Advice on paying partner’s mortgage

Edi81

From a relationship view he sounds like a Richard! 

From a financial view - don't pay anything to the mortgage. Split the bills, food etc and put the money you are saving versus your rent into a savings account of your own - something he doesn't have access to. 

jimmyjammy001

Sounds like you are making all the compromises and sacrifices here and got to pay for it all to, I'd be off, these are red flags. as a minimum you should both move into a rented property half way between your homes and then split all bills, it's all one sided, he benefits the most here. 

MFWannabe

ThisIsWeird said:

zoe_r15 said:

He then wants to split the mortgage and bills 50/50. He also wants me to sign an agreement to say I do not have a stake in his house if we were to split. 

I have said I am not comfortable paying his mortgage when he’s using that to build equity, especially when he can kick me out at any time, and I’ve done all the sacrificing of losing my lovely (rented) flat and doing a horrible commute everyday. 

So I suggested that I will pay 50% of bills, groceries etc., but I could match the amount he pays into a mortgage and put that in a savings account for our deposit on the next house. However he is not happy with that arrangement and is insisting I pay him half the mortgage every month. 

I don’t know what else to suggest that feels fair on both of us? 

There are regular threads coming up on here on this type of issue. But rarely has the OP also laid out the obvious answer, so succinctly, in their post :-) I agree with you.

I think one way to look at this is, when your relationship develops to its hopeful conclusion - presumably you get married and then share everything 50:50 - all this will be moot. Everything you have, and everything he has, will be shared. And none of your financial arrangements up until then will have any bearing on this, as far as I can see.

The situation will be different, however, if you split up before then. He will retain the benefit of the reduced mortgage payments up to that point, and you will have relatively nothing. If you split up, he will still have a roof over his head, whereas you will be starting off again.

Yes, split every other 'living' bill 50:50 - food, energy, council tax, insurance, whatevs. And, yes, save your 'rent' in a separate account marked 'Our future house!'

You will save overall, by halving your living costs. You will also build up some savings, either to see you set up should the worst happen, or to share when you are married.

He will save by having half his living costs - other than the mortgage - paid for, and that's already quite a biggie. He should also put these savings into a separate account marked 'ditto'!

Yes, you will likely be saving more overall than him, but the sacrifices - increased commuting costs and time, and moving to an area where you ideally do not want to live - are also yours. Call it 'compensation'...

If you want to buy a few more couply treats than him in order to redress a perceived imbalance, that's your call. If you both want to sit down and try and put a value on this, then, that's up to you two. But, really?

This should be a 'casual' agreement, with no ties should the worst happen - no acrimony, no sitting down with a calculator, both of you saying, "It was good while it lasted - all the best", and walk away. (Well, you'll be walking...) For him to insist on actual contributions towards his mortgage, and a signed 'pre-nupt' to ensure you have no claim on it, is, well, just not very nice.

This 👆
Your suggestion OP is more than fair and if he can’t see that I would be seriously questioning if he is the right one.  TBH if he gets everything his own way at this stage then it doesn’t bode well for your future relationship 

propertyrental

Don't move in.

There are far too many issues within the relationship for you to be giving up your independence, your home etc, 

If you haven't been able to discuss this and reach a fair and equitable arrangement, and have had to resort to wierdos on the internet giving you advice, then you are not ready to live together. And certainly not on the terms proposed.

Either walk away from your partner (plenty of fish!) or suggest that he move in with you, in your chosen location, and contribute to building up your savings or equity. 

Think he'll agree?

penners324

Counter offer, half mortgage interest and he pays the extra petrol/diesel costs of that commute

Emmia

propertyrental said:

Don't move in.

There are far too many issues within the relationship for you to be giving up your independence, your home etc, 

If you haven't been able to discuss this and reach a fair and equitable arrangement, and have had to resort to wierdos on the internet giving you advice, then you are not ready to live together. And certainly not on the terms proposed.

Either walk away from your partner (plenty of fish!) or suggest that he move in with you, in your chosen location, and contribute to building up your savings or equity. 

Think he'll agree?

I think the OP is renting, so not building equity...

But he could move in with them, and they could split the rent/bills putting the difference away in separate savings accounts (not joint).

The mortgaged property would need to be rented out, the only difficulty really is if the relationship founders then he probably has as much right to live in the jointly rented property (I'm assuming he'd be on the tenancy) as she does.

Personally though, this type of situation rings all sorts of alarm bells for me, and I'd be actively reconsidering this relationship.

OP, presumably you stay overnight with your OH sometimes - where does that (mostly) happen, at yours? His (does he insist)? Or about 50/50 between the two locations? 

newsgroupmonkey_

MikeJXE said:

Too many red flag, he's only interested in himself, end it and move on

I don't normally take the mumsnet approach, but I'm with you on this one.

GiantTCR

zoe_r15 said:

He then wants to split the mortgage and bills 50/50. He also wants me to sign an agreement to say I do not have a stake in his house if we were to split. 

This would be enough to make me decide to leave him.

A loving and trusting partner would never ask this.

Leave the loser and move on.

JGreenwood

I was considering something like this with my girlfriend. She doesn't have much savings to contribute towards a deposit, however if we want our own place, she could live in my house. I would pay mortgage, and she could contribute towards certain bills whilst she attains some savings to land us in a position where she can make a more equal contribution on a property if we were to move again.

Money can be a difficult discussion with loved ones, but just be open and honest with what you want.

Marvel1

I would not move in and definately not buy together.