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How to approach noisy neighbour

2

Comments

  • victor2
    victor2 Posts: 7,966 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Thank you everyone  :)

    So far I have;
    Sorry if our music was a bit loud yesterday, "A" got a bit carried away but it was mostly to cover up the noise coming through our living room wall. I hope everything is ok? We have noticed an increase in noise lately and it is starting to disturb us. Sometimes the thuds are so loud they make our walls and floor vibrate"

    Just not sure how to end it
    Say when the noise is particularly bad, so that they know you're referring to a specific event, and not just general noise. Just end it with something like "do you think you can do anything to reduce the noise."
    As above though, try to deliver it verbally, not in a message.

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  • yorkiechick
    yorkiechick Posts: 121 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Name Dropper
    Thank you. It is a message because honestly, my anxiety can’t deal with an in person confrontation. I’ve been on the verge of tears all day just at the thought of sending it! 
  • victor2
    victor2 Posts: 7,966 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Can't your OH deliver it verbally, and see the immediate reaction?

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  • Exodi
    Exodi Posts: 3,422 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited 27 July 2023 at 2:50PM
    This is exactly why I've tried to avoid living in non-detached housing. I'd treat very carefully here.

    If the OP fumbles their conversation, especially with a 'non-apology apology' like "sorry for the music, we had to turn it up that loud to drown out all the noise you were making", this could easily escalate into the nonsense you read on threads here or see on 'neighbour war' type programs - e.g. the neighbours next move being to buy their kids drum kits.

    If I may be completely honest, I really think your partner retaliating by blasting AC/DC on full volume was a daft thing to do if you hope to reconcile the issue. It will obviously have been noticed (that was the point) and inevitably you're now going to end up having the conversation on the back-foot with "could the kids be a little bit quieter around bedtime, my partner has to be up early for work" - "oh sorry, it's hard to keep kids quiet when your neighbours are playing rock music at full volume."

    I'd try invite them round for dinner, maybe an hour or two sew the seeds with something like "How's having kids then? My partner and I are still on the fence about them... certainly sounds like hard work! You able to get a full nights sleep yet or are you still in that stage? Sounds like they're not fans of the bedtime routine yet haha."

    We've fortunately managed to have good relationships with all of our neighbours, but I think we're fortunate, because obviously there will be some neighbours who you just can't reason with. The "nobody will tell ME how to raise my kids" > balls start hitting your garden fence everyday, their bin mysteriously finds itself in front of your car every morning sort of neighbours.
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  • bluelad1927
    bluelad1927 Posts: 407 Forumite
    Third Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    I'm a bit surprised that people are suggesting to go round apologetically. I'd 
     keep that for when they say 'what about your music'.

    I would just ask politely if they could be considerate about the noise being made and gauge it from there. You'll soon find out if the parents actually care or not.






  • stuhse
    stuhse Posts: 282 Forumite
    100 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Lots of good suggestions. I recommend a non confrontational face to face rather than messages where emotions are lost. Just an acknowledgement of an issue.  Neighbour disputes have to be declared when selling, a conversation doesnt represent a dispute, but mesaages are hard evidence, so avoid if possible. 2 things i can say that will give you hope. 1)If trying to sell, potential viewers will be there at times you control, and certainly not at bedtime...so you can have viewings in the day when they are at school. 2) Kids go through phases and grow up fast...i will almost gurantee whatever they are getting upto now, wont be happening in 6 months or 12 months time. 
  • Parents can develop selective hearing, being able to block out the din their offspring are making - otherwise they would go mad.  Comments above are right, you need to give them the opportunity to do something about it and you need to do it face to face, nicely, with a smile.  
  • yorkiechick
    yorkiechick Posts: 121 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Name Dropper
    Thanks everyone for your help.

    I have sent a message because face to face, I just fumble over my words and can't get all my thoughts across. OH is just as bad, I know as adults it's a bit pathetic but it is what it is. We're sort of at the straw that broke the camel's back stage and I don't want to go in guns blazing either. 

    I don't really expect anything will change but can hope things will be amicable until we can move. 
  • Exodi
    Exodi Posts: 3,422 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited 27 July 2023 at 3:35PM
    I'm a bit surprised that people are suggesting to go round apologetically. I'd 
     keep that for when they say 'what about your music'.

    I would just ask politely if they could be considerate about the noise being made and gauge it from there. You'll soon find out if the parents actually care or not.
    Please don't think the suggestions of going round apologetically implies that posters think the OP is in the wrong or even needs to apologise.

    People just respond a lot more positively to "sorry for our loud music one night" (which will likely subliminally lead them to think about the loud noise caused by their kids) and possibly cause them to say "no problem, our kids can be really loud also" instead of asking 'if they could be considerate about the noise being made'.

    Sometimes we have to put our big boy pants on and apologise, even if we believe in our bones are not wrong, if we think it will solve a situation. Too many people would rather be miserable and keep some self conceived and administered notion of 'pride' than just sort something out.
    Thanks everyone for your help.

    I have sent a message because face to face,
    That really is disappointing, especially given that you have read peoples replies.

    I really think that will be a mistake, they'll be stewing over your message now.

    I guess if you plan on moving, it doesn't matter much.
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  • RedFraggle
    RedFraggle Posts: 1,344 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    As a very lovely regular poster used to say this is one for "tea and cake". I would pop round with cake and ask to discuss. A message will have broken the ice and cake will set the tone nicely 
    Officially in a clique of idiots
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