want to get out of parents

tiger135

thanks i thought so, just doubting myself i think.

tiger135

"No. The dynamics are totally different"

hi silvercar could you explain a little more about the dynamic being different?  so i can explain to my parents clearly.
thanks

tiger

elsien

You will always be their child. However hard they try to let go, there will always be that parent child element to your relationship. 

Lodging with someone else you are just two adults living together. Yes there may be house rules for you to abide by.

But that’s purely around the housing element. Your landlord is not commenting on or judging the rest of your life for you.

This is from the perspective of someone who moved away from home then came back for various reasons, and stayed until my late 30s. Parent never understood why she couldn’t just walked into my room whenever she felt like it, or comment on work/social life/whatever. She would never have called it that, and it came from a good place because she cares about me. But there’s always that element of Mum knows best in the background. 

You don’t get that when you rent a place. 

SavingPennies_2

tiger135 said:

should i feel any guilt by considering living with someone else in a spare room , rather than staying at parents?

No, it's completely normal to want to live independently (though of course some prefer to stay with parents and that's normal too, especially in some cultures). Don't know why you'd feel guilty, didn't you live away from your parents before, since you mentioned moving back in with them in your 40s? How is it any different?

The bottom line is it doesn't mean you don't love your parents because you choose not to live with them as an adult, they shouldn't feel bad you want some independence and a different type of living space, and you shouldn't feel guilty. Many parents might even prefer it as much as they love their children.

If you can't find somewhere suitable to buy just find a rental or house share, not sure what the big deal is.

MFWannabe

OP a month has passed since the last post and you have come on today and asked how you can clearly explain to your parents 
In January or February (can’t remember which) you were saying you were desperate to move out but you’re here asking the same questions in March 
You need to ask yourself what is stopping you from moving on and be very honest with yourself 
Also ask yourself what you truly want:
 If it’s to buy a property get on and do it 
If it’s to move out and rent somewhere then do it 
If you’re happy living with parents then continue to do that 

Whatever you decide you need to make plans to make it happen

Life really is too short to not live it and get on with it 

elsien

tiger135 said:

"No. The dynamics are totally different"

hi silvercar could you explain a little more about the dynamic being different?  so i can explain to my parents clearly.
thanks

tiger

And there you have it exactly. If you were a lodger or renting a room you wouldn’t be needing to do that explanation.

Sarah1Mitty2

From a purely financial point of view you are definitely doing the right thing by waiting OP.

tiger135

thank you and yes i do have the problem of the mother that walks in the room when she feels like it! 
ill try and get a move on. 

jimbog

tiger135 said:

thank you and yes i do have the problem of the mother that walks in the room when she feels like it! 
ill try and get a move on. 

The best of luck 🤞 you won’t regret it 

KxMx

I lived with my Mum until I was 35, I tried for years and years and fought many battles, to try and get us to evolve into a "adults living together" stage instead of parent/child, I was largely unsuccessful...
And my Mum while nosy/intrusive/unreasonable always respected my personal privacy in bedroom, I cannot imagine how bad it is when that doesn't apply! 
I also cannot stress how much happier I am now and how much better our relationship is now that we live apart.