, imminent blood test requiring no alcohol beforehand, sponsored dry October, no reason I just feel like a day off alcohol, saving money so decided to be the nominated driver today, "can't anyone decline a drink without being quizzed?", MYOB,..

    Tbh, if you are at the right life stage, people will make assumptions anyway. My DIL only has to be wearing a loose dress and I can almost see people's minds' ticking.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on The Coronavirus Boards as well as the housing, mortgages and student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to [email protected] (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • calleyw
    calleyw Posts: 9,814
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Forumite
    Don't understand why people can't mind their own business and then they have to double down and have to keep pushing for answers.  Just say for health reason your and your partner are giving up alcohol.  Most people would not realise that I drink as often I don't as I just don't fancy it or I have low alcohol version.  But why and when I choose to drink is my business and no elses
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
  • I get you don't want to tell people and the reasons behind it. My first pregnancy I shared with wider family, when it didn't work out it as hoped, it was awful having to share that information so wide. 

    However, I'm glad my parents knew, and with subsequent pregnancies they were aware but it was kept to a small circle that knew in the early days. 

    People always guess early on, most people have the decency to keep thoughts to themselves. Perhaps a quiet word with both sets of parents isn't such a bad thing? 


    Make £2023 in 2023 (#36) £3479.30/£2023

    Make £2024 in 2024...
  • I get you don't want to tell people and the reasons behind it. My first pregnancy I shared with wider family, when it didn't work out it as hoped, it was awful having to share that information so wide. 

    However, I'm glad my parents knew, and with subsequent pregnancies they were aware but it was kept to a small circle that knew in the early days. 

    People always guess early on, most people have the decency to keep thoughts to themselves. Perhaps a quiet word with both sets of parents isn't such a bad thing? 


    Your scenario is exactly what I am trying to avoid, I can't image how hard it must have been to have gone through what you did. I know my parents will be made up at the thought of becoming grandparents but I don't want to tell them anything until we know everything is okay.
  • My point was more when faced with worse case scenarios, having a small support network can be important. 

    My mistake was telling Aunts and Grandparents 

    Make £2023 in 2023 (#36) £3479.30/£2023

    Make £2024 in 2024...
  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,838
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper Photogenic
    Forumite
    edited 26 September 2023 at 12:48PM
    Your mum already knows, especially if you have gone sober in solidarity. Nobody gives a flyer about other people's driving arrangements.
    I agree with annabanana; we told our parents early on (which was a big help as it meant we had someone to talk to when there were scary moments). Secrecy is for extended family and friends. 
    If you must keep it secret from everyone, your girlfriend should switch to not-drinking neat whisky. (People will notice if a pint of beer isn't being drunk, it's easier to nurse a glass of whisky without touching the contents and occasionally feed it to a plant pot.) People are going to work it out or at least speculate if they notice a sudden change in drinking habit and you're of the right age, so you might as well have as much fun as possible playing secret agent. 
    Are your Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney sorted?
  • bouicca21
    bouicca21 Posts: 6,492
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Forumite
    Totally get why you don’t want to tell anyone.  My rule was to wait until 12 weeks …

    Fizzy water over ice with a slice of lemon looks just like a g&t.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,824
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary Bake Off Boss!
    Forumite
    It's a myth that you can't drink on any antibiotics. There are only a very specific few  that can't be taken together. Although of course if you're ill enough to need antibiotics then alcohol is probably not a good idea. 

    It's sad that someone can't have something non alcoholic without suspicions being raised. 

    It's relatively recently that some feel the need to wait till 12 weeks but it's your choice of course
     
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 341.8K Banking & Borrowing
  • 249.7K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.2K Spending & Discounts
  • 233.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 606.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 172.5K Life & Family
  • 246.8K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.8K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards