MeandO's money-shuffling

badmemory

If DS is so keen on spending time with his father, then why not let him.  I know what I say is going to be unpopular but.  Tell him you need to see your parents at Christmas as they are obviously not getting any younger & you are concerned for their health.  Give him the choice of coming or staying.  Tell him you will celebrate your own joint Christmas on whatever date.  A lot of people have to work over Christmas & this is how they deal with it very often.  If you let him make the decisions with no comeback you could find next year is a whole new ballgame.  Don't let the one the ex manipulates be you.  I'll apologise now, but I really don't like exes messing up peoples lives just because they can & unfortunately some do.

Aimingforthegoodlife

I'm sorry everything feels so hard now, I am agreeing with badmemory, I feel you NEED to be with your family this year, being alone will do you no good. I am from a split home, we just did two Christmasses on different days, my parents didn't speak and Christmas day was spent with just one parent, then Boxing day I went to the other. Don't allow your husbands manipulation to stop you looking after you, your son has many years to do Christmas differently. I think the underlying health issues are going to be having a big impact as well, I am sorry your surgery has been so awful and not contacted you, awful. I hope the next appointments come quickly.

You are a lovely, kind person, you go above and beyond to try and keep on top of everything, big hugs x 

MatyMoo

Delurking to say that in our family we have Christmas 24-26th one year & then 27-29th the next so that people can go to other families on alternate years without guilt. It’s not perfect, but it works for us. 

MeandO

Thank you everyone xx 

Yes, I have let DS go to his father's again and if that was genuinely his wish I would let him go every time - I have for several years. The problem is that DS was happy with plans until his father turned up the guilt trips and manipulation onto DS. If I'd said no, DS would accuse me of being unfair to his father because that is what his father is making him believe. He is not doing it because he craves time with his son, he simply sees it as a 'win.' It is to make himself look good and, in his eyes, to get one up on me. He is a selfish, narcissistic liar who manipulates people for his own fulfilment. He is also a very jealous person and hates it when I'm having a good time. I despise him. But I am so tired of the constant battle. I'm so very tired of it all. I would rather just sleep through Christmas this year than have to go through any more of this for one more minute.
I will travel to my family at a different time and we will have 'Christmas' then, but it is never the same. Relatives are not around as they have to go back to work and it all feels muted, but we will try and make the best of it as we always do. I can't go without DS, it is a long way away and my parents would be devastated if DS wasn't there with me and, to be honest, I think I would get easily upset which is the last thing I want to do in front of my parents. They have enough stress and upset in their lives without being even more worried about me.

MeandO

Oh, and child tax credits have randomly plonked £325 in my account today which makes me nervous. I've no way of knowing why as I'm no longer able to use the tax credits account online as I don't have an account - payments were stopped over a month ago and I'm not eligible for UC as I earn too much. I tried ringing the phoneline but there was apparently an hour's wait.  I've just swept it to the EF for now so it's there when they inevitably ask for it back.

Aimingforthegoodlife

The best way to play him at his own game, don't show him it bothers you, I am sure you don't anyway, but its only a win if he sees it hurts. What a tool- that was a nice word to use, I would like to use a much more fun swear word but I am not sure MSE would like it! 

Child credits, I have a few colleagues that have had such issues with them, great idea to move it away and maybe get some pennies interest until they come shouting for it back! 

Take care x

MeandO

Thank you for your wise words, Aimingforthegoodlife. I do try not to let him get to me but it is so hard when I can see DS being manipulated by his Dad and being made to feel guilty by him. It is just so awful to see. Now that DS is getting older I am getting better at standing back with the hope that DS will one day see it for himself, until then, all I can do is continue to make sure DS knows he is loved more than life itself by me and my family and has a lovely, safe home free of all that nonsense here with me.

enthusiasticsaver

Hopefully one day your DS will see his father for the manipulative selfish person he sounds like.  It is a shame you and your DS cannot move nearer your parents as it sounds like you need more support and their health issues presumably mean they cannot travel to you. 

MeandO

It’s been a little while since I posted, in which time DS and I have been away for a couple of nights with family members. They very kindly paid for our hotel room as a Christmas gift, I paid for train travel (with my railcard to make it much cheaper) and I also paid for a pub dinner one night for all 4 of us as a thank you. Other than that, spends were minimal on some sandwiches for the train ride home and topping up our Oyster cards. 

I tackled the Christmas gift list head on yesterday and finished the bulk of the Christmas gift shopping. I need to pick up a couple of gift vouchers for OH’s nephews but OH will reimburse me for those, so I should only need to spend around £20 more and then I’m done. Everything is already wrapped as I’ve been wrapping as I’ve bought stuff to stop DS from peeking! I was getting a bit low on wrapping paper but I got the decorations down from the attic yesterday and found I’d stashed some away with those last year so no need to buy any more.  
I’ve almost got the decorations done now too. As I said, I was brave (!) and talked myself into going up into the attic yesterday to get all the decorations and the tree down. I was going to wait for OH as I hate the attic in this old house - there’s no light source up there and it’s cobwebby and scares me. There’s also some random stuff left by the previous residents that I haven’t investigated too much yet (just old boxes of tiles, flooring from years ago and other useless cr&p) but I put my big girl pants on and just got on with it and was pleased with myself for doing so. I also went up there for a second time this evening to put all the decoration storage boxes back!

The tree is up (and almost decorated) in our front room (which we use as a playroom), and we also have a mini tree in our lounge this year as the main one won’t fit in there now I’ve installed shelves in the alcoves. DS also has a little tree in his bedroom with funny baubles on (think sparkly gherkins, french fries, hot dogs, rubber ducks etc!). I ordered them a few years ago as a bit of fun for the playroom, but they took months to arrive and the company eventually refunded me in full as an apology, so were free.
I’ve also decorated the large fireplace in the lounge with a Garland along the mantelpiece with little fairy lights in it. I’m really pleased with how Christmassy and cosy the lounge now looks. Tomorrow I’ll finish the tree and put the lights up in our windows and in our litter potted Christmas tree outside. 

Money wise, I’ve had to transfer some money back from the EF. As I feared at the start of the month, I was being way too optimistic with savings considering I have to pay for Christmas. I have still saved around £850 between various pots and overpaid the mortgage by over £150 this month, but I have taken £200 of the extra £300 from tax credits back out of the EF to cover the cost of things this month. Talking of tax credits, I received a letter from them today telling me that the recent payment was correct. Hopefully they won’t later change their minds.

MeandO

Friday, at last…

I’ve had notification today that I will receive 50% of our recent train fare back as we were delayed by over half an hour, so just over £21 coming back to me shortly. 
£5 made on a vinted sale tonight, the listing for which I’d forgotten about, but thankfully hadn’t given to the charity shop yet. It’s wrapped, ready to post tomorrow and the charity bag will hopefully be dropped off this weekend too as it’s getting in the way. 

A trip to Aldi today for groceries cost around £22 which included a couple of treats. I then popped to Asda to get the bits I couldn’t find at Aldi and spent £12 ish there which included some YS smoked Hake with & garlic and seaweed butter - mmmm - which OH and I will have this weekend, and some
good quality YS bacon which I normally deem to expensive to buy at full price. We shouldn’t need any more groceries this week now other than to top up with milk etc.

DS has a couple of social events with friends/sports this week. One is free, the other is £25 which seems a lot for what it is, but all his friends/team are going and he really wants to go. He offered to give me the money from his bank account, bless him, but I couldn’t/wouldn’t do that in a million years. I can afford it and he’s recently done well in lots of tests he’s had at school, so will be considered a treat for that. I had £15 in my purse so have taken £10 out of the bank today to make it up to £25.