KMNs diary - curbing spending and maximising saving with a new baby

enthusiasticsaver

Congratulations on the birth of your son.

 I didn’t get perfect labours either although they were quick. Lots of intervention and second one pre term  due to me suffering with pre eclampsia although I dodged the Caesarian bullet. My DD2 had 2 Caesarians, 1 emergency and 1 planned again due to pre eclampsia and again a month early. My DD and her husband suffered PTSD after her first due to the way it was handled. She spoke to the hospital afterwards to discuss but it only reinforced her decision for a planned caesarean for her 2nd. I don’t have any confidence in maternity services here now as there seem to be lots of women who are unhappy with their labour experiences. 
  

It is difficult to have a tidy organised house when a new baby arrives mainly due to the paraphernalia they seem to need and the amount of time needed just to feed and change and comfort them all on minimal sleep. It gets better is all I can say and one day in the not too distant future you will hardly remember how you feel now. Do see the doctor if you are really struggling. My DD said she just wasn’t prepared for how much her life would change and I think most of us have been there. They bring lots of joy too though. 

kiss_me_now9

Thank you all for your thoughts and experiences. I guess right now we are in the very beginning stages of everything - constant feeding and nappy changes and very few rare moments of joy if I’m honest. His feeding is really difficult, either he wolfs a bottle down in 15 minutes which will have taken me half an hour to express or he sits on the boob for over an hour and falls asleep, then cries when he’s taken off of it. I have plans to go to a local breast feeding support group on Wednesday to see if there are any suggestions as he only latches in one position and it’s quite painful even with a shield but I can’t see how expressing every 3 hours is practical if it’s just me at home with him when my OH goes back to work next week. It feels as well like we’ve had a barrage of healthcare visitors coming round every day (midwives came round every day except Thursday last week, and health visitor and midwife coming today) so not a lot of time to just be us as a unit. OH is insisting that this time is best used tidying and sorting out bits in the house we didn’t get round to before baby appeared and it makes me sad that we don’t know how to use his tiny amount of paternity leave properly. And at the back of my mind I know I’ve got it relatively easy - he’s not overly fussy, rarely sicks up, doesn’t seem to have any problems with colic or reflux etc. which some babies get, I have a good milk supply and can get a decent amount off if I express.

Anyway. Enough rambling. We’re hoping to go for a walk today but it’s very windy down here and OH is convinced the pram will blow away so may skip that. I did not estimate how many packs of wipes we’d go through - I wanted to get some reusable ones but that was on the baby shower wish list and that’s gone by the by now so I’ll look into buying a few packs today I think. 

CRANKY40

This time is not best spent tidying your house. Let him do it if he must but your time is best spent sat on the sofa getting to know your baby. The breast feeding group sounds like a good idea, remember to have a drink every time that you sit down to feed or as my aunty (retired now but a midwife) used to say "one glass out and one glass in".  Also remember that the baby eats what you eat and as discovered by my friend, an indian curry and lager gives the baby really bad wind 💨

You could give your OH a specific job. My late husband worked away but was home for the first 5 months of having our House Troll so he did bathtime every night. It might give you half an hour to have a quick nap or just some time to yourself. You're thinking that you have it relatively easy but it's only easy if it feels that way and it doesn't feel easy to you just now. Don't assume that because your baby isn't crying all the hours of the day you should be happy. Learning to look after another whole person is hard work, especially with all of those baby hormones still rampaging through your body. 

kiss_me_now9

OH went out for a few hours today as he had the dentist so I took little man for a walk and popped into Tesco. I grabbed a hot chocolate from Costa on the way back as a treat - not very MSE but I remembered to take my reusable cup so got two beans and now just need 3 more before I get a free hot drink. Little man unfortunately was very upset and unsettled all the way around, despite being fed and changed before we went out. When we got back he fed for over 2 hours and I think if my OH hadn’t returned to take him off me would still be going now! He’s now fast asleep on OHs chest as he just wouldn’t settle on me. 

We’ve got left over curry that we’ll make a fried rice with tonight which should be nice. 

We’ve decided as well that it’s worth looking at getting me a new car, I currently have a Toyota Yaris and whilst it’s a good little thing the pram only just fits in the boot and you have to take the parcel shelf off. The bassinet has to go on the passenger seat next to the car seat and it doesn’t fit there very well so I’m always worried if we go round a corner too fast or something happens it’ll fly all around the place. There’s room for the nappy bag in one of the footwells but absolutely nothing else if there’s all 3 of us in the car. We talked briefly about taking out a small loan to help me get a different car but I don’t want to do that on the pitiful amount of maternity pay that I’ll receive. So we’ll either try and make it work until I go back to work next April (!) or we’ll just figure something else out. 

beanielou

I had a Micra when my DS was wee 

kiss_me_now9

beanielou said:

I had a Micra when my DS was wee 

Ha, we probably can manage and it’s definitely not a ‘need’ but it just means if I’m on my own (OH travels for work two to four times a year, sometimes taking his own car which is bigger) that I’d struggle. I also don’t like that the pram chassis overhangs the back of the passenger seats and anything else we want to take has to go on the seat next to little man - it worries me that if we did get a crash it’d all end up on him We’ve decided we’ll see how it goes for a little longer as we can swap cars for the time being and then if it’s still an issue when I go back to work I’ll look into something different. 

Aspiration

I can relate on alot of your diary, myself and my wife went through very similar experiences.

It’s tough when they’re young, we found the lack of sleep was the hardest part and just took it in turns.

wr ended up with a golf when we had one and it was a great car. With two kids it was tighter but certainly manageable and a nice size car to drive. My wife didn’t want anything too big and with relatively limited funds they were great value. 

Have fun and enjoy it as much as you can and take as much pressure off of yourself as you can.

kiss_me_now9

If I’m honest at the moment the worst part is figuring out how is best to feed him - I’m pretty good on interrupted sleep and little man seems to have settled into a pattern of 3.5 to 4 hour stretches at night so I’m getting a couple of those as OH is much more of an early riser and doing the 4am feed. Haven’t mastered napping in the day yet! Feeding on the other hand is a bit of a nightmare at the moment. His latch is terrible despite having his tongue tie cut and he’s really variable, so its causing me a lot of discomfort, pain and stress when I try to feed him from the breast. I’ve been pumping but it’s difficult to sustain and build up enough during the day to feed him from just that alone. Trouble is I feel so guilty for going over to formula and stopping breast feeding.  

beanielou

DO NOT feel guilty for going over to formula.
It sounds as if it may be best for both of you.
Breast is only best if it works for both of you.
Be kind to yourself.

scandimore

Hi KMN, congratulations on the new arrival. Reading your words is reminding me just how I felt in the early weeks, I wasn't a fan of the tiny baby stage as much as I loved the cuddles it is boring. Sounds awful to say but true! Also took me a while to get over a difficult birth, put me off having another.
OH and I went to buy a car as we had a crash when little one was a few months old (luckily we were all ok) and we were so sleep deprived we bought a car and then realised the car seat wouldn't fit in, so we had to go rush to J0hn Lws to buy a new carseat, don't make the same mistake will you  
Child benefit wise I understand the salary "cap" is calculated once pension taken out rather than gross salary, so even though my OH on over £50K we still receive it.
I found it helpful to try and get out most days in the early days, even if it takes hours and is then completely an underwhelming experience, it's easy to feel disconnected and lonely at home. Once I met some nice mum friends we would meet for coffee and cake and moan at each other and it was nice! Have you seen any of your mum friends?
Hope you start to feel better soon xx