Marry for Love OR Money??

Savvy_Sue

The fact that you say No. 1 doesn't want children makes me think that you do, or might. Don't assume he'll change his mind. If having children matters to you, he's not the one for you. And if you're begining to resent supporting the two of you on one wage, it doesn't sound like he's the one for you.

And marry for money? Oh no! It takes a lot of love to survive marriage.

jenpoptab

It has to feel right inside and to ask surely means neither 1 is right. When you know it's right you know!

LittleMissBargain

I have to agree with previous posters, I'm not sure you've found The One yet.

On the money issue, I earn twice as much as my partner and at the beginning of our relationship this was a bit of an issue as I sometimes felt I was always the one with my purse out.
However, I quickly came to realise that although I might bring more cash to the relationship, my partner brings things to it that money cannot buy - he is supportive, loving, funny and always there for me. This is worth far more than someone who earns a packet but is never at home or arrogant because he is loaded !

I wish you the best of luck and like other people, agree that you should keep looking for someone you just feel right with and who wants the same things as you from life, then even if he is as poor as a church mouse you won't care because you will be so happy !

Best of luck

nearlyrich

There is so much more to life than money and you really don't have to be rich to be happy, in fact looking at so called "celebrities" with more money than they know what to do with, name one who appears to be happy??

The age gap thing, we've got one, it's bigger than yours but it really doesn't affect anything about our lives. Having said that we both had children before we met and we didn't want any more so if you want children and he doesn't it is a different situation and that, not the age gap may lead to resentment in the long run. It's a lot to give up for someone if you really want to start a family.

I was reading a magazine in a waiting room today and there was a quote which stuck...


People are buying things they don't need with money they haven't earned to impress people they don't like..

How true.

When you meet Mr Right you won't care how much he earns or if there is an age gap, you will just know.

System

Skint_Catt wrote:

My best friend is the guy I'm with now (No1), but we have very different outlooks on the future. And I think I'm already on the way to resenting paying for everything - which feels v selfish, even if he earnt anything, but steadily, I think it would help.

Sorry but if your having to decide between the two, neither of them are right for you.

LearningToSave.

i agree with lillibet and judi............if you have to ask then neither is right for you.
right up until the day i met my husband(jan 26th 2002) i believed i didnt want children or believe in marriage.......here i am now with two beautiful children and happily married and i knew from that night i met him that he was the one and what i wanted had changed,i never needed to ask.....if its right you just know.

lush_walrus

I'm not sure which option is the best option for you, but I can understand your concerns.

When I met my boyfriend I was earning 3 times as much as he was, I had a profession, he didnt. I had been to university, where as he hadn't and I lived a completely different life to him. I also had no debts where as he had about £10,000 worth of debts and a failing business.

But, although my friends thought I was crazy to see him as an option as we had such a different life, when they met him they saw what I saw and that was that although we were different on the lifestyle surface but our values are exactly the same.

To cut a long story short, it is now 4 years on and we are still completely happy. In the last year or so his work life has completely taken off and now his business is thriving and all debts are paid off.

I think what I am basically trying to say is that I think it is your values which matter more than money. Money situations change up and down and all over the place, but if you both agree on how money is spent, how hard you want to work to earn it and further life desisions such as having children, owning property etc are the same then it can all work perfectly well.

At the end of the day if I had ruled my boyfriend out on lack of earning potential as some people thought I should, I would have missed out on my soulmate!

margaretclare

lush_walrus wrote:

But, although my friends thought I was crazy to see him as an option as we had such a different life, when they met him they saw what I saw and that was that although we were different on the lifestyle surface but our values are exactly the same.

I think what I am basically trying to say is that I think it is your values which matter more than money. Money situations change up and down and all over the place, but if you both agree on how money is spent, how hard you want to work to earn it and further life desisions such as having children, owning property etc are the same then it can all work perfectly well.

Yes, I agree, it's the basic values which matter.

I find as I've got older, I've gone more and more back to the values of my maternal grandparents. They were poor as the proverbial church mice, but they had strong values - pay your way, work for what you get, the roof over your head, food, warmth, being clean and keeping out of debt. They came from generations of country people who never travelled far and never saw much - I grew up without radio, needless to say no television, we didn't have electricity, loo outside, I washed my hair in rain-water heated on the fire...

My present husband started life in the East End, kids' Saturday morning cinema, street markets etc. But his grandparents on both sides were East European immigrants and they also had their priorities - they survived because of those priorities and values.

Funnily enough, I can see that my family would have loved him and taken him to their hearts immediately, although his family wouldn't have done the same for me (mustn't 'marry out', you see).

When we got together in 1997 a lot of the older women I knew couldn't understand 'why I wanted a new man in my life/in my bed, why I couldn't be content to be a widow for the rest of my life' !!!! There's no answering people like that.

Aunty Margaret

rchddap1

My partner is older than me and came with a lot of baggage attached. My family weren't all that impressed at first (cos of baggage). They were concerned for me. However, it wasn't too long before they could tell that I made a first class choice. They can see that I am happy, and that he loves me so very much. And they have taken him to their hearts as a part of the family, which means so much to me.

Don't worry about what the family will say, or how big the age gap is. In reality is doesn't really matter. They want what is best for you, and simply want you to be happy. When you find the right person for you, you will know.

This isn't a matter that you should be thinking about at all (ie, no1 or no2). WHen its right, its right and as other's have stated there simply aren't any questions in your head.

fatboyonadiet

Neither or both me thinks, no seriously I reckon neither and wait until someone who's a combo of 1 and 2 comes along.