2023 DECLUTTERING CAMPAIGN Mrs SD

-taff

Keiths_Mum said:

Over the years I have tried so many times to go through my parents stuff and I have got rid of a few things but often I will open one of the boxes and close it after a very short while as it quickly becomes overwhelming. I have mentioned to my brother that i want to get rid of a lot of it and he said he would like to see what I'm getting rid of in case he wants it. He also took a fair amount of stuff at the time and has got rid of some of it. I might wait until the next time he is here to sort my parents stuff out, although I feel he is more sentimental than me, so not sure how helpful this will be.

...My brother is the same he'll say 'oh, I don't have my car, can you keep it for me', then takes an age to collect.

I think I need to give him a time limit, like 'if you don't take it within 3 months, it goes to charity'.

My Dad was a bit if a hoarder and I think we both are as a result. My Mum was the opposite always trying to get stuff out of the house, a bit too extreme, which also may have given us a tendancy to hoard.

My sister lives in our childhood house. We've lost both parents now but the house is exactly as it was when they were alive, my mother has been gone for seven years, my father for three, but due to lockdowns etc I haven't been able to give her a hand. This year i will be going there more regularly tohelp but I think she finds it difficult because she feels everything must have a value, things can't simply be gotten rid of, she hasn't yet fully taken on board that even though these things were important to them, we are not spitting on their memory if they are not as important to us.

Yes, I would like to see every item be used or sold or useful but the amount of stuff there is, its simpy impossible. I already have one house that is fully outfitted with stuff, I can't rehome that much. but it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate these things were important to them. I will keep things that remind me of my mother nd father, who weirdly, I miss more with each passing year, I think I am realising more and more what I did lose, and a few items that mean something is better than a houseful of ornaments.

It IS difficult, but different strokes etc, just remember, you're not denigrating their design choices, you just have your own.

DrCarrie

I did a little bit today...washing up rack and packaging from a delivery. Realising it the everyday stuff as well aa the areas sort out and then close the door on it!

Muddy_Walker

I managed to spend some time outside in the garden today and decluttered mud and leaves from the patio…..I am actually a lazy gardener as small leaves and mud get slung onto the beds as mulch/worm food. Also decluttered a load of tiny snails into the green bin……then the light ran out so dog number 1 got a good walk.
absolutely dreading work tomorrow 😢, am very tense and feeling quite sick yet I know by lunchtime I should be ok.

Floss

-taff said:

  

It IS difficult, but different strokes etc, just remember, you're not denigrating their design choices, you just have your own.

It's also not denigrating memories if you don't wish to / cannot keep everything.

My 3 brothers & I have lost both our parents (32 & 17 years ago) and we cleared a 4-bed detached house. As we all had our own homes we didn't need anything, but each of us has a few carefully chosen things that we use & love. I have my parents bedroom furniture: 2 wardrobes, dressing table & bedside cabinet, bought when they were married in 1954.

daisy_1571

Brie said

And the weird once very expensive stuff of my mom's - anyone know what to do with a full length wolf fur coat?  And the 1950s mink fur wraps?? (all got donated to a local theatre company eventually

Fur  coats wraps stoles etc - I believe zoos sometimes want these as they are used for new borns who need a furry bed.  Perhaps animal charities may be a second possibility 

Daisy xx

mfwin2019

No decluttering today as visited relatives. 
Loving the idea of 23minutes of something every day.  I think I will try and do 23 minutes of self care, tidying, cleaning or decluttering. Today was self care - cut and filed nails, they look and feel so much better

TC77

@Keiths_Mum i do feel for you. I've come down to my dad's for a couple of days- he died last year (Feb) and my mum in 2010. I can only come down in school holidays really but my brother is here alot but mainly doing his own work. I open boxes of letters and put them away feeling overwhelmed- i wanted to go through soon after he died and sort out what to keep but DB said he wanted to go through all carefully so I left and now don't feel up to it. I am naturally a collector but have been called a hoarder by my kids. My dad was interested in everything from carpentry, sailing, arts, a scientist by background and have hundreds of books. Months ago I brought stickers for us to indicate what we want but we didn't follow through. I'm taking a few things that are useful and I really like, taking a very simple wooden floor lamp, leaving 2 metal ones and 2 ornate wooden ones ! I am trying to give away and sell things and take little to the tip. reckon we're a 1/10th of the way through but may be optimistic. I've lists of books and trying to see if some are saleable but some are going to Oxfam. I want some furniture but DB doesn't seem to want to let this go. So want to take a 1950s coffee pot (if I find all the parts) and leave the giant 19th mincer despite it being a great gadget. I need to make space in my house and today having been taking pics of things and sending to my kids (older teen and early 20s) to see if interested as I don't want to burden them. Telling DB to take stuff for his 20+ kids but few things like vases /pictures we say and if we want same things will have a discussion. hundreds of VHS operas/art etc , then DVDs and CDs. I have set up a staging area on the sofa of things I don't want for DB to take or I will take to CS/tip when I'm next down.

Be kind to yourself.

So nothing out today but some will be coming home with me tomorrow, and a DVD player sold and posted off - will count then. Still depending if I count incoming things and at least get a minus figure overall!

charlies_tribe

Evening. Didn't go as planned today. Went to bed fine last night but then laid listening to DD3 coughing. Finally dropped off and suddenly woke about 2 wondering if I had indigestion or was going to be sick. Ended up downstairs a bit later as felt awful followed by DD3 who also said 'she felt sick in her mouth' neither of us have actually been sick but felt awful all day and DD3 is still coughing.

While doing dinner I did spot quite a bit of manky fruit (children will only eat it in school lunch, don't touch it when at home so lots of half empty punnets from mid December) and massive amounts of veg peel/leftovers that had been sent for the rabbit, theres no way he could get through it all. So gave the fridge a good clear out while dinner was cooking.
Cleared out 100 emails (all from today!) And that's it, just lots of tea decluttered from under my blanket.
Laid in bed now hoping to sleep as DS1 is back at work tomorrow, DS2 back at college and DD3 has a hospital appointment, everything almost back to normal and christmas already seems so far away.

11 100 emails
12-26 fridge contents (I feel bad there was so much)

daisy_1571

Keiths_Mum said:

My brother is the same he'll say 'oh, I don't have my car, can you keep it for me', then takes an age to collect.

I think I need to give him a time limit, like 'if you don't take it within 3 months, it goes to charity'.

    3 months?  I think you meant to type 'by the weekend'.   

If these are difficult areas for you both to deal with, having made a decision once, neither of you should be having to make more decisions at future dates (as is likely to happen if you wait 3 months to look at it again) and as importantly it is very unfair of you to condemn yourself to looking at/working around/moving/storing/being aware of that item for another 3 months.  If he has great excuses lined up to dodge taking responsibility immediately, then I am fairly sure he will have another excuse in future and you'll haveit another 3 months.

I'd bet you only need to follow through once for him to realise you find it just as hard as him but he can't keep shelving the decision onto others.  Possessions aren't the person.   You are doing them no disservice by finding new homes for their possessions.  Its likely if they could talk to you now they would be sad you are agonising over their stuff.

Good luck with it all

Daisy xx

bit_by_bit

Wow. That was a long read. Some great decluttering going on here. 

I did what I intended today. Took SiL and DD home to Manchester with a trip to Salford thrown in as DD's friend just moved to Manchester and needed to do a big shop. DH came and shared the driving without being asked. I really appreciated that.

With them went a bag of wool and a bag of cat things for SiL plus a large cat home thing my brother gave me but my cat wasn't interested. SiL cat had a look inside straight away as I put a catnip toy in there. She also had a good go on the scratching post we gave them.

Once home and after tea I have taken all the Christmas decs down and they are neatly packed away for the loft tomorrow night.

I also found the blanket I an crocheting but put it away at Christmas. 

MiL and FiL are going on a cruise Friday and I do not think they are ready.  I know my MiL hasn't packed yet as her case is in my loft. Also she needs cash, covid tests, facemasks and a health declaration. All documents  need to printed sorted and passports, insurance docs etc. 

DH is sorting music and Apps for their phones.

I finish childcare duties at about 4pm tomorrow so DH and I will need to sort it then.

Right. Off to bed as an early start for me.