Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay more towards bills as they earn more?

bibsan

I feel embarrassed to read you say you are in fuel poverty when you are living as a couple.  How dare you say you can't get benefits because as a household you don't qualify, benefits are for people who need them, not for people like you who has a partner who earns twice what you do and you live with him and earn yourself.  You admitted yourself you are a 'household' so bills are per 'household'.  Have  you ever heard of communication, speak to your partner and stop whining.

jedav

You need to have that conversation with your partner.  We split bills paid from budgeted monthly payments into a joint accounts, that include a maintenance element.  My other half's income is about 50% more than mine.  I don't feel short-changed, but my income is sufficient not to.  Because of history in my family I want to pay my way.  Work out why you think it might be unfair to you/how you may be struggling, and discuss.  Look at the whole picture, not just household bills (e.g.hospitality/holidays/activities).

LizzieFlorence

Ruperts_Trooper said:

I've never understood how couples can keep their finances separate - our old-fashioned view was that all incomes and expenses went through our joint account so no abitrarily splitting costs and whatever's left is "ours".

We keep our finances separate because my first husband spent everything I earned as well as everything he earned.It didn't matter if he left myself and the children eating baked beans for a week as long as he was OK. My second husband is marvellous where money is concerned but I still like to know that I can buy something if I need to.

Garethwats

You both pay the same towards your bills which is fair but because your partner earns more money than it doesn’t mean he has to pay for more of the bills. Try asking him if he could help you out more on the energy bills as you really can’t afford to pay more or just try cutting back like all of us

BobT36

wavey12 said:

I earn more than my partner, but we have a joint account that all our joint expenses come out of and we put in the same amount. Then we have separate accounts for our own purchases, which I think is important to retain some level of independence. You're two individuals as part of a team after all, you don't blend into one. I would calculate your joint expenses up and then halve it. If this leaves your partner with less disposable income, you could maybe look at splitting 60/40 so you're paying a bit more, but I think it's fairer to split evenly.

This. I don't get the argument "It wouldn't feel fair to me for me to have loads of "spare" cash and have her struggling to get by.". 
What's stopping that partner from getting a better job and earning the same? Both genders wanted to be part of the workforce, so put up and pay up equally. Nothing stopping that nowadays. 

Why should one partner have to strive for promotions and WORK HARDER for that higher salary, just to pay most of the bills?

There IS an argument if one parent has given up salary / time for having children or taking care of the home. In which case it is simple, the other partner simply compensates them accordingly (x hours of the salary they are / would have been earning). Then bills can stay 50/50. 

Of course if one is REALLY struggling to manage the bills or is in poor health or some situation (that isn't of their own making) then there's a discussion to be had and the other partner can decide to help them out in whatever way they see fit. 


Otherwise it should absolutely be 50/50, this is meant to be a TEAM effort so each member should be putting in equivalent %. Should there be a divorce (which can happen at any time for any reason nowadays) it would go against the higher earner funding the lower, as they'd be viewed to have given them a lifestyle and then be expected to maintain that during / after divorce, that is no way fair. If things are kept 50/50 and all other finances kept personal then there's no lifestyle / whatever argument during divorce. Of course no-one should live planning for divorce but it would be stupid for one to put themselves in a vulnerable position, that's just due to our bad law.

My partner earns way more than me, but we still contribute 50/50 to bills, and everything else is our own personal money. We have occasionally "lent" money (one pays for more, the other pays their equivalent half back later) very short term, but otherwise we pay our share. Anything that needs doing to / for the house we simply pay 50/50. If one half isn't earning enough, then earn more. The other person is doing that and has worked for it so they shouldn't be penalised for doing so. 

phillw

BobT36 said:
Why should one partner have to strive for promotions and WORK HARDER for that higher salary, just to pay most of the bills?

 

In my experience, the person who gets paid more, works less. They just randomly managed to luck into the right job.

Newbie_John

We pay 70% of our salaries to the joint acc and it covers everything we as family spend on. I don't really care how much each of us earns, we as family should be equal. The remaining money is personal and we use it for whatever we want - family dinner - joint money, drinks with my work colleagues - my money.

50/50 on bills didn't work for us for many reasons, including career slow down because of kids, some issues that even if one of us has ££££ and the other is struggling - what family is that..

By saying that, we have very similar spending habits so there's no issues with that. With some of my ex partners I wouldn't do that.. I mean marriage 🤣

Julia1960

You don’t mention whether you earn less due to (a) other commitments such as caring for family members, including children - if this is the case then your partner should most definitely be contributing considerably more than you do, or (b) whether you and your partner work similar hours - again, if this is the case your partner should absolutely be contributing more. If however it’s specifically your choice to work part-time hours (as I do) and your partner chooses to work longer hours then you should both contribute the same amount. I am 63 and choose to work part-time; my husband is 58 and chooses to work full-time. Therefore we split all bills equally.

gajones

ariarnia said:

gajones said:

Does the higher earner use more than you? If everything is used 50 - 50 then no, the bills should be 50 - 50.
I am sure your partner buys other things as well, like holidays, car expenses etc.
Pay for what you use.

would the partner complain if the op started cutting back on things like the heating etc because they needed to reduce there outgoings to match income?

As previously mentioned, we also put all the money in 1 pot and bills come out of the account.
There is normally a difference in salaries between partners, but as a couple the joint income provides for all.
Not everyones idea, but usually works without issues.

Birsay61x

Leave them!   All money should be in one pot.