We're an older couple - which way to jump!

trailingspouse

I'm 62, he's 70. We've both been married twice before, and we both have adult children from previous relationships. We both own our own properties with no mortgage (he has a large 4 bed detached house worth about £450k, I have a small 2-bed end of terrace worth about £200k).

Going forward, we'd like to move in together - BUT, there seem to be lots of issues, so I'd really appreciate thoughts, ideas and suggestions. With two failed marriages each, we know our track record isn't great, and we also need to think about what would happen if one of us died.

The options seem to be -

- carry on as we are, running two houses (with all the cost and upkeep involved)

- I sell up and move in with him

- we both sell up and buy a house together

We have no plans to marry (been there, done that...).

It's important to me that we each protect our own capital to pass on to our own children in the fullness of time.

Thoughts ideas and suggestions greatly appreciated.

comeandgo

Me, I’d keep things the way they are, you both be independent and have your own wills giving assists to whoever you want.

Spendless

I would keep things as they are. Neither of you has a wish to remarry. You also don't say how long you've been together. At most, if you want to co-habit, I'd rent one of your properties out,  the other move in but that party shouldn't contribute to any mortgage or any renovations/repairs, purely their share of the bills. 

trailingspouse

Spendless said:

 At most, if you want to co-habit, I'd rent one of your properties out, 

Sounds like a good idea on the face of it, and an option I'd considered, but with the rules on renting property changing it's no longer easy to get a tenant out if, say, the relationship goes west. It might be better to run it as an AirBnB or similar (we're in a tourist area).

We've been together less than a year - but we're aware that we don't have time to waste.

Newly_retired

If you can afford  to keep both properties, there is a lot to be said for having two homes. Somewhere to call your own. No complications if you want to entertain adult children and grandchildren, in case the two sides of the family don't get on, a tidy place versus a cluttered place etc You can chooose how much time you spend together or alone.

tacpot12

I would agree with all the advice so far. I moved in with my partner 18 years ago. We both have adult children, and have always wanted to keep our finances seperate, and so we have never married. Our wills are set-up to leave our assets to our children rather than each other, but our pensions are setup to leave each other an income that will suppliment our own pension provision if we die, but this can easily be changed if we seperate.  

I retained my home, but sold it recently because it was a long way away from where we live. I have used part of the proceeds to buy my partner out of a rental property we bought jointly about ten years ago. So I now have a property locally where I could move to if the relationship broke down or if my partner dies.

theoretica

Running two homes leaves you with two lots of upkeep, but is much simpler if you separate.  How far apart are they?  Another option to consider would be for one or both to sell up and buy different properties.

MikeJXE

IMO stay as you are

I was in a relationship a few years ago 2 80 year olds, great going out for meals, stopping over a few nights a week

We decided to move in together a 2 bed flat but I was insistent that I alone must be able to afford it just in case.

My home is very clean and tidy hers is clinically clean says her daughter. 

A couple of days before we moved moved in I called it off, she was very feminine, 2 hours minimum to get ready, wanted 3 towels a day face, hair, body, wanted a dryer, a mop and bucket for the kitchen floor that was less than a couple of square metre

I couldn't imagine it being any worse

You don't really know anyone till you live together 

trailingspouse

theoretica said:

 How far apart are they? 

A two-minute walk away.

Spendless

A 2 minute walk away and less then a year in a relationship. I'd definitely say keep your own places.  

MalMonroe

I'm now 73 and couldn't imagine feeling any kind of panic about any kind of relationship. Been there and done that. I used to work with a woman who lived next door to her husband, they had a child, each had their own home and they were the happiest couple I have ever met. Still together now. I'm not sure how they managed to get houses next to each other but they did and they could spend time together or not, as they wished. Their son grew into a well adjusted and very pleasant and intelligent young man.

The problem is that society has deemed that if you're part of a couple, you must live together and sleep in the same room. It's not the law and you don't have to do any of it, if you don't want to. 

If I did ever enter into another relationship, I'd want to retain my own home. And they could do the same. If I didn't and then we split up I'd be very annoyed with myself for not ensuring that I had somewhere to return to if it became necessary. Besides, my daughter has a disability and lives with me although has her own independence. I wouldn't want someone to come to live with us, nor for me to go to live with someone else on a permanent basis.

You have to do what suits you and not what you think others will expect of you. Just because you are an older couple doesn't mean that you should panic and move in together. You can still have a good relationship. You have two properties to enjoy between you. You have the best of both worlds. Enjoy yourselves while you are fit and able!