We're an older couple - which way to jump!

Lavendyr

I'm coming at this as the daughter of a mother who met and married her third husband, my step-dad, 25 years ago (she was around 50). I have a mum who is happily settled with my step-dad and I have a dad who is still single. 

When my mum got together with my step-dad, he had a small house which he sold. They have lived mortgage free for a long time. And yes, they have married and have, I believe, put the house as joint tenants, which means that if one of them dies, the house goes to the survivor 100%. They have also put provisions in their wills so that if one predeceases the other, the children will receive an equal split of the remaining estate. 

I think you need to figure out, @trailingspouse, what you are worried about exactly. If it is the house that you might buy together, then set up a deed of trust to specify how much would go where on the event of your separation and/or death. You could also set up an arrangement whereby you keep the smaller house and rent it out, and move in with your partner, but you will need to sort out the rights and obligations that come with this. 

On the other hand, if you don't want to move in with your partner, that is fair enough! Set and keep your boundary if you think that is right for you.

I think the best thing you could do would be for you and OH to chat to a solicitor, once you've both figured out what you want the end result to be.

bouicca21

What @MalMonroe said!

gwynlas

I would say go for the holiday let market not necessarily air bnb but one of the larger companies who will advertise your property well and you can run it as a business. You can move in with your partner and have the benefit of an extra income whilst still retaining a bolthole.Even with our annex I occasionally go there to have some alone time, read a book etc and not have to think about chores. Looking at relationships in later life you need to be aware of the in sickness and in health scenarios and the rapid changes that can come about. If necessary you could still be his emotional support without taking on the drudgery of physical care which would be expected if you were married. You can maintain financial independence whilst sharing living expenses and choosing how to live as a couple. Preparing your house for letting would allow you to divest yourself of any clutter whilst gitting your adult children any mementoes they might like. 

lincroft1710

MikeJXE said:

My home is very clean and tidy hers is clinically clean says her daughter. 

A couple of days before we moved moved in I called it off, she was very feminine, 2 hours minimum to get ready, wanted 3 towels a day face, hair, body, wanted a dryer, a mop and bucket for the kitchen floor that was less than a couple of square metre

 

You had a narrow escape!!

ouraggie

How about keeping your separate houses and buying a joint holiday home/caravan ( depending on your budget)? That way you get to try out co-owning a home. Its not that easy when you’re older. My ex and I had a house each but also bought a new build house together, planning to finally move in together after 10 years as a couple. We sadly could not agree on any aspect as regards furniture, soft furnishings, decor, garden etc so it remained largely unfurnished for two years until we then went our separate ways. I often wonder if we may have stayed together if we hadn’t bought the house.
My dad and his new partner bought a very upmarket caravan ( a lodge, they called it) together after about a year. They kept their own homes and then lived together at the van regularly. It was in a beauty spot only about 35 miles away. Sometimes one of them went there alone but usually they stayed there together. It worked for them.

trailingspouse

ouraggie said:

How about keeping your separate houses and buying a joint holiday home/caravan ( depending on your budget)?

That actually sounds like a very good idea!! Financially it isn't impossible, and would give us the best of both worlds.

bunnygo

2 minutes walk apart? Keep both if you can afford it. Absolutely do not rent either out, especially not if you are in Scotland or Wales. And as you would be living so close to your tenants; definitely no.

i don't think any of the normal reasons to marry apply (e.g. protecting the stay at home partner who is bringing up the kids). Probably not worth it for the inheritance tax exemption either.

as for anyone, make sure your wills are up to date and sort out powers of attorney.

good luck!

trailingspouse

bunnygo said:

as for anyone, make sure your wills are up to date and sort out powers of attorney.

We both have wills leaving everything to our respective children, and have no plans to change this. And I have a PoA in place, but he doesn't (I've told him to get it sorted asap!!)

We're neither of us wanting to marry, the question is whether or not we move in together. It was all so simple 40 years ago - meet a guy, fall in love, get married, 'all that I have I give to you' and all that. So different now, more 'All that I have I hang on to, thank you very much'. Quite sad really, but necessary.

thorsoak

May I add my contribution?   I'll be 80 in June, lost my OH 12 years ago, after 48 years of marriage and 4 children (obviously now all grown).   Six years ago, I met my partner (through t'internet) who is now 85 - he has been married twice before - divorced 40 odd years ago with 3 childen, remarried and widowed 15 years ago  I own home outright now, he has a lifetime interest in 50% of his, the other 50% belonging to his late wife's two (adult) children.    

We live 20 miles apart, and are happy to continue this way - he visits me one weekend, I visit him the other.   (Both drive with our own cars).   We holiday together - we enjoy theatre trips, garcden centres etc etc.   We have mutual interests but at the same time, we both like our own time as well.   Like most women of my age, I left my parents home when I marred 60 years ago, had never lived alone but now, I find that I enjoy my own company, that I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, without having to consider anyone else.   He too lived on his own for several years after his first marriage and he too likes to do things his way - so living apart suits us extremely well.   I love him coming for weekends and holidays and when he had a series of tias (mini strokes) two years ago as the first pandemic orders were lifted, I stayed with him for a month until we were sure that he could cope.   One or other of us calls the other first thing in the morning, and we probably talk three or four times during the day - but we find our wy works for us - and no complicated financial decisions about who owns what/what etc. 

It's the fact that we both have our own independence that is important.

trailingspouse

Thanks thorsoak - yes, I was the same. Married at 19 so went straight from living with parents to living with husband. I was on my own for three years after my 2nd husband left me, and I enjoyed it. And I've worked hard to get the level of independence that I've got (own my own home without a mortgage, and a sensible amount of savings). I enjoy being able to make my own decisions without having to discuss/negotiate/convince.

And we're happy the way we are - either I stay over at his, or he stays over at mine, we spend evenings together, we go to the pub, theatre, cinema, etc, or just watch TV, we both enjoy walking, we've got a couple of holidays booked for later in the year. During the day we tend to go our separate ways unless we've got something specific planned. Life is good.

I've come to the conclusion that - if it ain't broke, don't fix it.