Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay more towards bills as they earn more?

sjg666

When we both earned similar amounts we split the bills 50/50 - that money being paid into a joint account and the rest kept in our separate personal accounts.

When that shifted as my husband progressed through more senior roles meaning he was earning a good chunk more than me, we adjusted to split the bills so that we each pay the same proportion of our salary into the bills account to cover all regular bills (plus a little extra as a 'buffer' and anything else is kept in our personal accounts. 

Any extra 'one-off' expenses above the usual bills (such as holidays etc.) we split 50/50. If either of us has an unusual large personal bill (e.g. expensive car repairs) and is struggling with it if the other has the funds to help then we do with no pressure/obligation to pay anything back.  

I personally like knowing that our contributions to our homely running costs are on an equal footing and that we each have our own earned money to do with as we please and so there can never be any arguments over one or the other of us making a large purchase (or lots of little ones) with the other's money. 

cherryduck

sjg666 said:

When we both earned similar amounts we split the bills 50/50 - that money being paid into a joint account and the rest kept in our separate personal accounts.

When that shifted as my husband progressed through more senior roles meaning he was earning a good chunk more than me, we adjusted to split the bills so that we each pay the same proportion of our salary into the bills account to cover all regular bills (plus a little extra as a 'buffer' and anything else is kept in our personal accounts. 

Any extra 'one-off' expenses above the usual bills (such as holidays etc.) we split 50/50. If either of us has an unusual large personal bill (e.g. expensive car repairs) and is struggling with it if the other has the funds to help then we do with no pressure/obligation to pay anything back.  

I personally like knowing that our contributions to our homely running costs are on an equal footing and that we each have our own earned money to do with as we please and so there can never be any arguments over one or the other of us making a large purchase (or lots of little ones) with the other's money. 

Me and my wife do things almost exactly like this, only shared costs go on a joint credit card which we pay off in full each month, but either way, same result. We pay bills proportionally based on our income. It wouldn't feel fair to me for me to have loads of "spare" cash and have her struggling to get by.

"I personally like knowing that our contributions to our homely running costs are on an equal footing and that we each have our own earned money to do with as we please and so there can never be any arguments over one or the other of us making a large purchase (or lots of little ones) with the other's money. "

Exactly how I feel about it.

Swipe

Not sure how this is related to the energy board? Should be in the relationships forum. Mods, please move to the correct board.

fsween19

My partner and i had this discussion about ten years ago. As i earned about 3.5 times as much as her. We worked out that i paid 7.5 times her share of the bills plus holidays , savings and unforseen expenses (eg plumbing repairs, meals out  etc. ). So she was happy paying her share. If the differential of income is really big. The higher eatner should pay a higher proportion, as after paying bills they will still have more money left. In their pocket

iclayt

Can always rely on a question like this to get sanctimonious responses like "Aren't you a team??" and "No wonder marriages are failing!!". Utter rubbish. If you want joint finances, fine, whatever works best for you. There is nothing wrong with any partnered/married individual having their own bank account if they wish nor should anyone have to give up every scrap of financial independence just because "it's what you do".

My partner and I have been together 11 years. They earn 3x as much as I do a month. We have a joint account we pay into out of our own accounts to cover bills, mortgage, insurance, food shops etc, and the amount is proportional to what we earn and can afford to pay in, leaving the rest as ours to save or spend as we see fit.  It's shocking, I know, but somehow we still manage to be a team and remain married, despite this incredible arrangement. 

OP please talk to your partner and explain that you are struggling. You don't have to launch in with "I don't think it's fair we pay the same amount", show them your statements and chances are they will come to that realisation quite quickly. If they don't want to support you with this difficulty, now that is a problem, not the fact you don't have one joint account for the household.

SimpleMind

I've long lived with the approach that regular ongoing house bills like gas, water, electricity are proportionately paid according to earnings, with ad hoc amounts such as food & holidays are paid equally by each partner.  The only exception being the mortgage where we pay an equal amount each so that there can be no dispute that we each own half of the property. 

This has meant that over time I have either paid more than my partner or my partner has paid more dependant on our circumstances. We are a partnership so this seems fair to us and ensures there are no arguments regarding money.

In addition, we have separate bank accounts and a joint one. We each pay in our proportionate amount for the regular bills & mortgage into the joint account, where all the bills/DDs are taken and then we share the costs of the other things which are more flexible and in our power to control. Then what is left in our own personal accounts are ours to do as we like.

AngelicKaty

SnakePlissken said:

The post doesn't mention anything further.

But does the  larger earner pay for other things e.g. holidays, car insurance(s), car servicing etc with person querying paying less or even nothing?

It's hard to make a comment without being party to all the information on shared payment spilt or not on all household bills and expenses.

Only with this information can you comment on it being fair or not.

Actually, the scenario DOES give this information - at the end of the very last sentence it says: "or is it fairer to keep bills 50/50?" So it's clear they currently split ALL bills 50/50.  IMHO, they should change the split so it's proportionate to their individual earnings.

AngelicKaty

comeandgo said:

Two people living in the same house sharing costs, to me it’s half each.  Why should he subsidise you?

Because if they weren't living together the partner on the lower wage would be able to claim benefits to subsidise their low wage - would you rather the tax payer subsidises their low wage, rather than their partner?  Interesting, by the way, that you assumed the higher earner is a man - the scenario doesn't state the gender of either partner.

AngelicKaty

rp1974 said:

Living out of someone else's pocket isn't acceptable and I wouldn't enter a serious relationship without that being understood from the outset.
50/50 split of everything or no deal, imho.

So, rather than live "out of the pocket" of their partner, you'd rather they lived "out of the pocket" of tax payers?  If these two were living separately, the lower earner could claim benefits to subsidise their low wage, so tax payers would pay that subsidy - would you prefer that?  In fact, living together is disadvantaging the lower earner because their partner's income lifts them above the threshold for claiming benefits.  If the lower wage earner can't get the higher wage earner to understand that, maybe they should end the relationship.

wavey12

I earn more than my partner, but we have a joint account that all our joint expenses come out of and we put in the same amount. Then we have separate accounts for our own purchases, which I think is important to retain some level of independence. You're two individuals as part of a team after all, you don't blend into one. I would calculate your joint expenses up and then halve it. If this leaves your partner with less disposable income, you could maybe look at splitting 60/40 so you're paying a bit more, but I think it's fairer to split evenly.