KMNs diary - curbing spending and maximising saving with a new baby

ellenvan

Have I read somewhere that it is worth making more pension contributions to bring you under the child benefit limit?

kiss_me_now9

ellenvan said:

Have I read somewhere that it is worth making more pension contributions to bring you under the child benefit limit?

I'm not sure, something we can definitely look into! 

I've got my payslip for the month of February today and I have to say I am slightly disappointed. I picked up two extra days (weekends) last minute in January which were supposed to be paid at an enhanced rate of £35 and £40 per hour. On my payslip they're listed as £29 and £32 an hour. So my actual take home pay for the month is only about £190 more than it would have been if I'd not done those days; and our normal weekend rate is £20 an hour anyway! I was expecting around £300 more after tax. Very irritating. I also seem to have been paid only £30 for two days of maternity leave (I am currently on annual leave until the end of the week technically as I had so much left to take). I am not great with numbers or complicated financial things so it's possible there's a very reasonable explanation. I've emailed our admin lady and asked her about it. 

Today I need to go and get diesel in my car, as well as pick up a couple of fresh bits from the supermarket - we did a massive online order last week but it was largely freezer and cupboard essentials to stock up with for when the baby comes. I'm going to pull some bits out of the freezer today and make something like this for tea https://www.annabelandgrace.com/chicken-pie/ but with some frozen vegan chicken breasts we have in. Shouldn't hopefully need to spend more than £10 but the supermarket I'm going to has adorable baby clothes so... we'll see! 

beanielou

You will get LOTS of clothes in presents 

kiss_me_now9

beanielou said:

You will get LOTS of clothes in presents 

We’ve got hundreds of baby grows and newborn to 6 months clothes already so we’ve specifically asked for no clothes if possible. I was very restrained and just picked up one outfit which I’m hoping will be their going home outfit. We have inherited a lot of stuff from friends and relatives who’ve just had babies in the last year but nothing really personal to us or brand new so I couldn’t resist it  

‘Chicken’ pie is in, hopefully it tastes good as OH is working late and has had a stressful day with a new program launch today. Another nearly 12 hour day for him but hopefully it means he can have Friday afternoon after our midwife appointment off, I’m planning to book us into the restaurant we love if I can. Bit spendy but it’s a nice treat and we won’t be able to go once we have the baby as it’s the most inaccessible place ever not to mention it’s very small, cramped and we won’t have the time or money!

beanielou

Enjoy your last meal out as two 

kiss_me_now9

Well the last meal out didn’t happen… my waters started to break on Friday morning so we were in triage and then on the maternity unit from 5pm that Friday evening. Baby boy was born on Monday 27th February after a fairly horrible 26 hour long induced labour which was everything I didn’t want for us. Baby shower cancelled as we stayed in hospital for a week after his birth due to baby boy having recurrent jaundice and feeding issues.

We’ve been home since Sunday and are starting to get into a routine but I am struggling with low mood and motivation to do anything. I’ve been referred to the mental health midwives but it’s a bit of a wait. Sleep wise baby boy is very good and doesn’t wake us up too much but it’s a big change and I really wasn’t prepared for him to make an entrance yet!

CRANKY40

Congratulations! Don't worry about mood or motivation. It's normal to cry at adverts on the telly after you've had a baby and for the first 6 weeks any time my husband asked if I wanted anything I sent him to the supermarket for doughnuts as I didn't have the time or energy to eat anything else. People kept turning up with presents and at the risk of sounding ungrateful I was actually too tired to remember who bought what and when. 

My son arrived 3 weeks early - we forgot to take the camera with us as the book said contractions would be 15 minutes apart and mine were every 3 minutes so I thought it was food poisoning so there aren't any photos of him as a newborn (18 years ago last November so no smart phone). If I were you I would also be slightly sour at missing the last decent meal that you planned. PTSD from labour is also a thing (it took me a long time to discover that and I won't bother you with my birth story) and for every person that has an easy labour (my sister, 45 minutes no stitches) there is another person vowing that their child will be an only child. Mine is - there was no way I was going through that again. So much for my mother telling the younger me that "you forget about labour once you have the baby". 

If anyone offers to do something to help you tell them "yes please" even if it's doing the laundry or ironing. Your job is to stay comfortable, do as little as possible and get to know your baby. Labour and birth needs time to recover from. It's like having major surgery if it's a bad labour except someone hands you a baby to look after straight away once your operation is over. Biggest hugs and take it as easy as you can.

beanielou

Congratulations on the new arrival.
Things do get easier.
My DS was 4 weeks early.

kiss_me_now9

@CRANKY40 you’ve taken the words right out of my mouth - I’m sad that I didn’t get the labour I wanted (though lets be real, who does?) but also really sad and upset that I had so many plans for these weeks and so much I wanted to do with my OH that feels impossible now. None of it is impossible - we’ll go to nice restaurants again, we’ll go places just the two of us again, we’ll have time alone again but right now it feels like I’ve been robbed of that. I’m so incredibly lucky to have a healthy baby and one that is pretty happy at that (no issues at present with colic, reflux, sleeps fairly well at night and is a cheerful little soul) but that’s time I’ll never get back. I’ve been having some flashbacks to the labour as well which is exhausting but hopefully the MH team will call soon and I can start to put it behind me. 

OH is in overdrive doing everything he can around the house atm which is making me sad as well because I only have him around for another week, trouble is both of us aren’t ‘sit down and do nothing’ people, we like a tidy house and to be up and doing things. Most days I go to bed feeling that I’ve wasted the day in some way. I know I haven’t, I’ve spent the day looking after and caring for my son but it’s a hard habit to break when you’re someone who’s used to a fast paced job and running around like a whirling dervish. We’ve got family coming down at the weekend and I’m going to ask them to help sort out the back bedroom which was my big maternity leave project that I kept putting off, it’s an absolute tip that needs sorting because my mum is staying once my OH goes back to work and otherwise she’ll have nowhere to sleep  

Thanks @beanielou. I was never one for big changes - or if I’m honest little changes - and right now it feels like my world has been upended. I knew it would be hard but I never thought it would be this hard! 

On a MSE front, at least I’ve not been out spending money and I’ve got the deposit for the hall we hired for our baby shower back so that’s £100 saved.

CRANKY40

Some people do get the perfect labour but you and I just weren't those people. There are online groups for labour/birth PTSD so it might be good to discuss it with people who have gone through the same recently. I'm a "doing" person too and I had a section so I couldn't drive for 5 weeks. Having to ask to be taken anywhere was horrible too. Small targets could be your friend here then? Every morning make yourself a list of things that you would like to do. Aim low - I went back to work so that I could drink coffee while it was hot....Make some of the things about you. Have a shower and get dressed are good ones too, lol. Part of you feels like you should just be grateful that you and the baby are here and healthy. It took me a while to figure out that I had a right to be unhappy as well as relieved that the baby was here. 

Maybe you two could go for a meal while your mum is here? I went to visit my sister when my first nephew was 5 weeks old. My sister woke me at 7am, handed me a baby and said "Here, I've fed him, I'm going back to bed" 🤣 Your mum is probably a safe person to have a moan to - mine complained that she missed her breakfast when she went into labour with me. She was still complaining about it 10 years later so obviously that wasn't in her birth plan 😂