How to approach noisy neighbour

yorkiechick

I live in a semi-detached house and my neighbours are generally lovely, but their kids are a whole other level. I need to approach them, but I can't think how to put it nicely that their kids are driving us crazy with their noise!

Now, kids are noisy, that's not an issue but every evening (I think it's coinciding with their bedtimes) it's like WW3. Constant banging, thudding and shouting to the point where it sounds like they're going to come through the wall. 

We have spoken before, as when they were younger they seemed obsessed with us whenever we were in the garden. To the point where we rarely enjoy outside time for fear of being watched. Our neighbour understood this, but nothing changed.

Last night my fiancé ended up blasting AC/DC in retaliation to the banging in his frustration. I'm all for petty revenge when warranted but our neighbour doesn't even know how furious we are with them! 

I just can't put into words, in a nice way, without it coming across as parent shaming. My anxiety over the whole situation is really getting to me now, we want to move eventually but I'm scared we'll never be able to sell with them next door!

Sorry for the ramble, I needed to get this off my chest!

markin

Sound proofing seems the best way now

yorkiechick

It honestly wouldn't make that much difference, the thudding around is so bad sometimes that it vibrates through the walls and floors. 

victor2

You could just approach them nicely and say the noise at whatever time it usually is, is really disturbing you. If they can't control their kids at bedtime, they might apologise and it will continue. But if it's some sort of bedtime ritual that has got a bit out of hand, they might be able to reduce it.

You could even start by apologising for your fiancé blasting AC/DC out because their noise got to him on that particular night. Then go on to ask them if they'll try to reduce their noise.

LV_426

If they are 'lovely' that implies reasonable people. I would address this if my neighbour raised it.
However there are plenty of unreasonable types out there who will not do the right thing.
Try having a relaxed conversation with them. Don't make it confrontational, and playing loud music in retaliation isn't the best way of facilitating that.

TELLIT01

It's a difficult situation.  My sister-in-law was actually the one complained to about the noise.  To be fair her kids did sound like a herd of elephants going up the stairs.  She did manage to quieten them down a bit, but they were in an old terraced house and sound did travel easily.  Their stairs were carpetted and the kids didn't wear shoes in the house.

How long does the noise go on for?  It's obviously not reasonable to expect kids to be kept quiet at all times.

twopenny

I think an introduction to a conversation by apologising for the noise your fiance created is a good one.
Include'at the time your children were going to bed'......
With 'of course the sound travels so much at that time of night' or 'he's not used to the sound of children going to bed'

See what happens.

Doubt it would affect the sale if it's night time. Th garden, well the children could be just one off curious - or only have showings during school hours/wet days   

yorkiechick

TELLIT01 said:

How long does the noise go on for?  It's obviously not reasonable to expect kids to be kept quiet at all times.

It's starting to become a daily occurrence now and it's more than just kids playing around, it's doors and windows slamming. Last night was the worst yet (hence my partner losing it with the music) it sounded like someone was locked in a cupboard and they were trying to kick the door down. 
I've got no qualms in reporting to police/council but want to make that first step in contacting the neighbour initially. I just can't put it into words.

ThisIsWeird

It's a toughie. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that you are the wronged party, and what you are asking for is perfectly reasonable.

It's a double-toughie as the noise is made by the kids, so even if the LA were able to assist, they'd have to be able to make the parents control their kids better - what are the chances...

Folk often don't act when they are perfectly entitled to, as they fear escalating a situation. But I think the most likely outcome, in this case, will either be that that'll they'll apologise and do the best they can to reduce the chaos (unlikely they'll fully succeed), or they'll mumble an 'apology' and nothing will change. It's far less likely that it'll escalate the problem. If it does, you always have ACDC.

They are most likely to be as you say - a generally nice couple, but who are struggling with the basics in controlling their kids. So if it doesn't improve, the chances are it's because they simply cannot handle their behaviour. Their children's' previous behaviour towards you sounds as tho' they haven't been taught the basics of manners and consideration towards others :-( On that note, please also remind yourself that it isn't the kids' fault.

I think Victor and 2'penny's idea is a good one - but check OH is happy to be stitched up - as it'll add a bit of apology and humility from your side to start with, and that will more likely make them want to reciprocate. But, also don't fudge the issue - try and be as matter of fact as you can about how it's affecting your life. Be honest. 

If it works, then big smiles whenever you see them, and 'thank yous' for sorting it. If it's a partial success, then ditto but for the 'improvement'.

And OH should also approach them to make an apology too - he can wait until an improvement is forthcoming.

Other than that, it shouldn't affect a sale as viewings shouldn't coincide. And there's also a fair chance the kids will grow out of it, to some degree at least.

yorkiechick

Thank you everyone 

So far I have;
Sorry if our music was a bit loud yesterday, "A" got a bit carried away but it was mostly to cover up the noise coming through our living room wall. I hope everything is ok? We have noticed an increase in noise lately and it is starting to disturb us. Sometimes the thuds are so loud they make our walls and floor vibrate"

Just not sure how to end it

MeteredOut

yorkiechick said:

Thank you everyone 

So far I have;
Sorry if our music was a bit loud yesterday, "A" got a bit carried away but it was mostly to cover up the noise coming through our living room wall. I hope everything is ok? We have noticed an increase in noise lately and it is starting to disturb us. Sometimes the thuds are so loud they make our walls and floor vibrate"

Just not sure how to end it

Are you planning on speaking to them, or messaging them (the above sounds like a message). I'd strongly suggest speaking to them face-to-face as no-matter how carefully you word a written message, it can be read with different emphasis and taken the wrong way.

You could consider starting/ending with an apology "look, I really hate to bring this up", "sorry to bring this up, but", or if you/your partner agree, you could play good cop/bad cop, with the good cop speaking to them and blame it on the other ("my partner mentioned to me that the noise is really affecting him...")