Scarlett's New Start - saving the pennies and planning a new life for myself!

ellenvan

Yes I have had a few Premium bond prizes, also a few competition prizes.
You have to be in it to win it. Worth a go if you can

ScarlettMcCain

Hi @Purplelady65 - sorry for taking ages to respond, we had a busy Easter weekend! Realistically it's going to take me years to save £10K, I'm hoping to put away maybe £1K per year and I only have £1K saved at the moment after a long spell at home with the DC, so it really is a long term plan. That said, I'm hoping to pick up some extra work when the DC are a bit older - maybe magazine distribution or something - any part time work that I could do when they're a bit more independent. 

About his behaviour, I used to pick him up on it, but after I had the twins it got worse and/ or I just couldn't face it any more  it was a really low point of my life, I had a very hard birth and he was nowhere near as helpful and supportive afterwards as I envisaged/ he promised to be. Since then (7.5 years ago!) I realised recently there's been constant picking at me, belittling etc - and of course he held all the financial power, I had nowhere to go even if I'd had the strength of character to leave. I'd just become so used to it that I didn't notice until my lightbulb moment, as above! I've asked him why he says things about me, pointed out that they're hurtful/ untrue etc, but it doesn't stop him... I think in his head I'm some sort of 'employee' (as he earns way more than me) and therefore he's entitled to speak like that to me?

On a positive note, I've been through all my spending records and realised that half my salary goes in direct debits every month, and that's before I pay for any petrol/ food shopping/ childcare  and yet I can't say there's anything massively frivolous in there, the majority is activities for the DC, medical charges, a TV subscription, some charity donations... I'll have another good look but there isn't much I can cut down on. I've opened an account with Starling Bank to move my 'disposable' income to every month, and I'll have a look at the best way to have a savings account - I have one with my current bank which might be the easiest way to keep it, given that interest rates aren't great at the moment. I'm also going to keep looking for ways to earn a bit extra!

WinterWarrior

It might be worth doing an SoE, either privately so you can see exactly what you spend, or on here so people can help. I know it’s hard, but for a start I would consider stopping the charity donations and filtering those straight into debt repayments or savings. I know charities are struggling, but you can help again once you are safely where you need to be. 

ScarlettMcCain

Thank you @WinterWarrior - I've been doing a fair bit of work on it and set up my spending app ready to track, and am using my Starling card for small amounts just to check it works! 

I'm quite torn about the charities - on the one hand they're all ones which mean something personal to me, but on the other you're right, it's £30 or so I could be saving. I'll probably keep the CAP one as they were so incredibly helpful to me when I was in debt and couldn't see a way out - I'd feel that I'm denying someone else the opportunity to access that help! - but stop or reduce the others.

One thing I did have to invest in this month is a mattress topper, I spend most nights in one of the DC's bed as they hop in with DP and he doesn't move them once they're asleep (I can't lift them any more!) then I wake up every morning very achey. I'm too old and fat to sleep on a single mattress meant for smaller, lighter people! I've bought a topper so I can move it between beds, depending on which I have to use...

I'm supposed to be going to a birthday event at the weekend with a group of old friends, but my social anxiety has ramped up to the point where I just don't want to go  I used to be close with this group but stopped seeing them really once the DC were born and DP was... just terrible, really. It's got to the stage where because I haven't been to parties/ events for so long, I get really anxious about going to them (partly because if I have to ask DP to look after the DC, I know he'll moan!) and then the less I go to, the more I stress about those that I do... and I hate the situation, but am not sure how to resolve it. Plus everyone seems to have enough money for taxis and plenty of drinks, and I just don't!

13thlegion

Sounds like you've had a bad roll of the life dice in some areas. And yet you are coming across as someone so strong in the way you are handling, and have been handling everything.

I do agree with @WinterWarrior that the charities can wait a little longer. You will be able to help them much more, and be even more generous, once you are firmly in control of your life. Because I really want to stress you are in control of what happens from here on out. The success you achieve will be yours and you should feel rightly proud of every part of it.

Some quick maths. If you are able to save £1000 a year and your target is £10,000, putting the charity donations to yourself with give you an extra £360 a year to save, reaching your target in 7 years 4 months instead of 10 years.

With your friends, are there any you can talk to? (as in they are your friends and not you and your partners) Whether you go to the party or not, being honest with them I'm sure real friends will understand and supportive of you. 

foxgloves

Hello Scarlett, I agree with other comments that the charity donations (all of them) need to stop until your financial situation is much stronger. Don't feel bad about this. You're obviously a kind person who wants to help make a difference, but there are sometimes those times in our lives when WE need to be the charity. It won't be forever & you'll eventually be in a stronger position to help. For now, all potentially 'spare' money needs to be your own.
Good luck. 
F x 

geordiejon

scarlett,
good luck with this, i notice you said you were going to open a starling account may i suggest going with chase instead.
my wife uses it only for spending it gives you 1% rewards on most things you spend on including petrol (not a massive ammount but it adds up).
what she does is she puts her spending into the account every month and then transfers it to a savings account which gives 3%, every week she moves what she needs into the main account so the rest still gives interest.
she also uses the roundup part of the card again not massive but it does generate 5% interest.
you can have up to 10 savings accounts.
its easy to setup and to use.

crmiles01

Hi Scarlett, just wanted to say well done on  your journey so far, you're doing so well. I'm on my getting debt free (small amount of debt) and saving up journey. I wanted to jump on and post (not because I'm an expert saver   but because you mentioned the Camino in your first post. I just wanted to say you can do it! I've been on the Camino twice (I'm doing it about 10 days at a time) over the past few years (but sadly not since pre-covid). 

I was never super fit or anything but you can walk as much or as little as you like every day. It's the most amazing experience and I met the most amazing people, had the most amazing experiences.

I'd also say its not the most expensive thing to do either (I actually did my first stint on it because I was broke and wanted a cheap walking holiday). It's also really easy to do on your own as you meet sooo many people every day you're never alone (I don't think I ever had dinner once on my own).

Anyway I'm really passionate about the Camino (can you tell!?) and want to encourage to keep that dream. Sounds like with everything you are going through you will really appreciate that Camino journey!!

ScarlettMcCain

Hi all - just an update to say that I did go to the party (for a couple of hours, at least) and had a wonderful time catching up with people  of course I came home to find that DP had let the DC have unlimited screen time and they were manic, absolutely hyper. The house was a tip - none of them had put anything away or even scraped dirty dinner plates into the bin. It's like DP feels that if I have a bit of time away from them, I have to 'pay' in one way or another! Luckily I didn't have to pay for any drinks at the party, I was driving anyway and there were unlimited soft drinks, I stayed until I knew I was overly anxious and then made my goodbyes.

I think some of my friends have noticed @13thlegion, there are a couple who don't invite me out any more because I had to keep saying no to invites  it just got too much asking DP to look after the DC and him being ratty, making my life miserable, talking about me 'spending money I didn't have' (whilst on maternity leave/ being a stay at home mum) and generally driving me to the point of not bothering because it was easier not to. Which has also contributed to my weight problem - I haven't looked after myself because, well, what was the point when I only ever saw the DC and never went out?!

@foxgloves, I've stopped one of the charity donations and will revisit the others, see if I can cut down. I would love to have some 'spare' money to put to my savings pot!

That's really interesting about Chase bank @geordiejon, I'll definitely look into it, I didn't realise there are still banks which pay interest! Hopefully applying for another bank account so soon won't affect my credit rating?

I would loooove to walk the Camino way @crmiles01, how did you manage it on a budget? I'm on a couple of Facebook groups about it hoping to pick up some tips! There are some UK walks I'd enjoy too, I just need to find people to do them with...

ScarlettMcCain

Well, I haven't been on here for ages, but must get back in the habit... DP had a big temper tantrum this evening, I'm still a bit shaky it's so hard because whenever there's an issue, he seems to think he'll solve it by just exploding at me, because then he feels better so of course I will too, right?! Whereas if he could sit down, talk it out, decide what we could do differently etc things would be a lot easier. When we got together - many years ago! - I honestly thought he was the most laid back, easygoing man I'd ever met, very different to my ex who was a massive sulker and made me walk on eggshells whenever he was in a mood. Now I think DP has more in common with ex-DP than I thought...

Hey ho, back to the money saving! I've been researching ADHD as DTS1's teacher suggested that he would benefit from being tested for it; it's struck me that a lot of the test questions would equally apply to me, which has made me wonder if I too have ADHD to some extent. There are certain things - meal planning, long term projects, money saving(!) - which just send me into a tailspin, my brain absolutely can't cope. I've been listening to podcasts and reading about ways to try to make things easier, hopefully something will strike a chord soon.

I'm a bit worried about work too as it's so quiet at the moment - I work in retail but am home based (I do back of house admin) and if things don't pick up soon, I can see them just letting me go as the rest of the team have been there longer and could cover things between themselves. I was taken on almost two years ago as they were so busy, but sadly not any more! The job isn't massively challenging and I can keep myself busy by improving processes etc, but without the sales...

My aim is that by using this as a (semi!) regular diary, I can keep myself on the straight and narrow! My aims for June are:

1. Itemise everything - use my spending app to see what I have left
2. Use my separate accounts/ money pots to keep track of other amounts
3. Try to save as much as possible!