Parents now needing care, need advice on financial do's and don'ts

Savvy_Sue

Mojisola said:

Savvy_Sue said:

You say they are resisting outside help. There may well come a point when family help is no longer enough. And my view is that with cognitive impairment, if you wait until that point, it may be too late for the help to be accepted. Get it set up sooner. Talk to Dad, explain that you want to be prepared, to have plans in place before your mum can't cope with strangers in the house.

And add to that - if it's all down to you, what happens when you want to go on holiday or are sick for a few days or, even worse, if you had an accident and were in hospital - how would they manage then?

It's also worth getting your GP to note that you are a carer in your notes.

I was trying not to be too doom-laden, but you're quite right. 

What happened with my FIL is that he became completely dependent on MIL. If he couldn't see her, he became very anxious - to the extent of leaving the house if he couldn't find her, thinking she'd left him! He'd become very agitated during hospital stays. Honestly, I don't know what we would have done if anything had happened to MIL, she did have a couple of falls before he died but didn't tell anyone, and I'm sure caring for him worsened her own health problems. 

When his memory was first disappearing, I did suggest getting some care, just to give him some companionship - he didn't really have any friends nearby, whereas she at that stage was still going out to meet a friend for coffee every week. By the time she couldn't go out without him, she felt that getting someone in wouldn't work because he'd want to know who they were and what they were doing in his house!