KMNs diary - curbing spending and maximising saving with a new baby

southern_chick

You are doing an amazing job. Do not feel guilty about going over to formula if it works for you. FED is best xx

Blackcats

Congratulations!
When I was grappling about switching my first baby over to formula milk my mum reassured me that when the children all line up for the first day at school no-one will know who was breast fed, who was potty trained first, who walked first, who talked first etc etc
i found it helpful if I wobbled when other mums appeared to have such amazing babies.

kiss_me_now9

@scandimore I’m so glad you said that… I am definitely bored. I’m so used to going mile a minute, getting things done at the weekend, always thinking about the next thing and now I’m pumping every three hours and working my way through every episode of Homes Under the Hammer on iPlayer. The cuddles are lovely and we’ve been doing skin on skin first thing in the morning but then he hates moving off of me to go get dressed (I was there for two hours this morning) and it feels terribly mean to take him out of his warm, snuggly sleep to start our day. 

I’ve seen one of my mum friends, planning to see another later on this week and my sister is visiting next weekend (she has two under 3). 

We’ve not ‘had’ to use the formula yet as my mum has been down and able to give me a bit of a hand whilst I pump every time he feeds but she goes back tomorrow and my OH only works from home at the back end of the week so I don’t know how realistic it is to pump at 3 hourly intervals in the day if it’s just me looking after him. BFing is still very painful and I honestly dread the morning and evening feeds I’ve kept in but I just can’t cut them at the moment - it feels so wrong Even though he tries to eat for an hour and still needs a top up from a bottle after shredding my nipples for that time! I know there’s no logic to that

It’s not been a great week in terms of money saving, I spent £50 in Boots and £80 in Tesco over the past 3 days with just random bits and bobs. I think because I spent basically nothing for the first three weeks of the month from being in hospital and not needing to get much my brain has gone “Ohh, that bank account looks healthy!” So I’ve been a little less strict on what I should be buying… 

@Blackcats quite right. In fact I was formula feed from birth and my sister was breast fed (my mum was advised against breast feeding me due to repeated mastitis infections). I am the more awesome sister of course

kiss_me_now9

My first maternity pay cheque has come through... bloody hell. I knew it was going to be small but I didn't think it would be that small! We're definitely not entitled to claim any child benefits either (but will do the non-claim route to keep my NI payments etc. up). Very frustrating as whilst we aren't scrimping and watching every penny we're certainly not millionaires, have a modest house with no debt because we've both worked hard for our careers. Makes me wonder how anyone manages if they're worse off than us! Especially single parents. 

kiss_me_now9

I think I’ve lost all concept of time and date, it feels like three months since I wrote on here when in reality it’s barely 3 weeks. 

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and asking opinions of different people - mums and non-mums - about the feeding issue. Baby boy (BB) is now slightly better with his latch and feeding but has thrush which is taking a while to clear and has caused my left nipple in particular to become very sensitive so whilst feeding is improving slightly it’s still E difficult. He still takes a long time to get his ‘fill’ from the breast and often comes off looking sleepy but ultimately waking up crying for more within 15 minutes. Fine when I’m at home and not planning to leave the house (except the repeated latching causing soreness) but not great when you’re out and about. The positive is that he is now latching better though and it’s much less painful for me from that point of view. We’ve had some specialist breast feeding advice from a local charity who’ve advised on how to position him properly this morning which has also helped (I was holding him too far ahead of my breast rather than getting his head tilted back). 

The problem we’re having now is that if I don’t breast feed, I need to pump and if I pump when it’s just me and him in the house I can’t attend to his needs if he’s awake (he’s now starting to get more alert). I’ve considered getting a more hands free pump as my current one has bottles and tubes on the outside of the bra but they are at least £140 for one that would be good enough and I don’t want to spend that if my final decision is that breast feeding isn’t working and therefore pumping isn’t working. The problem with carrying on pumping but not breast feeding is that whilst he will get breast milk, it doesn’t free me up in any way - I know motherhood is about sacrifice but with pumping I’d need to be pumping every 3 to 4 hours and storing the milk somehow which means if we, for example wanted to go and meet my parents at a National Trust property near their house I’d have problems. 

One thing that may be causing a problem which I cannot solve is I think I have quite a quick let down and flow. As my friend pointed out, you wouldn’t want to have a hamburger shoved in your face at full force so perhaps this is why he prefers bottles (we do paced feeding)!

I’ve given myself an ultimatum that if I’m not significantly happier by the 1st May with his breast feeding to decide which way we go. By then he’ll be 8 weeks old and I should have a bit more of a freezer stash ready to add to for switching over to formula if I choose to do that. I think it’s a choice between going completely to formula or breast feeding during the day, pumping once or twice when my husband is home from work at night and bottle feeding him those for his midnight/3am feed. 

Bit of a brain dump of the pros and cons of each option:

Formula -
Pros:
Easy to make up, can prep a couple of bottles as needed and chill to feed (BB is happy to drink chilled milk from the fridge) 
When going out can still make up bottles outside the house or take liquid milk bottles to decant easily
Know exactly how much he’s getting 
No need to supplement Vitamin D
Anyone can feed him
Reduced problems for both of us related to breast feeding - thrush, mastitis/blocked ducts etc.
He appears to enjoy and feel full off of bottles
Less pain for me
Less pressure/anxiety about feeding him outside the house for me
Much quicker to feed him (takes about 20 minutes per bottle)

Cons:
Increased risk of illness with formula
Has to be made up ahead of time
Difficult to transport if going away for a long day due to storing it appropriately
No health ‘benefits’ associated with breast milk (no transferring of antibodies etc.)
Cost implications - £12.50 at present for 1.2kg of formula which if we were feeding him solely on would last us perhaps a week if we’re lucky.
Would need to wean my supply down so not an instant solution
Feels very ‘final’
Not what I originally said I wanted when having him
Already have a pump which I paid £200 for which would no longer be used (however could be used in future or sold)

Breast feeding/pumping - 
Pros: 
Always available if I’m around
Provides him with comfort (? Or so they say - he doesn’t particularly seem fussed about whether he’s eating from a nipple or a bottle)
Sterile and clean - no concerns about illness from milk (Except… thrush…)
Health benefits of antibodies/milk adapting to his needs
In theory he should be getting what he needs from each feed without issue
Free unless I get a second more wearable pump (though if I did this I could either use this again if we have a second baby or sell it) 
Feels ‘biologically right’ and helps us bond 

Cons: 
I feel anxious/uneasy/uncomfortable feeding him from the breast in public 
I’m not sure I want to feed him from the breast - doesn’t feel like an ‘absolute must’ any more
He takes 45+ minutes each feed if not longer - and may want more after
No-one else can feed him and if we go away would need to build up a supply for someone else to give him
Have to be able to pump during day if latch is still not good
Painful for my nipples and increased possibility of problems such as mastitis 
Although cost of milk is free still need to buy nipple balms/creams which cost about the same as a tub of formula and last about the same amount of time
Would need to supplement with vitamin D
Causing me significant stress and anxiety about whether he’s had enough/how often he’ll want to feed/my 
I don’t enjoy night time breast feeding - especially as he’s variable in length of time to complete a feed (the times I have done night time feeds from the breast he’s either been done in 10 minutes or he’s taken over an hour and not settled after)

Clear as mud It’s so frustrating because on the outside objectively if it was one of my friends I’d totally say move to formula completely, fed is best and a happy mum is a happy baby but internally it feels like the whole world would implode if I make the wrong one.

rugbymadfamily

Hello, have just read your diary and mainly wanted to comment on the breast / bottle fed as am currently going through a similar dilemma.....except my 4 week old baby has very very rarely latched and so I'm only really expressing but am supplementing with formula as cannot express enough to keep him full (he's a bug baby with a big appetite!). It's such a tough decision and I'm also struggling with pumping every few hours as it makes me feel attached to the machine constantly. I have no solution for you, but agree with every pro and con of both that you have listed!

Think you are doing the right thing setting yourself a deadline though in that it means you know you've given it a really good go (and you've certainly been more successful than me by actually succeeding in doing a good amount of breastfeeding!). I do feel that I am missing that binding with him, but the benefit is that my husband is doing about half of the feeds so he is getting lots of bonding time that he wouldn't get if I were breastfeeding so I am trying to see the positive in that instead of the negative in me missing some!

Anyway, long message but you have to do what's right for both you and your baby, not what's right for other people.

MissRikkiC

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time both with what’s happening but also what you want to do moving forward. I want to offer my support but having not had similar issues I likely haven’t got anything which would help you, instead I’d just sound like smug mum and that wouldn’t be my intention. That said, I can help if you wanted to try a hands free pump. I have one which whilst has a few defects; they don’t affect its use. I’m not using it and have another pump I occasionally use instead so I’d not be without and I wouldn’t want anything from you for it. Especially not if actually it works out and means you’re able to breastfeed for longer if that’s what you choose. Please let me know if I can help in this way. 

Sending solidarity to you Mumma, my boy is now 11 months and still feeding all through the night. I’ve just gone back to work this week in an entirely new, senior position and doing it on less sleep will be my biggest challenge yet as in my ‘spare time’ I have my 2.9 year old to entertain. You’ve got this whatever you choose to do. 

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry you are having such problems with your DS and whichever method of feeding you use he will be fine.  He will already have got some antibodies given you have been breast feeding up until now.  I bf my first for about 9 months but the second for only 6 weeks.  My DD2 bottle fed both hers from birth as they were prem and took to the bottle easier and she could see how much they were getting.  They are both fine and bottle feeding is so much easier now with these perfect prep machines pretty much producing bottles almost instantly.  As you said you can also share the load. 

kiss_me_now9

@rugbymadfamily my little one's latch has been poor right from the start, I don't remember feeding him when he was born and we were giving him colostrum from syringes from the afternoon of the first day he was here because he wouldn't latch on properly, and when he did he was taking 1.5 - 2 hours to feed (as he lost 11% of his weight in the first few days we were told to feed him every 3 hours from the start of a feed - which on one day was giving me an hour interval in between feeds!). Since his tongue tie was cut he's definitely improved - he'll latch on properly 7 times out of 10 now whereas before it was extremely painful for me and most of the time he was not latched anywhere near properly - but he's still really unsettled when breast feeding and rarely comes off satisfied. Tends to take about an hour or longer to come off naturally which is killing my nipples when he then wants to go back on half an hour later! He also spills a lot of milk outside of his mouth which makes feeding in public a really unattractive prospect (not to mention that actually I don't want to breast feed him in public...) It just isn't practical for us and all that's happening is I'm getting sore and frustrated, dreading the next feed and he's getting upset because he's not feeling full/satisfied/happy from his feed. I also realised last night that I don't want to the only person who can feed him, and I don't want to be fighting with this for the next x amount of months because quite frankly it's robbing me of all my joy at the moment. 

I've also never breast fed him over night, the plan always was to do bottles over night so we've done that since early on (well, the plan was actually to breast feed him completely for the first month or so but life had other ideas!). Getting up now in the night to pump feels like a massive chore. I've found pumping a double edged sword, on the one hand it makes me feel happy that I know that I'm giving him some breast milk and I get a fair bit off most pumping sessions but like you say on the other it's a complete tie, worse than breast or bottle feeding for keeping you locked down really, and even wearable pumps aren't exactly practical for going out and about as a family. 

I think today has really cemented my decision to go to formula completely. Today I woke up with strong intentions of breast feeding all day, started out strong with a session at 11 (my OH gave him a bottle before he left for work at 8am to let me sleep a little more so I pumped at 8:30 when I woke up) and he fed off and on until half 12. Put him down to shower and by the time I'd got back he was crying again, changed his nappy and put him back on the boob at 1 ish and he fed again for another hour or so. He fell asleep again and woke up within 15 minutes hungry crying so I gave him a small bottle and he's now been asleep and settled for over an hour. At the end of the day we just want what's best for our little ones don't we.

@MissRikkiC absolutely not a smug mum, I'm glad it worked for you! If I'm honest I think there's pros and cons to however you feed your baby - if you do bottles you have to sterilise it and make it up ahead of time, plan ahead etc. but if you do exclusive breast feeding then you are the only person who can feed them and you have to be 'on' all the time for it. I must admit the idea of still breast feeding in 7 months time is also a very daunting and unattractive prospect for me so I think the decision to stop now is the right one for me. I totally admire people who can persevere and make it work though! Thank you for the offer of the wearable pump, I think honestly it would just be a bit of a sticking plaster solution for the inevitable. It's incredibly kind of you to offer though! 

@enthusiasticsaver thank you for the kind words, I'm not sure if I said on here but I was actually completely bottle fed as my Mum wasn't able to breast feed me. She managed to breast feed my sister but was very prone to mastitis so didn't even start with me - and I turned out ok I think! That's what is annoying me the most about this whole thing, I know on paper it makes absolutely no difference in the long run and if you lined up a whole host of kids of any age you can't tell who was breast fed and formula fed but when you're in it it feels monumental. 

Speaking to my friend yesterday, she made a very good point that once I've made a decision and got into a routine with it, I'll have so much more headspace to think of other things! And then maybe this diary can get back to being about money?

So, in honour of that, at roughly the middle of the month I have roughly half my paycheque left. I'm hoping to make it to the end of the month with a little bit left (my CC is covered already and I've put a small amount in my savings account at the start of the month). I have spent a little too much on random days though so I need to be more careful with meeting friends at cafes (I probably could make do with a cup of tea and a packaged biscuit item rather than a latte, cake and sandwich...) and popping into T3sco! 

mark_cycling00

We had a crap time until we went 25% formula. Baby wouldn't gain weight or sleep or do decent poos.

First bottle and he went ragdoll milk drunk with the biggest smile on his face and slept for 2 hours. 

It's great that society is not anti breastfeeding, but we shouldn't be anti formula either.

Mother needs to repair her body too, so a little help with creating baby nutrition can be really useful.