Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay more towards bills as they earn more?

AngelicKaty

Toreishii said:

I would say it's worth having a discussion with your partner about what works for you both. You can't lose anything by talking about it. 

My partner and I have always done it proportionally and I also have control over the finances. Our finances are separate but we have come to agreement. When I was on my maternity leave, my partner worked full time and I would have more money from him. When I went back as the high earner, my partner reduced his hours to look after the kids and contributed less towards the bills. We now do around the same hours and do not have childcare, but I have more money incoming so take a sum based on only the shared bills. 

Do what works best for you both. Your relationship you are supposed to be there as a team. If you are struggling it isn't unreasonable to see what you can make a compromise on.

Brilliant!  You and your partner clearly operate as a team, care about each other and trust each other.  What a lovely, grown-up post to read. 

_Sam_

SnakePlissken said:

_Sam_ said:

SnakePlissken said:

The post doesnt mention anything further.

But does the  larger earner pay for other things e.g. holidays, car insurance(s), car servicing etc with person querying paying less or even nothing?

Its hard to make a comment with out being party to all the information on shared payment spilt or not on all household bills and expenses.

Only with this information can you comment on it being fair or not.

Not necessarily - perhaps one way to understand this question is whether the OH's high earnings is the cause of the OP's financial hardship. 

If but for the high salary of the OH, the OP would have been in receipt of grants/benefits towards energy costs, then the answer would be yes, the OH is responsible for the hardship and should contribute financially to compensate (to put OP in the same position as to the energy costs they would have been with grants/benefits).

If the answer to the above is no, in other words if the OP would still have not been in receipt of grants/benefits even if the OH had earned exactly the same amount as the OP (for example because their combined income would still have precluded it), then the reason the OP does not currently receive grants/benefits would not be the high earnings of the OH and they should continue equal split.

And as i said we do not know if other half pays all other bills and if op would be in receipt of grants or not. They mention being in fuel poverty, a lot of people pay over 10% of income on energy and are not able to get grants as they earn above limit on asistance.

They dont say what their income is, how much they are left with after bills or what else their partner pays for. It may be they qualify for benefits, but we do not know with information supplied

For me, I do not have enough information to make a judgement and for me that is why i wont make a judgement. 

From the OP's post: "With the current high energy prices, splitting bills this way puts me into fuel poverty, as more than 10% of my income is spent on energy. Yet I get no grants or benefits to help with this as my partner's income means that, as a household, we're not eligible."

The way I see it, the OP is not asking us to confirm whether they would be eligible for grants/benefits. They are asking whether in a situation where the grants/benefits are denied due to the OH's high earnings, the 50/50 split is unfair.

This question I think could be answered with the information provided, by approaching it in the "all else being equal" way.

AngelicKaty

Ruperts_Trooper said:

I've never understood how couples can keep their finances separate - our old-fashioned view was that all incomes and expenses went through our joint account so no abitrarily splitting costs and whatever's left is "ours".

Totally agree with your "old-fashioned view".  My husband and I have had a joint account for over 40 years - with me doing the "admin"  - and it's worked perfectly well for us.  We discuss all big spend and make sure we're both happy before going ahead.  I was brought up to "not spend what you don't have", so he can trust me to be the Accounts manager, and if he spends money on himself, he just lets me know what he has spent (if it's a small amount) or what he's planning to spend if it's a larger amount - not because he's asking permission, but because timing when using a credit card is important and sometimes I'll ask him to wait for a couple of days before placing the order.  This means conversations about money become routine, rather than a battle-ground, although I suppose partners with very divergent views about spending money may not be able to operate like this.

_Sam_

Swipe said:

Not sure how this is related to the energy board? Should be in the relationships forum. Mods, please move to the correct board.

The question is related to the energy, it is the answers that mostly are about relationships 

AngelicKaty

samsam89 said:

Hard one to answer. My OH’s income is less than half of mine and we put everything into one account and it’s just ours to use and spend equally. I’m happy with that arrangement but the tricky bit now is that she only works 20hrs a week which was originally due to childcare, however our children are both now at school so in my mind she should be working more and bringing more in rather than having 4 days off a week when she could be working. That wouldn’t change my perspective that what’s mine is here and vice versa, I’d just like her to bring in more for her part now she has the time.

Which sounds perfectly reasonable.  Have you spoken to her about it?  She may have reasons for not wanting to go back to work F/T, or thinks you're managing just fine and doesn't know this is how you feel about it.  Of course, if she does return F/T, you're going to have to do your fair share around the house and with the kids.  BTW, how does she do 20hrs a week in one day?  Or are you including the weekends in the 4 days a week she has off?

RumoutUK

Why would you not just have a pot of money that bills are paid from? We have always had a joint account, always used it for bills and always spent from it. If I want a big item, I ask, so does she. Our bank also gives us a normal single account, we use that for birthdays and other special occasions. But all accounts are open to view for either of us. Any relationship where you want separate pots of money in this way, shows a lack of trust or using the money for some other means. Gambling, clubbing, even another man/woman. 

As for the bills? Why should he subsidise you because he has done better in his career than you? I see no reason for him to pay more than half if you want to run your finances separately.

maisie_cat

A lot depends on other things, when I earned twice my husbands salary I worked long hours to do so, whereas his shifts were determined and he finished early afternoon.
He mostly cooked dinner during the week, did washing, cleaning etc. So we split the joint income 50:50. Later I had to give up work for medical reasons and I did all the housework while he was at work.

jenst

Your partner as the higher earner should pay more, it's unfair to divide the bills up as 50/50 when they earn twice what you do.

JaneHenery

comeandgo said:

Two people living in the same house sharing costs, to me it’s half each.  Why should he subsidise you?

Because he loves her and cares about her wellbeing, both physically and emotionally?

AngelicKaty

Fona said:

Just had to reply! This exact situation caused soooo many arguments between me and my now husband. I work full time and then 2 part time evening/weekend jobs, I was lucky to get 1 weekend a month to myself and still earned about 2/3rds or less than he did. He assumed I should still pay half of everything. In my opinion I should pay the same proportion of my earning. So for example I took home £2,000pm (40% of the total income) and husband £3,000pm (60%of total income) Totalling £5,000 income per month (100% total income). Therefore, if our combined bills total £2,000 I should pay 40% of the £2,000 bill being £800, and he should pay 60% of the bill being £1,200. Obviously he did not think this was fair, even to this day, 14 years later! Although this completely changed to him paying 95% of the bills since I stopped working 3 years ago to have our 2 daughters. If your other half will not agree but you financially trust them (very important), then suggest opening a joint account for all wages to go into, then all bills to come out of, then a joint savings account this is what I should have done at the time. 

I'm guessing he's gone along with your way of thinking, albeit grudgingly, or I'd have to ask why did you marry him?  Glad you got it sorted in the end!