Financial settlement for divorce Help

ali137

tightauldgit said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

Make sure the the financial order is sorted before the divorce is done.

Dont do it without a solicitor pay them the minimum they will accept each month and the balance out of your share of the settlement. 

Personally I would refuse to consider the mesher order it ties you to her for a long time financially and will stop you getting a mortgage.

With one child being 17 it might help you if the financial settlement drags on a bit there will be 2 dependents not 3.

Forget about the 70k and concentrate on getting as close to 50% of total assets. 

Don’t run up massive legal bills fighting over trivial amounts.

Your in a strong position being in the house where the equity is from a divorce point of view your ex has a house to live in and the judge won’t be bothered about her benefits being reduced due to the divorce settlement.

The judge will give a settlement that they see is fair that doesn't mean you or your ex will see it as fair.

Thank you for the reply.  

She has already blocked me getting the final order divorce paper by her solicitor putting a stay (block) on the divorce until financial settlement is done. Her solicitor recommended  both of us do mediation which we done and did not agree because she has been made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum. Guess what now, checked again yesterday,  no movement from my Ex, nothing, her solicitor has not applied with Form A to court. 

yes, that's why I do not accept Mesher order, i want clean break and move on. 

I called several solicitors and they said you cant pay out of the settlement money, you have to pay each months which i cant afford. Even if i get a loan, how do i pay the loan repayments and bills, child maintence. I will have to go it alone, no choice. ( i looked at solicitors and barrister bill if it goes to 3rd hearing £10k) 

I will submit Form A next week. 

Pay a divorce solicitor even if its just to fill in your forms, check the other sides forms etc. 
Ticking the wrong box or answering a question wrong might prove expensive.

By moving out of the family home your ex has done you a massive favour, I moved out thinking my ex was buying me out at 50/50 (I had put an extra 50k in a few years earlier) she had already been to see a solicitor and had no intention of doing this, she would cause arguments then ring the police saying I was harassing her. 

A lot of her solicitors letters will suggest all sorts when in reality they are empty threats and more what they want to happen not what will actually happen. 

There is nothing stopping you making an offer via her solicitor to sell both houses and split the equity and pensions 50/50.

Remember the majority of a pension is taxable and can’t be accessed until about 57/58 so if they say she gets 90k cash because you have 90k pension thats a bad deal for you. 

Thank you. 

100% I will not agree with me just having my pension, i need to survive now, for me everything should be 50/50 split, if that does not happen then I am willing to take less, but not that i get pension and she gets cash. I asked her several months ago to be civil and split everything 50/50 but she said she wants to go through court and wants judge to decide. When she was made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she  receives lump sum, now she at a stand still and doing nothing. She was the one who instructed the solicitor and put home rights on the property, now she does not want to do anything. 

Pointless being civil with someone if they don't want to.  

It just occured to me but did you say she has moved out? Because (and this might be worth checking) if she owns a 50% share in a house that is not her primary residence then I believe it would be considered an asset by the benefits people anyway. I'm not sure if there is a grace period on that or whatever but whether she owns the asset as a building or cash really shouldn't make any difference if its not where she lives. 

I'm working off the top of my head here so don't take it as gospel but it would certainly be worth doing your homework on what the specifics are. 

Late 2021 she moved out got a temporary flat  2 bed from council (with aid of organisations she was using) she needs 3 bed so on council waiting list. I am 100% sure she does not have a share in any property. Universal credit covers her rent and council tax so technically free everything. 

Residential property is in my sole name (i know she has rights in terms if law), mortgage in my sole name. Today received letter from mortgage company, my interest only payment on mortgage is going up due to interest rate. Next month again Bank of England will raise rates so payment will go up again. Ex thinks i am rolling in money. It’s unaffordable to live in this house i am at moment, needs to be sold and split money with her. 

I need a clean break order if it goes to court, which i will have to next week. 

20 years ago I joined MSE forum, 20 years down the line never thought i will be posting on divorce section. 

tightauldgit

ali137 said:

tightauldgit said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

Make sure the the financial order is sorted before the divorce is done.

Dont do it without a solicitor pay them the minimum they will accept each month and the balance out of your share of the settlement. 

Personally I would refuse to consider the mesher order it ties you to her for a long time financially and will stop you getting a mortgage.

With one child being 17 it might help you if the financial settlement drags on a bit there will be 2 dependents not 3.

Forget about the 70k and concentrate on getting as close to 50% of total assets. 

Don’t run up massive legal bills fighting over trivial amounts.

Your in a strong position being in the house where the equity is from a divorce point of view your ex has a house to live in and the judge won’t be bothered about her benefits being reduced due to the divorce settlement.

The judge will give a settlement that they see is fair that doesn't mean you or your ex will see it as fair.

Thank you for the reply.  

She has already blocked me getting the final order divorce paper by her solicitor putting a stay (block) on the divorce until financial settlement is done. Her solicitor recommended  both of us do mediation which we done and did not agree because she has been made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum. Guess what now, checked again yesterday,  no movement from my Ex, nothing, her solicitor has not applied with Form A to court. 

yes, that's why I do not accept Mesher order, i want clean break and move on. 

I called several solicitors and they said you cant pay out of the settlement money, you have to pay each months which i cant afford. Even if i get a loan, how do i pay the loan repayments and bills, child maintence. I will have to go it alone, no choice. ( i looked at solicitors and barrister bill if it goes to 3rd hearing £10k) 

I will submit Form A next week. 

Pay a divorce solicitor even if its just to fill in your forms, check the other sides forms etc. 
Ticking the wrong box or answering a question wrong might prove expensive.

By moving out of the family home your ex has done you a massive favour, I moved out thinking my ex was buying me out at 50/50 (I had put an extra 50k in a few years earlier) she had already been to see a solicitor and had no intention of doing this, she would cause arguments then ring the police saying I was harassing her. 

A lot of her solicitors letters will suggest all sorts when in reality they are empty threats and more what they want to happen not what will actually happen. 

There is nothing stopping you making an offer via her solicitor to sell both houses and split the equity and pensions 50/50.

Remember the majority of a pension is taxable and can’t be accessed until about 57/58 so if they say she gets 90k cash because you have 90k pension thats a bad deal for you. 

Thank you. 

100% I will not agree with me just having my pension, i need to survive now, for me everything should be 50/50 split, if that does not happen then I am willing to take less, but not that i get pension and she gets cash. I asked her several months ago to be civil and split everything 50/50 but she said she wants to go through court and wants judge to decide. When she was made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she  receives lump sum, now she at a stand still and doing nothing. She was the one who instructed the solicitor and put home rights on the property, now she does not want to do anything. 

Pointless being civil with someone if they don't want to.  

It just occured to me but did you say she has moved out? Because (and this might be worth checking) if she owns a 50% share in a house that is not her primary residence then I believe it would be considered an asset by the benefits people anyway. I'm not sure if there is a grace period on that or whatever but whether she owns the asset as a building or cash really shouldn't make any difference if its not where she lives. 

I'm working off the top of my head here so don't take it as gospel but it would certainly be worth doing your homework on what the specifics are. 

Late 2021 she moved out got a temporary flat  2 bed from council (with aid of organisations she was using) she needs 3 bed so on council waiting list. I am 100% sure she does not have a share in any property. Universal credit covers her rent and council tax so technically free everything. 

Residential property is in my sole name (i know she has rights in terms if law), mortgage in my sole name. Today received letter from mortgage company, my interest only payment on mortgage is going up due to interest rate. Next month again Bank of England will raise rates so payment will go up again. Ex thinks i am rolling in money. It’s unaffordable to live in this house i am at moment, needs to be sold and split money with her. 

I need a clean break order if it goes to court, which i will have to next week. 

20 years ago I joined MSE forum, 20 years down the line never thought i will be posting on divorce section. 

She has a 50% share in the property you are living in as a marital asset. Since it's not her primary residence I can't see how that wouldn't be considered an asset by the benefits folk regardless of whether she cashes it in or not. 

ali137

tightauldgit said:

ali137 said:

tightauldgit said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

Make sure the the financial order is sorted before the divorce is done.

Dont do it without a solicitor pay them the minimum they will accept each month and the balance out of your share of the settlement. 

Personally I would refuse to consider the mesher order it ties you to her for a long time financially and will stop you getting a mortgage.

With one child being 17 it might help you if the financial settlement drags on a bit there will be 2 dependents not 3.

Forget about the 70k and concentrate on getting as close to 50% of total assets. 

Don’t run up massive legal bills fighting over trivial amounts.

Your in a strong position being in the house where the equity is from a divorce point of view your ex has a house to live in and the judge won’t be bothered about her benefits being reduced due to the divorce settlement.

The judge will give a settlement that they see is fair that doesn't mean you or your ex will see it as fair.

Thank you for the reply.  

She has already blocked me getting the final order divorce paper by her solicitor putting a stay (block) on the divorce until financial settlement is done. Her solicitor recommended  both of us do mediation which we done and did not agree because she has been made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum. Guess what now, checked again yesterday,  no movement from my Ex, nothing, her solicitor has not applied with Form A to court. 

yes, that's why I do not accept Mesher order, i want clean break and move on. 

I called several solicitors and they said you cant pay out of the settlement money, you have to pay each months which i cant afford. Even if i get a loan, how do i pay the loan repayments and bills, child maintence. I will have to go it alone, no choice. ( i looked at solicitors and barrister bill if it goes to 3rd hearing £10k) 

I will submit Form A next week. 

Pay a divorce solicitor even if its just to fill in your forms, check the other sides forms etc. 
Ticking the wrong box or answering a question wrong might prove expensive.

By moving out of the family home your ex has done you a massive favour, I moved out thinking my ex was buying me out at 50/50 (I had put an extra 50k in a few years earlier) she had already been to see a solicitor and had no intention of doing this, she would cause arguments then ring the police saying I was harassing her. 

A lot of her solicitors letters will suggest all sorts when in reality they are empty threats and more what they want to happen not what will actually happen. 

There is nothing stopping you making an offer via her solicitor to sell both houses and split the equity and pensions 50/50.

Remember the majority of a pension is taxable and can’t be accessed until about 57/58 so if they say she gets 90k cash because you have 90k pension thats a bad deal for you. 

Thank you. 

100% I will not agree with me just having my pension, i need to survive now, for me everything should be 50/50 split, if that does not happen then I am willing to take less, but not that i get pension and she gets cash. I asked her several months ago to be civil and split everything 50/50 but she said she wants to go through court and wants judge to decide. When she was made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she  receives lump sum, now she at a stand still and doing nothing. She was the one who instructed the solicitor and put home rights on the property, now she does not want to do anything. 

Pointless being civil with someone if they don't want to.  

It just occured to me but did you say she has moved out? Because (and this might be worth checking) if she owns a 50% share in a house that is not her primary residence then I believe it would be considered an asset by the benefits people anyway. I'm not sure if there is a grace period on that or whatever but whether she owns the asset as a building or cash really shouldn't make any difference if its not where she lives. 

I'm working off the top of my head here so don't take it as gospel but it would certainly be worth doing your homework on what the specifics are. 

Late 2021 she moved out got a temporary flat  2 bed from council (with aid of organisations she was using) she needs 3 bed so on council waiting list. I am 100% sure she does not have a share in any property. Universal credit covers her rent and council tax so technically free everything. 

Residential property is in my sole name (i know she has rights in terms if law), mortgage in my sole name. Today received letter from mortgage company, my interest only payment on mortgage is going up due to interest rate. Next month again Bank of England will raise rates so payment will go up again. Ex thinks i am rolling in money. It’s unaffordable to live in this house i am at moment, needs to be sold and split money with her. 

I need a clean break order if it goes to court, which i will have to next week. 

20 years ago I joined MSE forum, 20 years down the line never thought i will be posting on divorce section. 

She has a 50% share in the property you are living in as a marital asset. Since it's not her primary residence I can't see how that wouldn't be considered an asset by the benefits folk regardless of whether she cashes it in or not. 

Now I understand what you just said, thanks 

RAS

Have you been using the wikivorce website? Decent amount of self-help for those in your situation and specialist help  you can tap into on an adhoc basis.

MattMattMattUK

If I were in your position I would put both properties on the market with the intension of selling, unless the interim order specifically prohibits that. Then you can split the £250k once the final order is made. You mentioned that one of your children is 17, once they become 18 that will change the housing requirements in the financial split. You need to drop the idea of £70k for the refurbishment work, it came from matrimonial assets and you were still married so it is irrelevant.

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

Make sure the the financial order is sorted before the divorce is done.

Dont do it without a solicitor pay them the minimum they will accept each month and the balance out of your share of the settlement. 

Personally I would refuse to consider the mesher order it ties you to her for a long time financially and will stop you getting a mortgage.

With one child being 17 it might help you if the financial settlement drags on a bit there will be 2 dependents not 3.

Forget about the 70k and concentrate on getting as close to 50% of total assets. 

Don’t run up massive legal bills fighting over trivial amounts.

Your in a strong position being in the house where the equity is from a divorce point of view your ex has a house to live in and the judge won’t be bothered about her benefits being reduced due to the divorce settlement.

The judge will give a settlement that they see is fair that doesn't mean you or your ex will see it as fair.

Thank you for the reply.  

She has already blocked me getting the final order divorce paper by her solicitor putting a stay (block) on the divorce until financial settlement is done. Her solicitor recommended  both of us do mediation which we done and did not agree because she has been made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum. Guess what now, checked again yesterday,  no movement from my Ex, nothing, her solicitor has not applied with Form A to court. 

yes, that's why I do not accept Mesher order, i want clean break and move on. 

I called several solicitors and they said you cant pay out of the settlement money, you have to pay each months which i cant afford. Even if i get a loan, how do i pay the loan repayments and bills, child maintence. I will have to go it alone, no choice. ( i looked at solicitors and barrister bill if it goes to 3rd hearing £10k) 

I will submit Form A next week. 

Pay a divorce solicitor even if its just to fill in your forms, check the other sides forms etc. 
Ticking the wrong box or answering a question wrong might prove expensive.

By moving out of the family home your ex has done you a massive favour, I moved out thinking my ex was buying me out at 50/50 (I had put an extra 50k in a few years earlier) she had already been to see a solicitor and had no intention of doing this, she would cause arguments then ring the police saying I was harassing her. 

A lot of her solicitors letters will suggest all sorts when in reality they are empty threats and more what they want to happen not what will actually happen. 

There is nothing stopping you making an offer via her solicitor to sell both houses and split the equity and pensions 50/50.

Remember the majority of a pension is taxable and can’t be accessed until about 57/58 so if they say she gets 90k cash because you have 90k pension thats a bad deal for you. 

Thank you. 

100% I will not agree with me just having my pension, i need to survive now, for me everything should be 50/50 split, if that does not happen then I am willing to take less, but not that i get pension and she gets cash. I asked her several months ago to be civil and split everything 50/50 but she said she wants to go through court and wants judge to decide. When she was made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she  receives lump sum, now she at a stand still and doing nothing. She was the one who instructed the solicitor and put home rights on the property, now she does not want to do anything. 

Pointless being civil with someone if they don't want to.  

You will not get anything close to 50/50 because she is the primary carer of the children and they live with her, 60/40 is probably the best case scenario and the likelihood is 70/30 or 80/20.

tightauldgit

MattMattMattUK said:

If I were in your position I would put both properties on the market with the intension of selling, unless the interim order specifically prohibits that. Then you can split the £250k once the final order is made. You mentioned that one of your children is 17, once they become 18 that will change the housing requirements in the financial split. You need to drop the idea of £70k for the refurbishment work, it came from matrimonial assets and you were still married so it is irrelevant.

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

Make sure the the financial order is sorted before the divorce is done.

Dont do it without a solicitor pay them the minimum they will accept each month and the balance out of your share of the settlement. 

Personally I would refuse to consider the mesher order it ties you to her for a long time financially and will stop you getting a mortgage.

With one child being 17 it might help you if the financial settlement drags on a bit there will be 2 dependents not 3.

Forget about the 70k and concentrate on getting as close to 50% of total assets. 

Don’t run up massive legal bills fighting over trivial amounts.

Your in a strong position being in the house where the equity is from a divorce point of view your ex has a house to live in and the judge won’t be bothered about her benefits being reduced due to the divorce settlement.

The judge will give a settlement that they see is fair that doesn't mean you or your ex will see it as fair.

Thank you for the reply.  

She has already blocked me getting the final order divorce paper by her solicitor putting a stay (block) on the divorce until financial settlement is done. Her solicitor recommended  both of us do mediation which we done and did not agree because she has been made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum. Guess what now, checked again yesterday,  no movement from my Ex, nothing, her solicitor has not applied with Form A to court. 

yes, that's why I do not accept Mesher order, i want clean break and move on. 

I called several solicitors and they said you cant pay out of the settlement money, you have to pay each months which i cant afford. Even if i get a loan, how do i pay the loan repayments and bills, child maintence. I will have to go it alone, no choice. ( i looked at solicitors and barrister bill if it goes to 3rd hearing £10k) 

I will submit Form A next week. 

Pay a divorce solicitor even if its just to fill in your forms, check the other sides forms etc. 
Ticking the wrong box or answering a question wrong might prove expensive.

By moving out of the family home your ex has done you a massive favour, I moved out thinking my ex was buying me out at 50/50 (I had put an extra 50k in a few years earlier) she had already been to see a solicitor and had no intention of doing this, she would cause arguments then ring the police saying I was harassing her. 

A lot of her solicitors letters will suggest all sorts when in reality they are empty threats and more what they want to happen not what will actually happen. 

There is nothing stopping you making an offer via her solicitor to sell both houses and split the equity and pensions 50/50.

Remember the majority of a pension is taxable and can’t be accessed until about 57/58 so if they say she gets 90k cash because you have 90k pension thats a bad deal for you. 

Thank you. 

100% I will not agree with me just having my pension, i need to survive now, for me everything should be 50/50 split, if that does not happen then I am willing to take less, but not that i get pension and she gets cash. I asked her several months ago to be civil and split everything 50/50 but she said she wants to go through court and wants judge to decide. When she was made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she  receives lump sum, now she at a stand still and doing nothing. She was the one who instructed the solicitor and put home rights on the property, now she does not want to do anything. 

Pointless being civil with someone if they don't want to.  

You will not get anything close to 50/50 because she is the primary carer of the children and they live with her, 60/40 is probably the best case scenario and the likelihood is 70/30 or 80/20.

What makes you think that? I don't believe that's true at all. 50/50 is the default starting position. Sure she can make a case for needing more IF 50 percent isn't going to meet her needs, but the OP also has financial needs that must be met. Simply saying that you are the kids primary carer doesn't give you any entitlement to 80/20 or anything of the sort. 

ali137

RAS said:

Have you been using the wikivorce website? Decent amount of self-help for those in your situation and specialist help  you can tap into on an adhoc basis.

Thank you, yes i have used this website. 

ali137

MattMattMattUK said:

If I were in your position I would put both properties on the market with the intension of selling, unless the interim order specifically prohibits that. Then you can split the £250k once the final order is made. You mentioned that one of your children is 17, once they become 18 that will change the housing requirements in the financial split. You need to drop the idea of £70k for the refurbishment work, it came from matrimonial assets and you were still married so it is irrelevant.

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

ali137 said:

mark5 said:

Make sure the the financial order is sorted before the divorce is done.

Dont do it without a solicitor pay them the minimum they will accept each month and the balance out of your share of the settlement. 

Personally I would refuse to consider the mesher order it ties you to her for a long time financially and will stop you getting a mortgage.

With one child being 17 it might help you if the financial settlement drags on a bit there will be 2 dependents not 3.

Forget about the 70k and concentrate on getting as close to 50% of total assets. 

Don’t run up massive legal bills fighting over trivial amounts.

Your in a strong position being in the house where the equity is from a divorce point of view your ex has a house to live in and the judge won’t be bothered about her benefits being reduced due to the divorce settlement.

The judge will give a settlement that they see is fair that doesn't mean you or your ex will see it as fair.

Thank you for the reply.  

She has already blocked me getting the final order divorce paper by her solicitor putting a stay (block) on the divorce until financial settlement is done. Her solicitor recommended  both of us do mediation which we done and did not agree because she has been made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum. Guess what now, checked again yesterday,  no movement from my Ex, nothing, her solicitor has not applied with Form A to court. 

yes, that's why I do not accept Mesher order, i want clean break and move on. 

I called several solicitors and they said you cant pay out of the settlement money, you have to pay each months which i cant afford. Even if i get a loan, how do i pay the loan repayments and bills, child maintence. I will have to go it alone, no choice. ( i looked at solicitors and barrister bill if it goes to 3rd hearing £10k) 

I will submit Form A next week. 

Pay a divorce solicitor even if its just to fill in your forms, check the other sides forms etc. 
Ticking the wrong box or answering a question wrong might prove expensive.

By moving out of the family home your ex has done you a massive favour, I moved out thinking my ex was buying me out at 50/50 (I had put an extra 50k in a few years earlier) she had already been to see a solicitor and had no intention of doing this, she would cause arguments then ring the police saying I was harassing her. 

A lot of her solicitors letters will suggest all sorts when in reality they are empty threats and more what they want to happen not what will actually happen. 

There is nothing stopping you making an offer via her solicitor to sell both houses and split the equity and pensions 50/50.

Remember the majority of a pension is taxable and can’t be accessed until about 57/58 so if they say she gets 90k cash because you have 90k pension thats a bad deal for you. 

Thank you. 

100% I will not agree with me just having my pension, i need to survive now, for me everything should be 50/50 split, if that does not happen then I am willing to take less, but not that i get pension and she gets cash. I asked her several months ago to be civil and split everything 50/50 but she said she wants to go through court and wants judge to decide. When she was made aware by mediator she will loose benefits if she  receives lump sum, now she at a stand still and doing nothing. She was the one who instructed the solicitor and put home rights on the property, now she does not want to do anything. 

Pointless being civil with someone if they don't want to.  

You will not get anything close to 50/50 because she is the primary carer of the children and they live with her, 60/40 is probably the best case scenario and the likelihood is 70/30 or 80/20.

Thank you for the reply. 

I have given up on the 70k refurb costs. I will not mention this at court. 

That is my intention from the start, sell everything and she gets her share and i get mine, but ex said at meditation I should have buy to let and she moves back to residential property (mediatior advised her she will loose benefits if she receives lump sum), i said No. 

If get 50, 45, 40 i will be happy. I will be fighting for 50%, lets see what happens. 

I have filled out Form A, i will submit this this week. 

Best policy if you get married, never buy anything, rent house, lease cars, etc. Never buy. I have learnt my lesson in life. Never save money as well, spend. 

tightauldgit

Given her circumstances it may well make sense for her to move back into the residential property and you to have the BTL but only if she can afford to buy you out of any balance of equity and pay to stay in the residential property.

Rather than saying don't buy anything but spend all your money better advice would probably be don't get married if you aren't willing to share your assets with someone else. 

ali137

tightauldgit said:

Given her circumstances it may well make sense for her to move back into the residential property and you to have the BTL but only if she can afford to buy you out of any balance of equity and pay to stay in the residential property.

Rather than saying don't buy anything but spend all your money better advice would probably be don't get married if you aren't willing to share your assets with someone else. 

She cannot afford to give me any money from the residential if she was to move in, mortgage is to big, impossible to remortgage this property. There is no way apart from sell. 

True what you are saying, about marriage.