Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner pay more towards bills as they earn more?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My other half of eight years earns more than twice what I do, but we both pay the same towards our household bills. With the current high energy prices, splitting bills this way puts me into fuel poverty, as more than 10% of my income is spent on energy. Yet I get no grants or benefits to help with this as my partner's income means that, as a household, we're not eligible. I have very little left over after living expenses, so should I ask my partner to pay more or is it fairer to keep bills 50/50?

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SnakePlissken

The post doesnt mention anything further.

But does the  larger earner pay for other things e.g. holidays, car insurance(s), car servicing etc with person querying paying less or even nothing?

Its hard to make a comment with out being party to all the information on shared payment spilt or not on all household bills and expenses.

Only with this informationcan you comment on it being fair or not.

Spoonie_Turtle

These are things you need to discuss before moving in together.  Either your finances are joint, and you pool your resources (which can still allow for both to have the same amount of individual spending money in their own accounts after bills, if you wish) or your finances are separate and each pays their way proportionally.

After 8 years together it seems weird to still have separate finances (are you not a team on all fronts?) but each to their own, I guess.

MuckChucker

The only bills we do 50/50 are childcare and mortgage. Energy, utilities, insurance, mobiles, broadband, council tax, car loan etc are all paid by me. Randomly, the wife pays the TV license. A lot of the small kids stuff, she covers - a lot of the time I don't even know about it tbh. I earn a little over double. We did sit down and revised the maths a while ago, seems about fair.

I would say it should be proportionate OP

_Sam_

SnakePlissken said:

The post doesnt mention anything further.

But does the  larger earner pay for other things e.g. holidays, car insurance(s), car servicing etc with person querying paying less or even nothing?

Its hard to make a comment with out being party to all the information on shared payment spilt or not on all household bills and expenses.

Only with this information can you comment on it being fair or not.

Not necessarily - perhaps one way to understand this question is whether the OH's high earnings is the cause of the OP's financial hardship. 

If but for the high salary of the OH, the OP would have been in receipt of grants/benefits towards energy costs, then the answer would be yes, the OH is responsible for the hardship and should contribute financially to compensate (to put OP in the same position as to the energy costs they would have been with grants/benefits).

If the answer to the above is no, in other words if the OP would still have not been in receipt of grants/benefits even if the OH had earned exactly the same amount as the OP (for example because their combined income would still have precluded it), then the reason the OP does not currently receive grants/benefits would not be the high earnings of the OH and they should continue equal split.

comeandgo

Two people living in the same house sharing costs, to me it’s half each.  Why should he subsidise you?

rp1974

Living out of someone elses pocket isn't acceptable and I wouldn't enter a serious relationship without that being understood from the outset.
50/50 split of everything or no deal,imho.

Toreishii

I would say it's worth having a discussion with your partner about what works for you both. You can't lose anything by talking about it. 

My partner and I have always done it proportionally and I also have control over the finances. Our finances are separate but we have come to agreement. When I was on my maternity leave, my partner worked full time and I would have more money from him. When I went back as the high earner, my partner reduced his hours to look after the kids and contributed less towards the bills. We now do around the same hours and do not have childcare, but I have more money incoming so take a sum based on only the shared bills. 

Do what works best for you both. Your relationship you are supposed to be there as a team. If you are struggling it isn't unreasonable to see what you can make a compromise on.

addyann

We split everything, and share what we have left.  

Q11

If you’re struggling to pay 50% of the bills you should explain this to your partner. I know it can be difficult as your salary’s are so different.
my partner and I have joint accounts and have always shared our money.  Maybe it’s different as we have children. 

Ruperts_Trooper

I've never understood how couples can keep their finances separate - our old-fashioned view was that all incomes and expenses went through our joint account so no abitrarily splitting costs and whatever's left is "ours".