How has this house gone up so much?

Mark_Glasses

@Herzlos I've already missed the boat for retiring at 41. My wife has never been driven by money like me and does get irritated by me always putting money first. If I saved like she did though we'd never have bought a property, around £70k of the £75k deposit we put down on our property came from me. She also resents the fact we only own 'half a property' because it's a flat.

YoungBlueEyes

Is there a way you could raise it with her that if she wasn't spending money like it's gong out of fashion you could afford a whole house? Maybe get some numbers on paper first so you've a focal point for the conversation? 

Herzlos

Mark_Glasses said:

@Herzlos I've already missed the boat for retiring at 41. My wife has never been driven by money like me and does get irritated by me always putting money first. If I saved like she did though we'd never have bought a property, around £70k of the £75k deposit we put down on our property came from me. She also resents the fact we only own 'half a property' because it's a flat.

I'd maybe more concerned about irritating your wife about money than retiring early. Divorces are expensive!

[Deleted User]

You presumably didn't marry your wife for her saving ability or lack thereof.  If she IS spending more than is necessary ( in your opinion) is it on things that make her happy as an antidote to the general gloom? To be honest, whilst I am not a spender myself, there was very little more depressing in life than the ex boyfriend who wouldn't buy more than a teacake when out for the day and drew the line at buying a cone of chips for himself ( or me buying one for him)  when he could eat half of mine instead  ( this when chips were cheap!). Don't get so caught up in money that you lose sight of the simple ( and sometimes free) pleasures that willl make for a more enjoyable homelife, even in a flat. 

Mark_Glasses

@YoungBlueEyes to be honest I don't really know what's possible myself. The difference between us is that if I get a pay rise I put the extra money to savings but if she gets a pay rise she spends the extra money. Her pay rises have always been minimal though, she's getting around 20% more than she was when we were offered our mortgage whereas I'm getting 80% more. In real terms though she's more or less getting the same.

@Herzlos that's where I'm struggling. If I spend and don't save we're not getting a house and if I save I'm being too tight.

@[Deleted User] we were both poor students when we met and had no savings. I'm not as extreme as your ex boyfriend, I recall a time when we were both getting around £14k a year we had a meal at an expensive restaurant one time because we wanted to. We do have different backgrounds though, I'm from a very working class area of Leeds and she's from a very middle class little town in Kent. I didn't grow up in poverty by any means but money was tight and the fear of being poor was always there. Her family wasn't rich but money was never an issue for them and never got talked about. A recent example of my annoying her with my tightness was we were getting a train from Kings Cross and I decided to go to the Sainsburys down the road to get food and drink for the train rather than pay the extortionate price for the same thing in the station or on the train.

Ksw3

OP, I strongly suggest you look into status anxiety. Affects us all to a degree but I think it might help you find perspective. 

YoungBlueEyes

Mark how about you get all you bank statements and receipts and things together and head over the the debt free wannabe board. They will help you see the wood from the trees and give you some ideas about how your money could be better managed, and show you what's possible. They really are all kinds of clever over there. 

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/debt-free-wannabe

Even if you just do this for yourself to start with and see what transpires. More might be possible than you imagine. 

MeteredOut

...and, if not already happing, spend at least as much energy in speaking to your partner about these issues as you are putting into responses on this board.

Herzlos

Mark_Glasses said:

@Herzlos that's where I'm struggling. If I spend and don't save we're not getting a house and if I save I'm being too tight.

Maybe try somewhere in the middle. There's no point in having savings if you're miserable.

Also, try this from her perspective:
"A recent example of my annoying her with my tightness was we were getting a train from Kings Cross and I decided to go to the Sainsburys down the road to get food and drink for the train rather than pay the extortionate price for the same thing in the station or on the train."

"Instead of just grabbing some food on the train we were getting, he insisted on dragging me all of the way to Sainsburys to save a couple of quid".  Did she want to just "go down the road"?

You might get on better by suggesting you grab "nicer" food rather than "cheaper" food.

ebodman1985

MeteredOut said:

...and, if not already happing, spend at least as much energy in speaking to your partner about these issues as you are putting into responses on this board.

Agreed. Sounds like you know what the solution is... it's just difficult to execute. If it makes you feel any better, the problem isn't unique to the UK. I live in NZ and house prices are insane here (so is the cost of living). Even though the market has dropped, the average house price in my area is over $1 million. I just wish I'd had the money to buy 10 years ago before things went crazy. I'm now having to tap into government assistance and apply for a low-deposit home loan just to get my deposit over the line https://unitymoney.co.nz/get-a-loan/first-home-loan/ . Do you have that option over there?