Ex Wife Causing Problems with Marital Home

SteveVy

Hi Folks,

Hoping you can help. In October 2022 my ex wife forced me out of our jointly owned house, she took my house keys and car keys away from me and wouldn't let me back in. The house was pruchased in 2019 and has a joint mortgage.

The only option I had at the time was to live with my parents. 

After 3 months of trying to work things out (through counselling) I decided to divorce her. The counsellor agreed that we wouldn't be able to work things out because she is too controlling. It took her 14 weeks to give me back my passport, and car keys (despite me owning the car).

I finally got her to agree to sell the house in May. The house sold within 2 days, she is now holding up the sale by refusing to leave the house. The new owners are desperate to move in and she is refusing to leave until September. 

She is a narcissistic and I have suffered years of abuse from her, I want to have a new life and a clean break away from her but she is making it impossible! She is refusing to answer any of questions regarding furniture and finances.

We both have an interim agreement to contribute a £1,000 a month to bills but I don't see why I should have to keep continue paying for her to live a "life of luxury". I am getting no benefit from the property and she is still not letting me back in. I managed to get my keys and I took some belongings and her solicitor sent me a letter saying they are looking to serve me a molestation order / restraining order as I am "ruining her peace" despite me not having seen her since Dec 2022.

She is also claiming everything in the house is hers despite me having reciepts and bank statements showing I purchased nearly everything.

We both have solicitors and so far I've spent over £10,000 on legal fees just trying to get answers out of her. I've been working with my solicitor but as you are probably aware trying to do things 'legally' takes a lot of time and money and little progress is made.

Her new excuse is she has exams to take for work so can't leave the house...her family live 40 minutes away and have a 4 bedroom property that has 3 spare rooms, so there is ample room for her. Her brother lives 45 minutes away and has 2 spare bedrooms so she is just making excuses.

How can I get away from this woman as quickly as possible and live my life again!?

Brie

If the house has been sold isn't it the purchaser's problem now, not yours?  Not much you can do about possessions I suspect as she's obviously not being reasonable.

tightauldgit

Might need a bit more detail on her 'refusing to leave' - has she signed the paperwork for the sale of the house, is there a completion day agreed or is she refusing to agree to one? 

To be honest unless there is a court order otherwise she can more or less do what she wants and play silly buggers like that. Perhaps you should suggest to her that if she doesn't move out you will move back in? You have a right to occupy the house you own.  

Pat38493

tightauldgit said:

Might need a bit more detail on her 'refusing to leave' - has she signed the paperwork for the sale of the house, is there a completion day agreed or is she refusing to agree to one? 

To be honest unless there is a court order otherwise she can more or less do what she wants and play silly buggers like that. Perhaps you should suggest to her that if she doesn't move out you will move back in? You have a right to occupy the house you own.  

This is correct -my step son had a not too dissimilar situation recently, and the police told him that if he is the joint owner or lease holder of the house, he has a legal right to go into the house whenever he likes, and to live there if he wants.  Your ex partner stating that you are not allowed into the house, does not change your legal right.  Unless she has some kind of court order against you preventing it, you are perfectly within your rights to turn up with a locksmith and force you way in as you are the owner of the house.  At least this is what the police told me step son.

SteveVy

Thanks for the replies, I have thought about moving in many times but its likely she will harm herself, or accuse me of doing something violent to her, hence why I've had to stay away.

The house is almost completed and the estate agent and solicitors are asking us for dates. I know the new owners want the house asap but she is refusing to leave until September. She has not signed any paperwork yet and is threatening me that she won't sign anything unless I do as she says...

Caz3121

are the buyers going to pull out if they cannot get entry till September?

gizmo111

SteveVy said:

Hi Folks,

Hoping you can help. In October 2022 my ex wife forced me out of our jointly owned house, she took my house keys and car keys away from me and wouldn't let me back in. The house was pruchased in 2019 and has a joint mortgage.

The only option I had at the time was to live with my parents. 

After 3 months of trying to work things out (through counselling) I decided to divorce her. The counsellor agreed that we wouldn't be able to work things out because she is too controlling. It took her 14 weeks to give me back my passport, and car keys (despite me owning the car).

I finally got her to agree to sell the house in May. The house sold within 2 days, she is now holding up the sale by refusing to leave the house. The new owners are desperate to move in and she is refusing to leave until September. 

She is a narcissistic and I have suffered years of abuse from her, I want to have a new life and a clean break away from her but she is making it impossible! She is refusing to answer any of questions regarding furniture and finances.

We both have an interim agreement to contribute a £1,000 a month to bills but I don't see why I should have to keep continue paying for her to live a "life of luxury". I am getting no benefit from the property and she is still not letting me back in. I managed to get my keys and I took some belongings and her solicitor sent me a letter saying they are looking to serve me a molestation order / restraining order as I am "ruining her peace" despite me not having seen her since Dec 2022.

She is also claiming everything in the house is hers despite me having reciepts and bank statements showing I purchased nearly everything.

We both have solicitors and so far I've spent over £10,000 on legal fees just trying to get answers out of her. I've been working with my solicitor but as you are probably aware trying to do things 'legally' takes a lot of time and money and little progress is made.

Her new excuse is she has exams to take for work so can't leave the house...her family live 40 minutes away and have a 4 bedroom property that has 3 spare rooms, so there is ample room for her. Her brother lives 45 minutes away and has 2 spare bedrooms so she is just making excuses.

How can I get away from this woman as quickly as possible and live my life again!?

what does the £1000 each a month cover?  who is it paid to?

silvercar

You will need to go to court to force her to move out, or offer her a payment for doing so. I wonder if she has registered matrimonial rights on the deeds as a non owning ex wife?

tightauldgit

SteveVy said:

Thanks for the replies, I have thought about moving in many times but its likely she will harm herself, or accuse me of doing something violent to her, hence why I've had to stay away.

The house is almost completed and the estate agent and solicitors are asking us for dates. I know the new owners want the house asap but she is refusing to leave until September. She has not signed any paperwork yet and is threatening me that she won't sign anything unless I do as she says...

Tell her if she doesn't sign the paperwork and agree to move out in a reasonable timescale then this months £1000 will be the last £1000 she receives. You have no obligation to pay anything unless there's a court order. 

TBagpuss

You are not going to be able to resolve this without a court order, by the sound of it. 

Talk to your solicitor about how quickly you can get into court. We are already in mid July, realistically agreeing a firm date in September and getting an agreed court order in place which includes that date, and makes clear that she will be solely liable for any costs related to any delay is likely to be the way to go.

SO far as home contents are concerned, courts won't generally get involved in this kind of detail, not least because the costs of doing so outweigh the value of the items. You best bet would be to include in any specific proposal list of items you want and make the offer on the basis you get the items on the list and sh gets the rest.

If the buyers are threatening to pull out, you can make the offer on the basis that if they pull you you will be seeking to have any losses (extra mortgage interest, having to accept a lower offer from the nest buyer etc) payable from her share of the proceeds as they losses while be directly caused by her delay.

If you have already got an order in place you need to talk to your solicitor about whether you have grounds to apply back to court to enforce the order based on her delay, and then follow their vice. 

tightauldgit

TBagpuss said:

You are not going to be able to resolve this without a court order, by the sound of it. 

Talk to your solicitor about how quickly you can get into court. We are already in mid July, realistically agreeing a firm date in September and getting an agreed court order in place which includes that date, and makes clear that she will be solely liable for any costs related to any delay is likely to be the way to go.

SO far as home contents are concerned, courts won't generally get involved in this kind of detail, not least because the costs of doing so outweigh the value of the items. You best bet would be to include in any specific proposal list of items you want and make the offer on the basis you get the items on the list and sh gets the rest.

If the buyers are threatening to pull out, you can make the offer on the basis that if they pull you you will be seeking to have any losses (extra mortgage interest, having to accept a lower offer from the nest buyer etc) payable from her share of the proceeds as they losses while be directly caused by her delay.

If you have already got an order in place you need to talk to your solicitor about whether you have grounds to apply back to court to enforce the order based on her delay, and then follow their vice. 

I guess potentially a TOLATA case has more hope of this as I had no success in trying to claim any of this in family court? I think in a family case they (probably rightly) tend to just sideline these kind of things and focus on getting a broad terms agreement?