Trying to create a legal promissory note to repay husband due to a hurtful comment made by him.

[Deleted User]

@accidentalglixch how have you been getting on, it's been a week since you've been on 🤔

goldieandblackie

Time for a divorce!

Farfetch1

End the relationship, !!!!!!.

Why people feel the need to carry these things on is beyond me.

Exodi

I really struggle reading threads like this - whereby people fill in the blanks with their own narrative.

superbigal said:

Buy yourself 2 Steaks.  Cook them.   Put them both on your plate and eat them in plane site of his empty plate.
Point should be made.

SusieT said:

Perhaps point out to him that he is now required to do 50% of shopping, cooking and all household tasks.

So are we just assuming that, because he is a man, he doesn't do any cooking, shopping or any household tasks? I can't see anywhere in this thread where the OP has suggested this is the case.

I won't even comment on the knee-jerk responses of "divorce him" that proliferate any thread about an argument posted by a woman.

The OP's partner thinks he's paying more than his fair share, the OPs original plan was to repay some of this suggests that she may even agree on some level.

While the majority of the fantastic posters on this thread have suggested sitting down and talking this out (which I absolutely think is the right thing to do, there obviously appears to be serious issues at play here) - it is very sad that these threads often turn into 'divorce bandwagons'.

As others have said, my partner and I split our bills based on our income (if I earn twice as much, I'll pay twice as much towards the bills) - but my relationship is not the same as the OP's.

annabanana82 said:

I'd probably cut the chase and go for divorce

Purbeck14 said:

Get rid of him, get a life, get a backbone

horsewithnoname said:

Divorce. Job done. 

goldieandblackie said:

Time for a divorce!

Farfetch1 said:

End the relationship, !!!!!!

Exodi

born_again said:

molerat said:

MrsM has hardly contributed financially to the household in the 40+ years we have been married.  Has that worried me - not one little bit.  A sad state of affairs when you can't look past hard cash !

Like you Mrs BA has not worked had a proper paying employment for 30+ years. But without her hard work looking after home & raising daughter. Where would we be...

Do I begrudge her one day of that 30 years. Hell no. Long may housewifes (if I may call them that) rule. They are more important than the person that goes out to work.

So OP just ignore their sour grapes & remind them of your marriage wows. As it is pure emotional abuse🤬 

Does the OP even have children as I can't see that this has been mentioned? Is the OP a housewife as I understood that they also worked, possibly full time?
Too much filling in of the blanks.

EssexHebridean

Some great points made by Exodi above - and some solid common sense, too! 

We none of us know hat goes on behind closed doors - and all we see in a thread like this is one side of the argument. Yes, on the face of it, it does seem like a sad situation which has perhaps run its course. But we don't know what happens on the other 364 days of the year, in real terms. 

OP - I don't even know if you'll come back to this - but if you do, my thoughts on the subject. Marriage is a partnership - and there are many more ways to contribute to it than simply financial. In our household, I manage most of the financial stuff, ensure that savings are earning the best rates, mostly shop around for the best prices for bigger purchases, plan most of our social stuff - holidays etc, do most of the cooking and have project managed the complete strip and rebuild of both our kitchen and bathroom. MrEH meanwhile (usually) does the "dirty" jobs, gets up half an hour ahead of me each day and makes our lunches for work before bringing me my first cuppa of the day, is more than often the "designated driver" when one is required on trips out, contributes nearly 3 x per month what I do financially, hangs out the washing and usually loads the dishwasher. of course those two lists are both just a snapshot of what we both do - but that gives an idea of the division of tasks.He EARNS more money - I am mostly the one that makes sure that what comes in is put to best use - and that in itself is a financial contribution.  There is far more to a successful partnership than simply earning money - and if the amount earned is a primary relevant factor, that would suggest to me that perhaps the partnership isn't really that successful.

You have inferred that you are not happy - and that divorce could well be a possibility. Assuming that is the case and that was not just the heat of emotion speaking after a row, then for goodness sake do NOT make this document "real" -  leave it in the ether of the internet, and start making a list instead of all the ways you have contributed towards the household whether financial or practical. The risk that it will come back and bite you on the behind if real animosity surfaces later are huge. 

I really hope you sort things out in whichever way is right for you. 

strawb_shortcake

Exodi said:

I really struggle reading threads like this - whereby people fill in the blanks with their own narrative.

superbigal said:

Buy yourself 2 Steaks.  Cook them.   Put them both on your plate and eat them in plane site of his empty plate.
Point should be made.

SusieT said:

Perhaps point out to him that he is now required to do 50% of shopping, cooking and all household tasks.

So are we just assuming that, because he is a man, he doesn't do any cooking, shopping or any household tasks? I can't see anywhere in this thread where the OP has suggested this is the case.

I won't even comment on the knee-jerk responses of "divorce him" that proliferate any thread about an argument posted by a woman.

The OP's partner thinks he's paying more than his fair share, the OPs original plan was to repay some of this suggests that she may even agree on some level.

While the majority of the fantastic posters on this thread have suggested sitting down and talking this out (which I absolutely think is the right thing to do, there obviously appears to be serious issues at play here) - it is very sad that these threads often turn into 'divorce bandwagons'.

As others have said, my partner and I split our bills based on our income (if I earn twice as much, I'll pay twice as much towards the bills) - but my relationship is not the same as the OP's.

annabanana82 said:

I'd probably cut the chase and go for divorce

Purbeck14 said:

Get rid of him, get a life, get a backbone

horsewithnoname said:

Divorce. Job done. 

goldieandblackie said:

Time for a divorce!

Farfetch1 said:

End the relationship, !!!!!!

You conveniently missed out my first point of talking to him once the air had cooled

Exodi

annabanana82 said:

Exodi said:

I really struggle reading threads like this - whereby people fill in the blanks with their own narrative.

superbigal said:

Buy yourself 2 Steaks.  Cook them.   Put them both on your plate and eat them in plane site of his empty plate.
Point should be made.

SusieT said:

Perhaps point out to him that he is now required to do 50% of shopping, cooking and all household tasks.

So are we just assuming that, because he is a man, he doesn't do any cooking, shopping or any household tasks? I can't see anywhere in this thread where the OP has suggested this is the case.

I won't even comment on the knee-jerk responses of "divorce him" that proliferate any thread about an argument posted by a woman.

The OP's partner thinks he's paying more than his fair share, the OPs original plan was to repay some of this suggests that she may even agree on some level.

While the majority of the fantastic posters on this thread have suggested sitting down and talking this out (which I absolutely think is the right thing to do, there obviously appears to be serious issues at play here) - it is very sad that these threads often turn into 'divorce bandwagons'.

As others have said, my partner and I split our bills based on our income (if I earn twice as much, I'll pay twice as much towards the bills) - but my relationship is not the same as the OP's.

annabanana82 said:

I'd probably cut the chase and go for divorce

Purbeck14 said:

Get rid of him, get a life, get a backbone

horsewithnoname said:

Divorce. Job done. 

goldieandblackie said:

Time for a divorce!

Farfetch1 said:

End the relationship, !!!!!!

You conveniently missed out my first point of talking to him once the air had cooled

Nothing convenient, I didn't quote it because it wasn't relevant. But it is ironic that you have cherry-picked your own comment here - you said 'if this is a one off argument then I'd speak to him' (but) 'if this is a recurring argument I'd probably cut the chase and go for divorce'.

As if something that is brought up more than once isn't worth talking about, when in reality the opposite is true.

Viewers remain entitled to go back and read your post to form their own opinion.

Ath_Wat

Yeah, as far as I can see what we have from the OP is that her husband normally pays for most things and doesn't as he earns more, but has once - and we don't know what led to it - said that he pays for most things, and the OP has reacted badly to that.  There's no suggestion the OP is any sort of "homemaker" any more than the husband is.

I don't really see where anyone reading this as "domestic abuse" is coming from.

I personally don't understand why anyone married doesn't just have a joint account into which both pay everything coming in and spend everything going out, but I do know some people make it work without that, so it is possible.  Keeping track of who pays for takeaways doesn't seem to be to be compatible with a good relationship though.

Ath_Wat

Exodi said:

The OP's partner thinks he's paying more than his fair share, the OPs original plan was to repay some of this suggests that she may even agree on some level.

I don't disagree with most of what you say, but would point out that to me, as they are married, his fair share is everything that he has.  And her fair share is everything that she has.