talking about money

Steel_2

You need to find out his money situation before you have another talk. He accuses you of being stingy because he's trying to deflect attention away from the fact that that is exactly what he is being. You then keep on paying all this money out because consciously or subconciously you want to show him you're not stingy.

I've gone back and read some of your previous posts where you talk about your relationship and you are only just coming up to your first year's anniversary, is that right? That he lives (or owns a property) on the Isle of Wight with two children from a former marriage? Did he have a place of his own and was looking after himself before you met? Or was there someone else in between his wife and you?

Also do you know how he dealt with money with his former wife? You might find the reason why he calls you stingy could be because either a) he is. Full stop. b) his previous partner said he was although he wasn't and that riled him so he's dishing it out to you c) he's paying a lot of money in maintenance support (and unnecessary 'guilt' gifts) for his kids and he has no money.

You could try this. Look very sad and simply say "I can't afford to support the both of us anymore." Then sit back, say nothing and see what he says. Don't wind up for a big convo about it. Don't say "we have to talk". The minute men get a whiff of a serious convo their hearing switching off and they go into defensive mode. If he goes down the stingy route again repeat yourself: "I can't afford to support the both of us anymore." If he loves and cares about you, he will come up with a solution. It could be as simple as that - that he wants to come up with a solution. Sounds daft but I've know men dig their heels in about something purely for that reason.

I hate to think your BF is using your place to crash during the week so he doesn't have a long commute. I've been in this situation and it took me two years of misery to realise it. If he persistently refuses to help out financially even if you tell him "I can't afford to support the both of us anymore," he is allowing you to struggle in financial hardship without helping and I hate to say it, this is not a man you will have a happy marriage with.

I've been through all this and I'm glad I went through it because it made me realise what I wanted from a man and what I wasn't willing to put up with. I actually wrote it all down. In black and white I couldn't deny that my then BF had a lot of qualities on the 'Don't Want' side and not many on the 'Do Want' side. A few months after leaving that relationship I met hubby who was the complete opposite.

Money is a real deal breaker in marriage - you have to assess this guy quite carefully to see what his past history is with finances before you commit to marrying him. Otherwise you may end up paying for it over and over again.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.