Redundant husband choosing not to work

MalMonroe

Hi, I think this is really sad. You say your husband has said that he feels his mental health has deteriorated and that's what I was thinking as I read your OP. I feel that your husband has possibly been suffering from clinical depression but hasn't realised it and hasn't been able to speak to you about it because he wasn't aware. I have suffered from clinical depression too and it affected me in a similar way. My GP was able (and continues now) to help and support me.

You and your husband seem to have been living separate lives and it's good that you've booked counselling because I think divorce would be the final straw for him right now. I do hope that you will be able to open up more to each other because it really helps. When you're suffering from undiagnosed clinical depression though, you don't know what's happening and you don't know why you are acting in the way you are either. In my own experience, though, once it was diagnosed help was available.

It certainly isn't laziness - and it's awful how some people jump to that conclusion. Lazy is a word that I wish could be dropped from the English language altogether. Most people aren't yet it's a term often applied to people who are ill, like your husband. 

He is very lucky to have someone like you who has decided to help him, rather than turn your back on him.

I wish both of you all the very best.  

gilly1964

I can so relate to your husband and how he is feeling.  

I was made redundant in 2021 after 34 years with the Company.  It was in the middle of the pandemic, working from home for over a year, no chance to say goodbye to friends and colleagues.  

I did receive a very large payoff and was able to claim my company pension without penalty, so in theory do not need to work, but in practice I need to work for my mental health.  I was not mentally ready to retire, despite what I thought.

I was slipping into unnecessary habits, TV on at 3 in the afternoon, eating rubbish whilst watching rubbish TV, a drink whilst cooking dinner, which then became a drink with dinner and after whilst watching more rubbish TV and again whilst eating rubbish.

I started some voluntary work which got me back into a routine and after 18 months started to apply for jobs.  

I have not returned to full time work and am not earning anything like I was, but the routine and the camaraderie with my new colleagues has done so much for my self esteem.

Best wishes to your husband and you and well done for communicating rather than running away

plumb1_2

Sorry to be blunt, but imo ask him to leave. He has a long history of not working giving up on education. Some people are just that way and will never change. Maybe he will get a part time job, but I bet he comes up with a excuse to leave it within a period of time.
A marriage is a partnership, not where one of you sits back and expects you to buy him food and clothes. He’s now blaming it on his mental health, has he shown any willingness to get help for it, from his GP or a charity. Agree with him to make an appointment with the doctors and go with him, of course wait outside.
You are already close to being a single parent, do you need him? do you want him?
You also have to consider will his behaviour affect the children’s attitudes to education and work .

retiringtoosoon

sounds like a bum to me, but hey - you do you