Debt stopping us from starting a family

failinggirlboss

Thank you all for your messages. It’s really nice to have this space to come too as I don’t talk about this to anyone other than my husband and even though I think about it pretty much all of the time, I don’t like to keep bringing it up. 

I’m hoping that childcare won’t be too much of an issue for us although I do understand it will still be an expense. Both of our mums work part time so they would be on hand. We both also have the ability to work from home and have very understanding employers, so this could also help (although I do appreciate working and have a baby around would be a big challenge!!).

@enthusiasticsaver In hindsight, especially with how the housing market has gone since, I am glad we didn’t go down the homeowner loan route and I will feel much happier about this when I pay everything back myself. This is all certainly keeping me on track to the point that I question myself every time I make a financial decision and ask if I’m doing the right thing. I’ve never felt so motivated to get rid of it all. 

@diystarter7 I have thought about the 2nd job but I currently work full time and work 9 hour days so a 2nd job currently seems a bit too much of a push. It’s not something I would rule out though if the right thing came along and could be quite flexible. We both do things like elections when it comes around so this is a great extra source of income. My current job is pretty decent pay for our area/my experience and has a lot of perks such as being within walking distance because we only have one car. We live in quite a rural area so finding good jobs locally can be pretty difficult unfortunately. 

@theoretica I have asked my husband to find this out. Fortunately, he is a local authority worker so I have a feeling it will be a pretty good package, whatever it is. 

@powerspowers We have been through our outgoings and they are already stripped pretty bare! Other than my debts, I have my phone bill. And same for my husband as well his sports membership (if he didn’t have this then I think we would both drive each other crazy)… everything else goes into the joint account (bills are often reviewed) and savings most months. We shop at Tesco but I know I could be a bit more savvy with food shopping, meal prepping etc. This is a working progress… I just talk about it being my problem because I caused it. But he is very onboard with supporting me and is trying to get as much away in savings as possible so that we have that ready if my pay changes. His income will fortunately cover my contribution to the joint bills as well so again, this can happen if my pay goes down. I just don’t want to feel like I’m being ‘bailed out’ and want to try to do as much as I can myself. My current job has a lot of perks so I would be very reluctant to leave. It’s also on my doorstep which saves a lot of travel expenses. But not something I would rule out if the right job came along. 

@poppy811 I’d be more than happy to go for second hand and I know we would have to be savvy when making purchases. I have already sold quite a lot through Vinted which has really helped recently. The surveys I haven’t had so much luck with, not sure if I’ve been picking the wrong ones? 

@mnkone I’m really pleased to read that you made it work. It’s nice to read things like this and makes me feel a little bit more hopeful - so thank you for that. I don’t feel too precious over getting things brand new so second hand will definitely be an option. My husband is working on the savings while I work on the debt so hopefully this will all come together. 

@MissPennySave I currently avoid looking in the baby section of department stores because the amount of different things that they sell is unreal! It’s put a lot of pressure on people but trying not to take too much notice of it. I will rely on my mum and my mother-in-laws advice as they did it without all the modcons. 

@MattMattMattUK I mentioned in another reply I think that the second job has been considered but doesn’t feel like an option currently. I work full time and typically work 9 hour days. My husband also uses our only car for his job so it’s not easy getting around when he is using the car. We do odd things like elections so we do try where we can and this really helps boost our savings.

diystarter7

Hi OP

As I have more insight on who and where you are ATM and your plans - I'm certain that whatever you two decide, the outcome will be good.

Best wishes for the future to both of you and the family you plan

failinggirlboss

diystarter7 said:

Hi OP

As I have more insight on who and where you are ATM and your plans - I'm certain that whatever you two decide, the outcome will be good.

Best wishes for the future to both of you and the family you plan

Thank you. Really appreciate it  

enthusiasticsaver

Well done for looking into this now, I agree this is a joint issue so finding a solution which works for both of you makes sense. Use this time to get your finances in order, save for maternity leave and cut back everywhere else you can. You won’t regret it as worrying about money when you are sleep deprived (which you will be with a new baby) would be awful. Also you are not yet 30 so addressing this now is sensible. Lots have children in their 30s so no reason to think fertility will be an issue unless you have reason to be concerned. Good you will have family support to help with childcare costs. We looked after our grandchildren once or twice a week before they started school but some grandparents are not willing to commit so make sure you are all on the same page when you get to that point. 

failinggirlboss

enthusiasticsaver said:

Well done for looking into this now, I agree this is a joint issue so finding a solution which works for both of you makes sense. Use this time to get your finances in order, save for maternity leave and cut back everywhere else you can. You won’t regret it as worrying about money when you are sleep deprived (which you will be with a new baby) would be awful. Also you are not yet 30 so addressing this now is sensible. Lots have children in their 30s so no reason to think fertility will be an issue unless you have reason to be concerned. Good you will have family support to help with childcare costs. We looked after our grandchildren once or twice a week before they started school but some grandparents are not willing to commit so make sure you are all on the same page when you get to that point. 

@enthusiasticsaver You have made some really valid points here - thank you. Sleep deprivation really affects me now, let alone with a baby! So this is even more motivation to get sorted. Your point about checking with parents before hand about childcare has also made me realise we need to have a proper chat with them… but maybe this is something for when we are feeling more ready. My first thought is they will be fighting over babysitting duties but like you said, it’s best to make sure.

failinggirlboss

I’ve just been looking at my finances for next year as I want 2023 to be a real frugal one. I really want to focus on my finances and my health… both of which will help our situation. These are my outgoings from March onwards as I have 2 separate payments finishing in January and February… 

£650 standing order to joint account which covers my contribution towards mortgage, household bills and groceries
£150 standing order to my husband which is my contribution to the car and fuel
£721.93 debt repayments (all listed in my initial post)
£53.44 EE - this will hopefully go down to about £25 in February as I’m changing to sim only as soon as my contract ends
£100 standing order to our joint savings account (this our account for household expenses, car expenses, and eventually will become our ‘maternity pot’)
£30 standing order to my office thrift account which will pay out £300 in October for Christmas! 

£16.88 Klarna repayment for a camera but the last payment for this is in January

This leaves me with a monthly disposable income for myself of: 
January: £150.40
February: £167.28
March onwards: £192.82 

From March this will give me £45 a week. There luckily isn’t much left that I need to buy. It’s usually my pot for personal purchases like clothing/makeup/haircuts, birthdays and social events. It’s going to need some hard work… Not feeling pressurised to do things we can’t afford. Not going over the top on birthdays. I like the idea of no spend days but would love to know any more ideas/ways of saving money and being as frugal as possible….. x 

failinggirlboss

Ahhh so annoyed! Have just been looking through my Clear Score report and noticed a default on there for last month… of £3!!! This is all because I did a switch from Lloyds to TSB (for the cash back offer) and even though I left £3 in for the Club Lloyds fee, they moved it over to my new account and have now put it down as a failed payment because it has gone into arrears. Will call them tomorrow to pay and I am really hoping they will backdate my credit file and remove this as really don’t feel it’s my fault. Especially such a ridiculous amount If they don’t, I think I can request a correction through Equifax?? Ahhh so angry. Really hope this is resolved easily. 

powerspowers

Oh no! Sorry no advice on the credit file. 

Thanks for your responses to all the comments, it definitely sounds like you’ve got your head screwed on. I’m sure you’ll reach your goals!

I find that making small overpayments throughout the month help. When you make a frugal choice, chuck the money at the debt. Have milestones and celebrate them. 😁 good luck!!

failinggirlboss

@powerspowersThank you I just really hope the whole ‘head screwed on’ thing continues and hopefully coming back to this diary will be one of the things that helps.

I created a pot alongside my bank account last night called ‘overpayments’ and I am going to use this to build up small amounts to pay off extra bits. Especially if I save more money through the frugalness… so this is the plan  

Abbafan1972

failinggirlboss said:

I’ve just been looking at my finances for next year as I want 2023 to be a real frugal one. I really want to focus on my finances and my health… both of which will help our situation. These are my outgoings from March onwards as I have 2 separate payments finishing in January and February… 

£650 standing order to joint account which covers my contribution towards mortgage, household bills and groceries
£150 standing order to my husband which is my contribution to the car and fuel
£721.93 debt repayments (all listed in my initial post)
£53.44 EE - this will hopefully go down to about £25 in February as I’m changing to sim only as soon as my contract ends
£100 standing order to our joint savings account (this our account for household expenses, car expenses, and eventually will become our ‘maternity pot’)
£30 standing order to my office thrift account which will pay out £300 in October for Christmas! 

£16.88 Klarna repayment for a camera but the last payment for this is in January

This leaves me with a monthly disposable income for myself of: 
January: £150.40
February: £167.28
March onwards: £192.82 

From March this will give me £45 a week. There luckily isn’t much left that I need to buy. It’s usually my pot for personal purchases like clothing/makeup/haircuts, birthdays and social events. It’s going to need some hard work… Not feeling pressurised to do things we can’t afford. Not going over the top on birthdays. I like the idea of no spend days but would love to know any more ideas/ways of saving money and being as frugal as possible….. x 

The bit in bold - £25 for a sim only deal seems excessive. Shop around for a better deal. Mine is £6 a month.