Ding! Ding! All change, please... (now replaced with new diary on MFW)

savingholmes

I agree these boards are educational. I've done my will but still need to set up a POA. I've told some of my family my main laptop and phone password and said with that they can get to my financial spreadsheets - but doesn't mean they retained it though.

EH - the new agent sounds a lot better. I won't look at a place without a floor plan it is just too annoying and it makes it harder to compare properties.

Makingabobor2

Reading these last few posts....and not wanting to hijack your diary @EssexHebridean, it has made me really think a lot more about setting up a more up to date and easy to understand system. Although I have things written in a book, I'm not sure they are easy enough to understand and find for DH....he is a man, and men seem to think differently to us women. I am always telling him to think outside the box and he never does. So I think I am going to get a folder and start again with it all and that way I can up date it all a lot easier if I need to. Also I think I may think about POA's for us both, with my DD & DS as the person to deal with stuff if either myself or DH can't.  In the last year I know 2 chaps who have passed away suddenly, one aged 47 & one of 32. So you just never know. My worry about writing it all down, is if anyone should get hold of it, but maybe I could put it all in a box with a code on to get into? I just think its easier to have these things in paper form and not just on computer. Thankyou, to whoever started this discussion, for making me think of these things. I will get on it next week I think. 

badmemory

Personally I think if you are in a conventional living arrangement (as in married with 2 kids type) then the POAs are more important than a will as the rules of intestacy will apply.  But if you don't have a POA you can be stuck with difficulty accessing money & with doctors/hospitals refusing to tell you anything.

Crazycatlady2

I assumed being married meant you didn’t need a POA so I should look into that I guess. I know we only 40 but mil didn’t expect what happened to her at 67 either 

badmemory

POAs should have a second string.  So if something happens to both of you then a third takes on the duties.  Really it is a form of insurance.  Like so many things such as having your flu or covid jab.  Remember that next of kin has no meaning in law.

Makingabobor2

badmemory said:

POAs should have a second string.  So if something happens to both of you then a third takes on the duties.  Really it is a form of insurance.  Like so many things such as having your flu or covid jab.  Remember that next of kin has no meaning in law.

They do...when we set up my dad's we put my sister and I down, but it said we could put 3rd & 4th people down as well, in case anything happened to us. 

MrsPorridge

My goodness - I keep meaning to set something up for if I suddenly "go".  I do all the finances and have tried to show DH but he is not interested.  I did start to do a folder with accounts etc., so at least DS could help out, but then I stopped.  I really must get my head together and sort something out.

Starlight_at_Sea

Sorry to continue the hijack of your thread EH!  

In case it helps anyone: We have found the POA very useful to have had ready in advance of my parents decline. Some things that it's helped with, or helped to do:

Ages ago, my parents showed a copy of the POA to their main bank, possibly they photocopied it, or just noted on the file.

When I needed to make use of it, I was very daunted about what I would need to do (and also very upset because of the circs, and because accessing other people's finances in their absence is not comfortable). Because it had already been seen and noted, actually all I needed to do was go into the bank with my ID and explain we needed to invoke it. I cried a lot on that trip but the bank staff know what to do. They were great. 

Part of the reason we needed to invoke it was that one parent - the one who does all the financial stuff - was hospitalised and was very unwell. As they became unwell they began doing some unusual and unintentional things financially - closing bank accounts even though they had DD coming from them for important bills, purchasing things etc.

The other parent doesn't touch anything online banking, is not even comfortable giving card details over the phone. They were very much a cash person! They didn't know what was in the joint account or how to move money from joint savings to joint accounts. The unpaid bills letters were very stressful on top of everything else going on. 

Our nearest banks to do things as they preferred in person were now a 25 min drive away, and only open very short hours. I could have gone with them but was at the hospital 90 min away all hours instead. 

Using the POA meant I could access my parents accounts and find out about the unusual spending that had happened, stop new donations and payment schemes they had set up, and also redirect the direct debits as the letters and phone calls arrived saying things hadn't been paid happened.  This wasn't age related or dementia - it was a confusion from changing calcium levels and reaction to medication, which could happen to any of us at anytime. 

 It also made it possible to use their account through a POA card in my name for things like a wheelchair and medical equipment and some new furniture that had to be done online. Otherwise I would have had to have done this using my own funds.  This meant I could do all the dealing with the suppliers without having to pretend to be them! 

The health POA has been very useful at times as the various hospital systems are not joined up, so things like Do not Resuscitate decisions did not move from doctors practice to hospital etc. The health POA has meant I could access my parents records just as they could have checked them themselves (but a NOK or carer, not necessarily so). I've found quite a few errors in the recording of medicines taken, background, allergies info that way.  It's also meant I could be in more of the treatment conversations as my parents representative when they were very ill.

As they have got better and worse at different times they have taken that role back, then as they got worse I had it again. Something that I do recommend for people having ongoing treatment at a hospital is to ask the medical clerks to store a scanned copy of the health POA on the patient's medical notes. I had a difficult conversation recently that could have been avoided if this had happened. 

I actually have had a POA set up since I was about 25, but not for health reasons. I was travelling overseas for work and needed a way that  financial things could  be acted on in my absence, pre internet banking etc!  Now I've seen them working I am very relieved to have this in place as a safety net, and have put in place a health one too.  As a single person I'm not sure who would otherwise carry the financial burden of things I might need doing for me. 

Starlight_at_Sea

If I could also say, finding my mum's notes on various documents in a folder with all of the important things was a great source of comfort to me in those scary days. It was like having my mum back briefly. And I really felt cared for in that she had spent time doing things the definitely did make it easier for me.  It reminded me that she had been a very organised and on-it kind of person, when she was behaving very differently at the time. 

I didn't want to listen in advance of all of this either my mum has had this folder for about a decade, and I've only gradually taken more notice of it. I think if loved ones know enough to know where the key info is, and you've made it as easy to interpret as you can, then you have done a very loving thing. 

Makingabobor2

Starlight_at_Sea said:

If I could also say, finding my mum's notes on various documents in a folder with all of the important things was a great source of comfort to me in those scary days. It was like having my mum back briefly. And I really felt cared for in that she had spent time doing things the definitely did make it easier for me.  It reminded me that she had been a very organised and on-it kind of person, when she was behaving very differently at the time. 

I didn't want to listen in advance of all of this either my mum has had this folder for about a decade, and I've only gradually taken more notice of it. I think if loved ones know enough to know where the key info is, and you've made it as easy to interpret as you can, then you have done a very loving thing. 

This is so true. This is something we have tried to tell DH's parents, FIL is now nearly 85 and MIL 76. FIL does all the finance stuff and MIL doesn't have a clue, just has her own bank acc with her pension. When we did my dad's POA, we told In Laws what a good idea it was, but they aren't interested. They won't talk about anything health, death or finance related ever. Even when MIL had cancer they wouldn't discuss it and we didn't even find out for ages. Very worrying as it will all fall on DH and his sister when the time comes.