Wife filed for divorce within 2weeks of walking out. Struggling and need advice

Richard1212

Such a sad, all too common story ( especially when marrying so young )-----and you have my sympathies. You must be at an all-time low, and I very much hope things improve soon, especially as an unborn child is involved.

And the posts so far show the caring face of this forum which is never seen on certain other Boards.

I think your wife would have cleaned out ALL the joint savings account if she was absolutely certain about trying to destroy you or hurt you as much as possible. So perhaps a chink of light there.

As others have said in more detail, you need a solicitor. But you also need to find your wife, no matter how difficult : there can only be a certain number of friends/relations who can be possibilities for her to stay with ( another option is to send her a heartfelt letter via her solicitor) . And you need to see  a counsellor because it's not over till you both sit down together and see if it can be fixed-----worse situations have been overcome with a willingness to compromise and change aspects of life which are not right.

Have a friend to help you through all this and don't brood alone. 

I wish you return to this forum in due course to tell us about a happy couple with a lovely baby.

Gavin83

Richard1212 said:

Such a sad, all too common story ( especially when marrying so young )-----and you have my sympathies. You must be at an all-time low, and I very much hope things improve soon, especially as an unborn child is involved.

And the posts so far show the caring face of this forum which is never seen on certain other Boards.

I think your wife would have cleaned out ALL the joint savings account if she was absolutely certain about trying to destroy you or hurt you as much as possible. So perhaps a chink of light there.

As others have said in more detail, you need a solicitor. But you also need to find your wife, no matter how difficult : there can only be a certain number of friends/relations who can be possibilities for her to stay with ( another option is to send her a heartfelt letter via her solicitor) . And you need to see  a counsellor because it's not over till you both sit down together and see if it can be fixed-----worse situations have been overcome with a willingness to compromise and change aspects of life which are not right.

Have a friend to help you through all this and don't brood alone. 

I wish you return to this forum in due course to tell us about a happy couple with a lovely baby.

You need to be careful with this advice. If the OP is too pushy it’s likely to drive her away further or in a worst case scenario she might go to the police and file a harassment claim. If she did that it would make any future divorce or custody court cases that little bit more difficult.

Richard1212

Gavin83 said:

Richard1212 said:

Such a sad, all too common story ( especially when marrying so young )-----and you have my sympathies. You must be at an all-time low, and I very much hope things improve soon, especially as an unborn child is involved.

And the posts so far show the caring face of this forum which is never seen on certain other Boards.

I think your wife would have cleaned out ALL the joint savings account if she was absolutely certain about trying to destroy you or hurt you as much as possible. So perhaps a chink of light there.

As others have said in more detail, you need a solicitor. But you also need to find your wife, no matter how difficult : there can only be a certain number of friends/relations who can be possibilities for her to stay with ( another option is to send her a heartfelt letter via her solicitor) . And you need to see  a counsellor because it's not over till you both sit down together and see if it can be fixed-----worse situations have been overcome with a willingness to compromise and change aspects of life which are not right.

Have a friend to help you through all this and don't brood alone. 

I wish you return to this forum in due course to tell us about a happy couple with a lovely baby.

You need to be careful with this advice. If the OP is too pushy it’s likely to drive her away further or in a worst case scenario she might go to the police and file a harassment claim. If she did that it would make any future divorce or custody court cases that little bit more difficult.

I don't think my suggestions are likely to lead to any escalation. After all, my main message was "yes, you need a solicitor ---but you need a friend and also a counsellor---and you need to contact your wife perhaps via a heartfelt letter via her solicitor".

theoretica

Would the bank give you the mortgage in your name that would be needed to get the flat into your name alone?

Brie

If she isn't Canadian how is she going to work when she moves to Canada?  If she is Canadian but hasn't lived there for several years she's unlikely to be able to claim any sort of benefits.  Will her family support her financially?  Including paying for lawyers etc???

Yes she could leave your name off the birth certificate no matter where the baby is born.  You could try to push the issue and demand a DNA test to prove you're the father I believe but it may be difficult if she's in another country to enforce anything at all.  

MalMonroe

iwillcomebackstronger said:

TBagpuss said:

Very difficult position to be in. 

One small comfort is that with the new rules, if she has just issued the divorce application there is a 20 week waiting period before she can apply for the conditional order, so there is a bit of time to breathe and to see whether she is open to considering couples counselling etc.

Sadly however if she has decided she doesn't want to be married any more you can't force her to change her mind. 

I agree that it would be sensible to get some advice - particularly with regard to the baby and implications if she does decide that she wants to go to Canada for the both or permanently.

If the baby had already been born, then she could not take them out of the UK, or move them to live in another country, without your agreement, however, as far as I know, there is nothing to stop her moving to Canada before the baby is born and if it is born in Canada and she is living there (i.e. she declares it's her domicile rather than her just being visiting) then I think Canadian rather than UK law would apply - I think the law is similar to hear but it might mean that any court proceedings about contact took place there rather than here. You may want to try to find a solicitor who has usual qualifications here and in the relevant Canadian province if you think that she may return there.

It's bog standard to include in the divorce that you will be applying for a financial order - it doesn't mean she's actually starting a court application right now, just reserving the right to do so.

Normally, you'd work through solicitors to try to come to an agreement and then send an agreed order to the court later in the divorce process.

I’m assuming she’d want to leave for Canada, as she mentioned about 8 months ago I would like to give birth in Canada in order to give child dual citizenship (British and Canadian ) so they have an option in the future. So I’m just connecting the dots. If she was to go Canada it would mean she would overstay her visa ( as she will be going on a tourist visa ) 
she’s not Eligible for British yet as she needs another 2 years for that. 

The child is a massive factor in this  and I hope I can get an opportunity to be a father and in its life. 

I have an appointment with a solicitor next week for a consultation and I have many questions where I don’t know where to start.  

Is there a chance she can refuse to put my name on the child’s birth certificate ? 

I need to respond to the email for the divorce by a certain date. Will it be bad if I don’t respond as I want to weight my options with getting legal advice. 

If she decides to stay can the court rule the home gets awarded to the mother considering she already left the family home and the child is yet to be born. 

Do I need a solicitor or can I act for myself ?

and lastly not sure if anyone can shed some light on this, do women when pregnant tend to make rash decisions ? 

Hi, I'm not sure if any women have yet commented here yet but it doesn't seem like it. From your first post, as a woman, I feel that you may have a tendency to be controlling as well as judgemental, i.e. "she knew I wasn’t keen on her behaviour the last 18months or so as it felt like she was putting these specific female friend before our relationship. It felt as if she was trying to re-live her youth days she never experienced". What about what she thought of your behaviour?

Sadly, again speaking from the female point of view, I don't think that your wife is committed to your relationship and wants to get out of it - and also out of the country - before the child is born. I also don't think she will want the British home to be awarded to her because from what you've said it appears that she isn't interested. She will not need a tourist visa as she's still a Canadian citizen. Wherever her child is born, it will have dual nationality because of his/her parentage.

You ask - "I need to respond to the email for the divorce by a certain date. Will it be bad if I don’t respond as I want to weigh my options with getting legal advice."

Yes, it will be bad and if you don't respond it will be taken as an indication of your indifference. At least respond to notify them that you want to weigh your options.

Because your case is going to be more complex than a usual British divorce, I really would employ a solicitor if I were you.

And I, as a woman who has been through a pregnancy myself, can categorically state that no, we definitely do not make rash decisions when pregnant. In fact, in my own experience, pregnancy was one of the most pragmatic times of my life. I thought only of and about the welfare of my child. As your wife is doing now. She's not being rash. She's obviously had enough. I'm really sorry to say that because I've also been through a divorce which, although acrimonious at the time, led to my ex and I now being able to communicate with each other in a civil and courteous manner. It's much better to be accommodating, in my own experience.

Your wife's actions are not explained by her being a rash and silly pregnant person. I believe it's much deeper than that and she's totally unhappy with her marriage. She must be, or she would not be wanting to flee the country.

This is just my opinion, from a woman's point of view. Not intended to make you feel bad but more hoping to help you think about things from another perspective. 

I wish you all the very best for whatever the future holds for all of you.

MalMonroe

theoretica said:

Would the bank give you the mortgage in your name that would be needed to get the flat into your name alone?

I think that's moot as, from what the OP has said, I don't believe this wife wants any part of a life in the UK.  

But I think that'd be the worst and most spiteful thing the OP could do. Hopefully no bank would do that. 

theoretica

Brie said:

If she isn't Canadian how is she going to work when she moves to Canada?  If she is Canadian but hasn't lived there for several years she's unlikely to be able to claim any sort of benefits.  Will her family support her financially?  Including paying for lawyers etc???

Yes she could leave your name off the birth certificate no matter where the baby is born.  You could try to push the issue and demand a DNA test to prove you're the father I believe but it may be difficult if she's in another country to enforce anything at all.  

But will she want child maintenance?  Denying the OP's fatherhood would presumably have consequences there.

tightauldgit

Brie said:

If she isn't Canadian how is she going to work when she moves to Canada?  If she is Canadian but hasn't lived there for several years she's unlikely to be able to claim any sort of benefits.  Will her family support her financially?  Including paying for lawyers etc???

Yes she could leave your name off the birth certificate no matter where the baby is born.  You could try to push the issue and demand a DNA test to prove you're the father I believe but it may be difficult if she's in another country to enforce anything at all.  

From what I can see of the circumstances if the father is left off the birth certificate then the baby is maybe not going to have UK citizenship so maybe unlikely?

There's always ways and means to get your parental rights established but it might become a more expensive/drawn out process if you are dealing with the law overseas. 

 

elsien

tightauldgit said:

Brie said:

If she isn't Canadian how is she going to work when she moves to Canada?  If she is Canadian but hasn't lived there for several years she's unlikely to be able to claim any sort of benefits.  Will her family support her financially?  Including paying for lawyers etc???

Yes she could leave your name off the birth certificate no matter where the baby is born.  You could try to push the issue and demand a DNA test to prove you're the father I believe but it may be difficult if she's in another country to enforce anything at all.  

From what I can see of the circumstances if the father is left off the birth certificate then the baby is maybe not going to have UK citizenship so maybe unlikely?

There's always ways and means to get your parental rights established but it might become a more expensive/drawn out process if you are dealing with the law overseas. 

 

If they are married, then under UK law there is a presumption the husband is a the father unless this is disproved. Being married automatically gives him parental responsibility.