Constantly feel like I can’t do anything right

So I am the middle child in my family and has always felt the need to be more independent than both my sisters but I feel as though this has lead to me being the black sheep in my family and I can’t do anything right. And these  are the two most recent examples.

Firstly it is my dads birthday in a few weeks and my mum asked if I could book them a hotel using my email address  so it is a surprise for my dad (they have a shared email account) so I said yes no problem. My mum comes round and shows me which hotel she wants so I put all the information in for her and then the webpage says about needing the credit card that they will be using to pay for the room once they are at the hotel. I ask my mum for her credit card and says she hasn’t got it so I say I can’t finish the booking without it. At which point my mum says I never do anything to help her and storms off.I was pretty shocked by this as I couldn’t book it using my credit card as that would mean I then wouldn’t have my card for a week whilst they’re away. I rang my mum a few hours later after I’d calmed down and she said “it’s sorted now as your sister wanted to help me instead” I know when to choose my battles so I just left it at that.

And another example from a few weeks ago was my mum asked me to take her to the car garage to pick her car up and I again said yes no problem. So I picked my mum up, spoke to her for about 2 minutes and then the rest of the way which was a 30 minute journey she rang my sister and spoke to her on the phone whilst I was just sat there. Now I could have let this slide if this was a one off but it isn’t, there are a lot of times I will drive my mum somewhere and every time I do she rings either of my sisters and talks to them whilst I am driving her which I find incredibly rude. There have been numerous times over the years though when I have rung my mum and she’s said “I’m with your sister I will ring you back later”but when it’s the other way around she never says that to my sisters when she’s with me.

What should I do?


  • elsien
    elsien Forumite Posts: 31,096
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    Was  there not any advice in your other thread about your mother which applies to this situation? One minute you’re complaining that she’s being overbearing and the next that she’s ignoring you.
    I’m tending more to the rise above it point of view at this point. Out of interest, how old are you?
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Flugelhorn
    Flugelhorn Forumite Posts: 4,921
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    you seem to need your mother's approval and attention. often better to learn to cope without it when you are an adult - don't be at her beck and call, don't be bothered if she goes odd in a strop and makes comments about being more helpful. I had a controlling relative like that- far better to create some distance 
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Forumite Posts: 45,428
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    If you can't do anything right, I'd stop letting it bother you as far as you can. Family dynamics ebb and flow. 

    The other thing is, are you the only boy? That affects dynamics too - although in my experience any boys seem to be the 'golden child' who can do no wrong. "I'd ask your brother to come over and do that, but he's so busy" was a regular refrain from my mother. At which I'd often get up and do whatever it was she'd been thinking of asking my brother to come over and do (eg change a lightbulb). 
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Abbafan1972
    Abbafan1972 Forumite Posts: 6,713
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    I found it hard to read your post to be honest. 
    Striving to clear the mortgage before it finishes in Dec 2028 - amount currently owed - £50,280.07
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Forumite Posts: 10,223
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    You can’t change how other people behave, you can only change how you react to it.
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  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Forumite Posts: 34,006
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    It sounds like a continuation of this thread:
    My mum is trying to control my life - Page 4 — MoneySavingExpert Forum

    This advice applies:
    You can’t change how other people behave, you can only change how you react to it.
    From your other threads it sounds like people take advantage of you. 
    Stop allowing this to happen.
    Until you do, things won't change.

  • london21
    london21 Forumite Posts: 1,963
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    You can only be the best version of yourself and cannot control what people do but how you react.

    We are not all the same and are not all equal.

    Communicate with your mom.

    Work on building your confidence and self-esteem.

    Do not compare yourself to others, be happy and content with your own life.  

  • Mands
    Mands Forumite Posts: 729
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    MikeL93 said:

    What should I do?
    You don't really want solutions, you want validation.

    You are not looking for ways to solve this. What you want us to tell people here how you are being treated and have them sympathise. 

    This is your third thread like this. The words, the participants, the circumstances change but the story remains the same. People treat you badly, you let them, you turn to random strangers on the internet to tell you its not your fault.

    This problem you have is FIXABLE if you put the work in. But the change needs to come from you.
  • retiringtoosoon
    retiringtoosoon Forumite Posts: 315
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    Sounds like your mum prefers her daughters to her son. Accept it and move on tbh
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