Coming to terms with my Mums death.

clive0510

Just an update on this. things now are starting to move. we finally have a funeral date, but its nearly 3 weeks away. we have only just now been able to register the death. the solicitor has the death certificate and now has the task of finding out who is owed money, and also who owes us (mums business) money. 
in the meantime we now have a house and a flat to empty, as well as a shed, a workshop, and a double garage. fortunately there are no vehicles to dispose of. they were all sold a few years back. 
so yes we are moving forward. one step at a time.

AttractingMoreMoney

clive0510 said:

My Mum passed away thursday last week. and I am really struggling to get my head round it. I was so looking forward to seeing her at xmas. ( she lived 250 miles from here). I am really kicking myself because I knew she was very ill and I was advised by her carers and also members of the family 'if you want to see mum get here now'. and I didn't. I just kept working and going about my daily life. the only thing I can say is that she was in no pain at the end. she was on a high dosage of morphine. I have made a promise to my mum and my dad that I will think of them every day for the rest of my life. 
Thank you for reading my post.

Hi Clive, 

When you were advised to go and see her, did you carry on working because it was you way of coping?
My mum passed away in November, but I gave up work to support her not long after her diagnosis. Even then, I nearly missed her last breath. Thankfully, I could tell by the hospice staff's movement down the corridor something was amiss and ran to her room just as she breathed her last breath. I couldn't have done things any other way, but everyone copes with the reality of losing a loved one differently.

clive0510

AttractingMoreMoney said:

clive0510 said:

My Mum passed away thursday last week. and I am really struggling to get my head round it. I was so looking forward to seeing her at xmas. ( she lived 250 miles from here). I am really kicking myself because I knew she was very ill and I was advised by her carers and also members of the family 'if you want to see mum get here now'. and I didn't. I just kept working and going about my daily life. the only thing I can say is that she was in no pain at the end. she was on a high dosage of morphine. I have made a promise to my mum and my dad that I will think of them every day for the rest of my life. 
Thank you for reading my post.

Hi Clive, 

When you were advised to go and see her, did you carry on working because it was you way of coping?
My mum passed away in November, but I gave up work to support her not long after her diagnosis. Even then, I nearly missed her last breath. Thankfully, I could tell by the hospice staff's movement down the corridor something was amiss and ran to her room just as she breathed her last breath. I couldn't have done things any other way, but everyone copes with the reality of losing a loved one differently.

no. I carried on working because firstly my colleuage and I work as a two man team. we are not a huge orginisation where cover can be provided at the drop of a hat.
secondly mum was hopefully going to be with us at christmas and I was going to be having the festive seasion with mum in her house with me chief cook and bottle washer. 
it did not happen. 
the phone call I got at work on thursda\y 15 dec, stopped my world. 
but I'm getting stronger now. I'm back to work. we have the funeral this week. 
what I'm currently going through is something every body has to deal with.
take care everyone.

poppystar

Very pleased that things are getting a bit easier. I was not with one of my parents when they died but both times I got great solace from visiting them in the funeral home. This, for me, was a real chance to say goodbye away from the busyness of the funeral. I know some people don’t want to do that but I am so glad I did. 

AttractingMoreMoney

clive0510 said:

AttractingMoreMoney said:

clive0510 said:

My Mum passed away thursday last week. and I am really struggling to get my head round it. I was so looking forward to seeing her at xmas. ( she lived 250 miles from here). I am really kicking myself because I knew she was very ill and I was advised by her carers and also members of the family 'if you want to see mum get here now'. and I didn't. I just kept working and going about my daily life. the only thing I can say is that she was in no pain at the end. she was on a high dosage of morphine. I have made a promise to my mum and my dad that I will think of them every day for the rest of my life. 
Thank you for reading my post.

Hi Clive, 

When you were advised to go and see her, did you carry on working because it was you way of coping?
My mum passed away in November, but I gave up work to support her not long after her diagnosis. Even then, I nearly missed her last breath. Thankfully, I could tell by the hospice staff's movement down the corridor something was amiss and ran to her room just as she breathed her last breath. I couldn't have done things any other way, but everyone copes with the reality of losing a loved one differently.

no. I carried on working because firstly my colleuage and I work as a two man team. we are not a huge orginisation where cover can be provided at the drop of a hat.
secondly mum was hopefully going to be with us at christmas and I was going to be having the festive seasion with mum in her house with me chief cook and bottle washer. 
it did not happen. 
the phone call I got at work on thursda\y 15 dec, stopped my world. 
but I'm getting stronger now. I'm back to work. we have the funeral this week. 
what I'm currently going through is something every body has to deal with.
take care everyone.

Thanks for your reply and all the best with your mum's funeral. 

BungalowBel

Like several people on here have already mentioned, I missed my mum's last breath because, despite being with her for hours before, I went home to have a shower and some sleep and she died while I was gone.  I was told that this often happens because they don't want their loved ones to see them die.

It's easy to berate yourself for something you feel you failed on; I'm sure it happens to everyone after a bereavement of a loved family member.

Just remember your mum with love.  She'd like that.

scoot65

BungalowBel said:

Like several people on here have already mentioned, I missed my mum's last breath because, despite being with her for hours before, I went home to have a shower and some sleep and she died while I was gone.  I was told that this often happens because they don't want their loved ones to see them die.

Interesting to read that. My elderly father came home from hospital on "end of life" medication.

A hospital bed was provided and set up in the living room. For just over two days I was with my father almost constantly and on the morning of his death, I left the room to give myself 10 mins or so to myself. Upon re-entering the room were Dad was, the room was silent and I knew instantly that he had died.

I did wonder if somehow he knew that I'd left the room and that he'd waited until then to pass away, to save me from witnessing him die...... His one last act of love towards me perhaps.

This happened over a year ago and I think about him daily.      

Flugelhorn

Happens more often than people realise - they very frequently go when the nearest and dearest has left the room - some feel it is a bit of the ultimate relaxation, the senses are no longer aware of the person sitting with them. 

Pennylane

scoot65 said:

BungalowBel said:

Like several people on here have already mentioned, I missed my mum's last breath because, despite being with her for hours before, I went home to have a shower and some sleep and she died while I was gone.  I was told that this often happens because they don't want their loved ones to see them die.

Interesting to read that. My elderly father came home from hospital on "end of life" medication.

A hospital bed was provided and set up in the living room. For just over two days I was with my father almost constantly and on the morning of his death, I left the room to give myself 10 mins or so to myself. Upon re-entering the room were Dad was, the room was silent and I knew instantly that he had died.

I did wonder if somehow he knew that I'd left the room and that he'd waited until then to pass away, to save me from witnessing him die...... His one last act of love towards me perhaps.

This happened over a year ago and I think about him daily.      

Did you see my earlier post?  Exactly the same thing happened to me.  the care home staff says it often happens.  hearing is the last sense to go and I had actually said to my Mum that I was popping home for a short while but told her I loved her and said she could let go now so in a way I was not surprised when they rang to say she had passed. My brother said she just took one big breath and was gone really peacefully.  

scoot65

Pennylane said:

scoot65 said:

BungalowBel said:

Like several people on here have already mentioned, I missed my mum's last breath because, despite being with her for hours before, I went home to have a shower and some sleep and she died while I was gone.  I was told that this often happens because they don't want their loved ones to see them die.

Interesting to read that. My elderly father came home from hospital on "end of life" medication.

A hospital bed was provided and set up in the living room. For just over two days I was with my father almost constantly and on the morning of his death, I left the room to give myself 10 mins or so to myself. Upon re-entering the room were Dad was, the room was silent and I knew instantly that he had died.

I did wonder if somehow he knew that I'd left the room and that he'd waited until then to pass away, to save me from witnessing him die...... His one last act of love towards me perhaps.

This happened over a year ago and I think about him daily.      

Did you see my earlier post?  Exactly the same thing happened to me.  the care home staff says it often happens.  hearing is the last sense to go and I had actually said to my Mum that I was popping home for a short while but told her I loved her and said she could let go now so in a way I was not surprised when they rang to say she had passed. My brother said she just took one big breath and was gone really peacefully.  

Yes, I did read you post and immediately thought about my Dad.

It's strange, when I lost my Mam and then a couple of years later, Dad passed away, although I'm a guy in his mid / late fifties, I immediately felt like a small child again who was lost and just wanted their parents back to make everything feel alright again...........In fact, I often still feel like that at times now.