Ex Wife Causing Problems with Marital Home

TBagpuss

tightauldgit said:

TBagpuss said:

You are not going to be able to resolve this without a court order, by the sound of it. 

Talk to your solicitor about how quickly you can get into court. We are already in mid July, realistically agreeing a firm date in September and getting an agreed court order in place which includes that date, and makes clear that she will be solely liable for any costs related to any delay is likely to be the way to go.

SO far as home contents are concerned, courts won't generally get involved in this kind of detail, not least because the costs of doing so outweigh the value of the items. You best bet would be to include in any specific proposal list of items you want and make the offer on the basis you get the items on the list and sh gets the rest.

If the buyers are threatening to pull out, you can make the offer on the basis that if they pull you you will be seeking to have any losses (extra mortgage interest, having to accept a lower offer from the nest buyer etc) payable from her share of the proceeds as they losses while be directly caused by her delay.

If you have already got an order in place you need to talk to your solicitor about whether you have grounds to apply back to court to enforce the order based on her delay, and then follow their vice. 

I guess potentially a TOLATA case has more hope of this as I had no success in trying to claim any of this in family court? I think in a family case they (probably rightly) tend to just sideline these kind of things and focus on getting a broad terms agreement?

Yes, it may well be more of a negotiating tactic than something you would succeed on in court, although if you can show that there was a proceedable offer and that you and the other party had already reached an agreement you might be in a stronger position. It's not clear whet stage OP has reached. In divorce finance cases behaviour / conduct has to be 'so serious it would be unjust for a court to ignore' before it gets (officially) taken into account, so the bar is fairly high , but if you an show that the behaviour had a direct and significant (in the context of the total available assets) financial impact and that it was inherently unreasonable a court might accept that it was reasonable to take into account. Of the reason for the delay was reasonable - e.g. a linked purchase or hard date for a lease to start it would be very unlikely to meet the bar.  

Voyager2002

SteveVy said:

Thanks for the replies, I have thought about moving in many times but its likely she will harm herself, or accuse me of doing something violent to her, hence why I've had to stay away.

The house is almost completed and the estate agent and solicitors are asking us for dates. I know the new owners want the house asap but she is refusing to leave until September. She has not signed any paperwork yet and is threatening me that she won't sign anything unless I do as she says...

If you refuse to do things because she threatens self-harm then she will have everything her way. I suggest that you ignore this completely.

The risk of false accusations is more serious: talk to your solicitor about how to protect yourself against this.

The fact remains, she will stay in the house so long as you allow her to do so. Moving back in yourself and making her feel uncomfortable is the most effective way to obtain vacant possession and so allow the sale to proceed.

SteveVy

Hi Folks,

Many thanks for the update and sorry for the delay in replying. The £1,000 a month I am paying is to cover the joint mortgage and bills I continue to pay although I have not lived in the property since Ocotobe 2022.

Things have gotten worse, the new buyers have come back and have pleaded with her to let them move in by August 18th as they are desperate for somewhere to live (I saw this all on our Ring Door Bell Camera as we no longer speak)...she has told them verbally 'it's not an issue'. She has told the estate agents she will be out of the house by the 18th August 2023 as this is the completion date!

However, she has told my solicitors and the conveyancing solicitors today she is not leaving the house until I agree to the following:

1) I agree to give her all the contents in the house including my personal possesions for free (I paid for more than 90% of items in the house from my personal credit card and have invoices and proof of this)

2) I agree to give almost all the money from the sale of proceeds

My solicitor has written back and has told her the sale of proceeds can be held in a joint account until an agreement is reached. 

We are still waiting for her to submit FORM E, mine has been ready for several weeks now. 

As someone wrote here my solicotor has advised her 'we will be seeking to have any losses (extra mortgage interest, having to accept a lower offer from the nest buyer etc) payable from her share of the proceeds as they losses while be directly caused by her delay."

However this really does not seem to bother her at all, she believes she is entitled to everything I have and wants to 'punish me' for divorcing her. For clarification I did not cheat on her, I left her because she was abusing me emotionally and I ended up having a mental breakdown after being trapped for 7 years.

I think the next steps would be to seek a court-order but I guess this will take a while to obtain.... and if the house sale falls through its unlikely the house will be sold quickly....this is really affecting my mental health signficantly as I just want her out of my life so I can move on, being financially stuck to her is a pain! I have plans for the future and want to move on with my life but I feel like I am constantly being held back by her! I need the money from the sales of proceed to re-house as I can't live with my parents for much longer.

I also advised her I will stop paying the mortgage, and again she said she will do the same, so she really isn't bothered....(I used this as an empty threat as I know not paying the mortgage will affect my credit score).

I feel very bad for the buyers who are currently preparing to move into their new house! No one deserves to be messed around like this.

tightauldgit

Honestly, I don't think she's moving out in August. She knows she has leverage while she occupies the house and she knows you can't force anything without a court order. At which point the most likely outcome is that she would get her fair share of the proceeds anyway.

My ex forced a sale to fall through by simply refusing to sign off on it, she wasn't even living in the house she just wanted to be awkward. As much as your solicitor may say you will be seeking A B and C from her, the likelihood is (or at the very least the possibility is) that she won't lose a single penny by being awkward. 

So the first question is whether she's also just making empty threats and will actually cave and move in August. I think it's unlikely as she's benefitting for having the house while only paying half the mortgage. 

In your situation I'd be tempted to hardball her - tell her that you expect confirmation that she will vacate the premises on Aug 18 and if she doesn't you are no longer able financially to continue to support a house that you are not living in while also having to provide your own housing etc and so should the sale fall through you will move back into the property on Aug 19. 

AMILLIONDOLLARS

I would remind her that if the sale falls you will default on the Mortgage, as you will no longer be able to sustain the current payments, HER credit rating will suffer for the next 6 years, will it be worth it trying to get back at you?  She would find herself not able to get any form of credit, not even for a mobile phone upgrade!  This might concentrate her mind.

Also this may have escaped her notice, but I would point out to her that she is trashing her reputation, Solicitors, Buyers and Estate Agents have seen her true colours and you have been vindicated as the innocent party by her subsequent actions. If she really cares what people think about her, hopefully she will see sense and let go.  Lastly, she has made a promise to the buyers, let's see if she willing to make them suffer too.  

SteveVy

Thanks all for the replies, sorry for the delay in replying I have been feeling very suicidal recently...

The house did finally sell, she lied so many times to the solicitors and estate agents saying she had sent the papers. The new buyers were fuming! In the end we did the Exchange on Wednesday, and the Completion was done on Friday. 

 During this time, she took everything I owned out of the house...we had agreed we would both be present during the removal however she changed her mind and without my consent stripped the entire house leaving bare wires where the lights once were. She even took the light bulbs, door mats, tv brackets and light switches...I had a letter from her divorce solicitor advising 'she took the liberty to clear the house'. I made the conveyancing solicitors aware who just replied 'you’re both liable doesn't matter who did it, the new buyer can sue you both for breach of contract.'  Luckily the new buyers were very understanding of my position and they had also met her previously and she shouted at them...so they knew it was her who casued everything.

I've had no information on where my items are, I spoke to the police who said its a civil case contact your solicitor. My solicitor was useless and said 'get over yourself you've only lost £100/£200 worth of items, when I explained it was over £10,000 worth of my personal possessions she just laughed and said you need to focus on getting the divorce done' so I sacked my solicitor!

if your wondering why I didn't get my items before the move...I went numerous times to the house even with the police present and my ex wife physically stopped me from taking anything. The police just kept saying we can't help you its a civil matter! My Solicitor didn't do anything to help!

I am now at a point where I have to accept I have lost all my items that I worked so hard for....what makes matters worse is I have not even received £1 from the house sale. My ex wife feels she should get 100% of the sale money and therefore has decided her solicitors must hold the money until we can reach an agreement.

I am at a total loss how someone can ruin my life like this and I can't fight back in anyway...I have been stuck living with my parents since October and without any money. I need my 50% of the house sale to get another property as I am now effectively homeless. I've looked at renting but can't seem to find any short-term rentals that are suitable.

My parents have kindly agreed to loan me up to £90K to buy a house until I get my share of the money but various solicitors have told me under no circumstances am I allowed to buy another house as my ex-wife might try to claim for this if it goes to court, so therefore I am stuck with no way out....no idea if this will take weeks / months / even years to resolve yet I am just meant to be sit here patiently like a good boy and do what I am told by her and her solicitor! I have no idea if she owns another house, I assume she does but again I cant proove this...

Any ideas what I can do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brie

Don't know why an ex wife would have any claim on any new property you buy.  Unless she's not actually your ex yet.

SteveVy

Solicitor said until we are 'legally' fully divorced she can claim anything new you purchase..

tightauldgit

Brie said:

Don't know why an ex wife would have any claim on any new property you buy.  Unless she's not actually your ex yet.

Until there is a financial settlement she is presumed to have a claim on 50% of any assets - if you receive a £90k gift from your parents to buy a house then that's a £90k asset that you would have to declare to the court and potentially hand over half of. Of course you can argue otherwise but nobody knows what will happen in court and if an asset exists then of course the other partner is going to want some of it. 

As for the OP - the resolution to this matter is to get your court order for a clean break settlement. Is that process moving forward? 

It's standard practice for solicitors to keep house proceeds until a split is agreed in a case like this. You could ask for partial release if you can agree an amount. 

For your belongings you can certainly raise it with her solicitors and to the court but I think your solicitors attitude probably represents the attitude of the court too - there's not too much point arguing over house contents and personal possessions. 

sheramber

It might be worth while contacting  https://mensadviceline.org.uk/