Follow the Yellow Brick Road 2023

SandyShores

Thanks LWAP, over 9000 steps today and did a relaxation class.  Surprising how much better I feel after that - I've missed exercise.

I did a lot of decluttering and organising over the summer, and somehow ran out of steam.  So its good to join the flylady thread and I'm getting inspiration there.  I keep opening the freezer to have a look inside, I must defrost it more often.  We've a new build so it came ready installed but I didn't realise it wasn't frost free.  Still it makes me clear it out and waiting until MrShores was away was definitely much easier.  

I've a few indoor tasks to do this weekend - sorting plastics and paperwork and I'm hoping to move my ToDo list into my 'ThingsToDo' pad.  Good to have indoor tasks while storm Bert visits.

SandyShores

Update on yesterday's steps - was over 10,000 in the end.  Today's count is over 11.500

Nothing much done on the ToDo list, but I did move everything onto my ThingsToDo pad and it fits on one page!  Also managed my 2nd shop at Morrisons towards earning the £15 bonus.  I'll have almost £30 of nectar points when my Avios exchange comes through and there's £55 sat in my Asda Advantage account to be used by new year. 

Sad news today that Z1pzer0 the receipt scanning app has closed down.  I cashed out £5 a week or two ago, so hopefully that will go through.  There was another £13 waiting to be approved but that's all lost now, still it was only a bit of time lost and I've had well over £100 from it.  I've £10 waiting to be cashed out from the other receipt scanning app, and usually wait to build up to £20 as its a better rate.  But wondering if I should take it now - bird in the hand and all that.

savingholmes

I'd take out any £ you can quickly. Well done on the tidying and decluttering. Glad you are feeling better.

South_coast

I don't think you'll be getting anything from ZipZero, I'm afraid. I had pending cashouts dating back to May and they're all gone. When I tried opening the app following their email, it had a message saying I needed to upgrade to the latest version, when I clicked through to the app store, it no longer existed 

SandyShores

Thanks @South_coast I hadn't realised it had been going on so long.  Last week my balance weirdly went up to about £45, but I knew that wasn't the case so just ignored it thinking it will correct itself.  But when I tried to log in this weekend I just couldn't get in and then saw the message on FB. 

The last payment I received was for £10 back in February and I'd asked for another £5 a few weeks ago, but was waiting to see if that showed up on the phone bill.  Not yet, and I agree highly unlikely that it will now.  Its a shame as it was an easy way to make a bit of money.  Its not the first time this has happened to Zipzero - although it seems that this time its well and truly gone.  I can't grumble, it was good while it lasted.

The other receipt scanning app seems to be going strong still so I may chance waiting until the next pay point, which is another 30 receipts scanned.  Fingers crossed.

SandyShores

KajiKita said:

Okay, so for me, what I would be wanting to understand from this review are things like:

- How can I spot a toxic environment upfront and never accept the job? What were the warning signs that I can see now, with hindsight, but missed / ignored with the aim of being polite, needing the job, accepting as ‘that’s the way it is’, etc.? 

- If I end up in such an environment again (it may not be a job, it might be a new relationship or a short term interaction with the friend of a friend) how do I protect and defend myself so that relevant, useful feedback filters through to me that I can and will act on, but I can block all the BS / manipulation / politics / cliquey behaviour - or however the toxicity manifested? 

- Is there something in my personal history that meant I was particularly susceptible to the particular version of toxicity in that environment?  If you find something here - this might be worth exploring in more formal counselling. 

Great advice from Kajikita and worth working through so I've copied it over.

I have most definitely been naive with previous jobs, not even anticipating some issues could be a possibility.  These days I use pre-interview as a time to dig, asking awkward questions and really trying to find out if the environment is a match for me.  I've got a list of questions plus I know I also have to be brutally honest with myself about the long term rather than getting overawed and ignoring red flags.

How do I protect myself for the future?  This is really pertinent as I'm fairly frequently getting myself into these situations.  How can you always be on guard for it? I tend to relax and then find I'm in the middle of something I never wanted to be in?  Work situation is like this at the moment and I tend to withdraw/go on the defence.  But in hindsight what I should have done in my really toxic job is 1. seek out someone who will support/champion me.  2. Not engage but take a step back, look at the long view, make a plan and follow through.

Is there something in my personal history?  I'm too helpful and too willing to bend and support. It gets taken for granted.  I say to myself that I won't, but my nice helpful person comes out. I need daily practice, reminders and techniques about this. 

My current wider team has been on the path to dysfunction for a while, which is not great especially considering my tendency to get drawn in.  I looked up toxic work environments online and the first thing was the list below popped up - I recognise all of this - especially no.4.

1. Poor communication. ...
2. High turnover. ...
3. Exclusionary behaviour. ...
4. Unproductive leadership. ...
5. A lack of employee growth and development opportunities. ...
6. Unmotivated coworkers. ...
7. Burnout. ...
8. Find a way to relieve stress outside of work.

It feels good to recognise this though, and I'm already formulating a plan to manage either the situation or my way out of here.

SandyShores

SandyShores said:

Is there something in my personal history?  I'm too helpful and too willing to bend and support. It gets taken for granted.  I say to myself that I won't, but my nice helpful person comes out. I need daily practice, reminders and techniques about this. 

Quoting myself now, but I looked at this again and thought 'Yes'.  I don't like to say no, as I've had experiences where I've said no and then been dropped like a lead balloon.  I tend to keep things going long after I've wanted to stop, and then it sours the whole thing - definitely one for therapy!

KajiKita

Hi @SandyShores, as you referenced me, I hope you don’t mind me responding? 

Firstly, well done on being so honest with yourself. This stuff is hard, but in the shadows you find the gold of the alchemical change of view point or a new way of living or being. 

What I am seeing in what you’ve put, is that you are either not clear about what matters to you or don’t hold it as equal or more important than what others want / expect / demand. 

I think you might want to look at your boundaries - who breaches them, when and why - that will help you unpick why you don’t defend them. 

Do these resonate at all? 

KK

LadyWithAPlan

Lots of wisdom from KK there, and indeed @SandyShores so great you are able to look at yourself from a wider perspective and see what changes you can make.

Its almost like @KajiKita awful ex boss has us all looking at our lives... 

savingholmes

I like the statement 'I deserve to live in peace' - and also 'my life, my vote'. Those two help me keep on course more often. This was linked to a book I read on integrity - but basically telling the truth - 'no I don't want to' or 'no' as a complete sentence are both helpful even if they don't feel like it at first.