Marry for Love OR Money??

Savvy_Sue

Mind you, all this "When it's right you'll know" needs taking with a pinch of salt as well.

What I'm saying is that it takes more than an overwhelming gooey gushy feeling - or even lots of overwhelmingly gooey gushy feelings - to make a marriage that lasts.

Marrying on the strength of gooey feelings alone is, IMO, a recipe for disaster unless there is also some clear headed thought. If you come from radically different backgrounds, what does that mean on a day to day level? Will your families accept each other? And if not, how much does that matter to each of you? Do you agree about how to spend and save money? About whether or not you want children? About where you want to live? About what you both want to do for a living?

And let's get really basic. Is the one you love free to marry? Your heart may melt when the boss walks in, and hers may somersault, but if she's got 6 kids and your wife is pregnant, RUN A MILE!

I'm not suggesting that last paragraph applies to the OP, by the way, just saying that a lot of heartbreak is caused because people don't engage their brain if they feel all gooey.

ditzymuppet

Marry for love, never money. Sure you'll be suffering in comfort when the marriage goes belly up if you marry for money... But love conquers all :rolleyes:

I don't think that at the moment either of your options, be it contestant no. 1 or contestant no. 2 are suitable... hang around until that illusive contestant no. 3 turns up then you'll know you've made the right choice. :rolleyes:

~ditzy~ x

dee2005

I am of the old fashioned opinion that men should provide for us women. I was married to a man who had a lot of money, but like a fool I risked my marriage for a man who had very little, thinking love was more important than money. Boy was I wrong. It ended a few months later after I was totally fed up supporting him and feeling resentful that he was sponging off me. Money definetly helps, but of course you have to feel totally comfortable with that person who has the money. But never go for a man with very little money, no matter what you think you feel for him, because after a while you will resent having to pay for him.

margaretclare

dee2005 wrote:

I am of the old fashioned opinion that men should provide for us women.

Hi Dee, I couldn't disagree with you more.

As a modern woman about to reach my 70th b'day in a few weeks' time, I don't want to be 'provided for', thank you very much. I enjoy my independence. I like the feeling that I've always worked for what I have now. I enjoy getting my own pension and annuity payments earned in my own right and not on a husband's contribution.

But never go for a man with very little money, no matter what you think you feel for him, because after a while you will resent having to pay for him.

Well, my present husband couldn't have had less of this world's goods and money than he had on that memorable night when he stood on my doorstep like a refugee. I'd invited him to move in with me 'if the situation gets really desperate' - this was in his second disastrous marriage. And he stood on my doorstep and made this little speech: 'I'm 62, I've no home, no money, no job, no prospects, I'm diabetic, have (other health problems), I've debts from this marriage - do you still want me?'

He didn't think he'd ever get another job. He was 63 when he did, in a completely different field, worked for another 4 years, would have gone on there only he was 'retired' on his 67th birthday. He managed to hang on to his annuity and upcoming state pension in return for giving up the equity in the matrimonial home.

All I had was my home (mortgaged) and I was pleased I was able to offer him shelter - as he described it, manna from heaven, a lifeline to a drowning person. We've both worked, we both share, make decisions together, I don't 'pay for' him, we share. There's no resentment! Sure, there would be if it was all give on my side and take on his. But this is very far from being the case.

Aunty Margaret

dee2005

Some women feel that they have to be in a relationship with a man, and they start to panic when they are without one for any length of time, even if it means stealing another woman's husband. Just be very careful about what you do, and do not feel you have to rush into anything. Remember, there are plenty more fish in the sea, and that is very true. Remember what I said about a man with less money than yourself.

BWZN93

At the end of the day, the fact that cant decide between the two suggests to me that you shouldnt marry any of these guys!

Ive had boyfreinds in the past who have had more money than me, and to be honest, that was not the basis of a successful relationship, never mind marriage. My current boyf is a musician and just recently finished uni, and is still living off the money he gets from his parents. We live together and I have just started to work - earning far more money than he would in a regular job.

Initially, I was bothered that he didnt want to get a 'career' as the music thing may never take off, however, it is his love, and I would never ever dream of making him give that up - his music comes first, and he will have a regular job to pay the bills. Incidentally, his music projects are now coming to fruition, and he has more money coming in from this avenue, and whilst he may not ever be a millionaire - Id sooner be with him and keep to a tight budget, as he is my best friend, and I dont think anyone else on the planet will ever really 'know' me like he does.

Jo xx

dee2005

Lets face it. Men dont think the same way as we females do. All this hype about love...etc. doesnt really figure in mens vocabulary. Either, we fit the bill, or we dont.

ceegee

Have to agree with dee....all men seem to want is sex, food and no commitment. Sometimes I wonder if men and women are compatible.

daveboy

For the record I've only read the first page of contributions.

I would say marry for love.

I met a girl in 1999 in Australia, fell for her immediately. As I speak she is hopefully coming over in November - I'll be paying as she has nothing.

That's called love.

Never marry for money because as the saying goes - money doesn't buy you happiness.

Highland_Doll

Marry for love, and only love. Money doesn't buy happiness but it sure goes a long way to enjoying life. If you marry for love, you can work towards providing the finer things in life by working hard. If you work hard together, in whatever format suits you, you will achieve your goals, together!

Marriage is hard work sometimes, sometimes you fall out, want different things etc...the key is compromise and you both wanting to make the other person happy.

I have been married 18 years (second marriage, first only lasted 2 years as the snake went off with another woman whilst I was in hospital almost dying but that's another story...) and I can't say it's always been easy, but we love each other. When we first met, we had no money, 18 years later, we are very comfortable! I have a very good life. If you love each other, are committed etc...you will get all your dreams together.

Money does not buy love, but as I said earlier, it makes for a more comfortable life, so meet the guy you love, and get your dreams together. If you never have much money, at least you have the person who matters more than anything to you by your side. Holding your hand through life, sharing your triumphs, your tears etc. A man who just offers money can never give you that and I would assume any marriage based purely on money would be doomed. Anyway, where I come from they have a name for girl's who marry for money....not nice girls at all and men should run a mile from them.