Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay more towards bills as they earn more?

gothvixen

In the past I split all bills in proportion to salary. That means that unless one person says specifically that they are paying for a treat, everything gets split. It's a discussion for before you move in together really.

mylifestory

comeandgo said:

Two people living in the same house sharing costs, to me it’s half each.  Why should he subsidise you?

Wow. May as well share a flat with a stranger then!

hma07

To me, that does seem a little unfair. Morally I mean, if you're struggling. Although, as a cohabiting couple that's how my partner and I used to split everything too, 50/50. And I was happy with that as I've always been proudly independent. That changed when I had a baby, went on maternity leave and then returned to work part time to care for our child. I sacrificed my career and income for OUR child so it seemed a fair time to reevaluate finances. He's also on a very considerable amount more than me. 
The other time I'd say is appropriate to reevaluate is when "cohabiting couple" becomes "marriage", because surely that's part of the deal. Actually even the whole point? You join forces to become one unit, officially. I don't think you can do that but hoard money for yourself! Don't get married if you don't want to split everything and live a shared life in a partnership. 

Katecooks

I have to say this is a bizarre question for me. Guess it depends by what you mean by 'partner'.  If you regard your current situation as "a house share" it's 50/50 all the way no matter how much you earn. If you live as 'man and wife' (or wife and wife/husband and husband) it's a different matter.  My husband and I have always regarded our money as 'joint' regardless of individual salaries which have varied through the years; I earned more than him when we first married, nothing for a while when I stayed at home with children and now earn only a fraction of what he does; doesn't matter to us; there is no 'my money' and 'your money'. You do need to have similar views on spending though to make this work and many couples I know like to have their own 'spending' money.

Tulgey_Wood

Interesting range of responses! I think it depends largely on what "partner" actually means in the relationship. For me, certainly after eight years, I think a partnership would entail each party having 50/50 of the surplus left over AFTER the bills are paid, otherwise you're just flat mates.

ariarnia

not sure how this is an energy question (would of thought the relationship board a better fit)?

the same as all the rest of these questions (spitting the bill in the restaurant. should my child pay rent. etc) the op needs to have a conversation with there partner and agree what works for them. theres no one size fits all or right and wrong so no 'dilemma' (unless there saying do it my way or i leave you at which point leave. your better off!) 

what we do is pay all our wages into a joint account (last day of the month). then bills/savings/pension payments come out (1 day of the month). then we both get an amount (same amount) to spend or save on what we want (and for each others birthdays). and whats left in the account is used for food/stuff for the kids/anything big we want for the house or whatever. 

MikeJXE

Ruperts_Trooper said:

I've never understood how couples can keep their finances separate - our old-fashioned view was that all incomes and expenses went through our joint account so no abitrarily splitting costs and whatever's left is "ours".

Absolutely I totally agree 

No wonder failed marriages are on the up reading some of the comments 

What happened to share and share alike 

Ed264

This seems most unfair. If your partner earns twice as much as you, perhaps your partner should pay twice as much as you. For example, you have a bill for £300. Your partner pays £200, you pay £100. Seems pretty clear-cut to me.

Flipflop13

There’s some very strange comments on here that are basically judging this like a flat share. 

As a long term couple you should be able to discuss this and you should both want to be able to help each other, if you are struggling then his natural instinct should be to immediately step in and lighten the load, especially if his salary stopped any additional benefits you were receiving. Y husband and I get paid into our individual accounts then pay a proportion into a joint account (about 50%). We used to earn near identical salaries but after maternity leave I changed jobs and took a step back from management therefore I earn about £1000 a mont less than my husband now. 

The joint account covers mortgage, childcare, child activities, all household bills, food shop and any incidentals. What we leave in our own accounts is for any personal hobbies or social occasions. I don’t have any or go out much so save quite a bit each month into a shared savings account, my husband has more hobbies therefore he doesn’t save as much however if the joint account runs dry, he’s the first one to top it up. So overall we spend and save very similar amounts and always there to cover each other if an unexpected bill comes in. I don’t think it should be a yours and mine situation. If that’s how you (or him) want to live then you’re better getting something in writing or consider if cohabiting is really suited.

XRAT

It doesn't sound a very equal partnership to me where one gets 2/3rds of the income but both contribute equally to the outgoings.