Trying to create a legal promissory note to repay husband due to a hurtful comment made by him.

accidentalglixch

I wrote a promissory note last night using various free legal resources and tried to make it as professional and legally binding as possible. This is because my husband implied last night that "I live off of his hard work and salary" and that I don't pay for anything of high value (he paid the house deposit, our dog, central heating installation etc outright).

We've never agreed on me 'borrowing' the money or anything legally binding. But, after his comment, I feel like it's the only way to prove that I don't live off of him and that, out of spite, I'll pay him back for the things he claims I don't help pay for. I want to demonstrate to him that I am SERIOUS about repaying him, so that he has no ground to stand on with comments like these, and that he has the legal right to obtain the funds from me if I do not attempt to repay him. This statement, more than anything else, utterly killed me on the inside.

Would this be seen as a legal note?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vRBDoEU42Cyxlz9mH6Bo0j_7pN0o09LR24fhjJ2GSzHDLRaAjalN4kM1diJF_bgcUrdUoQ4R7YQZJ5c/pub

Also what happens if he refuses to sign this promissory note?

Reasons why I am taking 'brash' action against the statement made:

• I've always offered to pay for items or put money towards items or send him extra money than he's asked for (For Example, he'd only ask for half of take-out and usually if I have enough, I transfer him the funds for all of it without his knowledge as he says he'd give me it back as he doesn't want me to send that much over)

• 99% of the time he tells me he will pay for the items and doesn't expect me to pay the costs

• Sometimes we agree to pay 50% of the cost if it is a large amount of money

• He claimed last night that I never paid for the central heating nor for Remi or the house deposit. He never asked me to even when I asked to put money towards things and I've just put £5,000 in our joint account that I saved up for us.

• He admitted he wasn't going to ask for funds for big costs such as the central heating or taking out a loan to get windows fixed.

[Deleted User]

Just open a joint account and agree a % payment into it every month that covers that bills, balanced vs your relative incomes, way easier than this

superbigal

Buy yourself 2 Steaks.  Cook them.   Put them both on your plate and eat them in plane site of his empty plate.
Point should be made.

accidentalglixch

Deleted_User said:

Just open a joint account and agree a % payment into it every month that covers that bills, balanced vs your relative incomes, way easier than this

We have a joint account where I have already moved £5,000 over from my savings and ry to put £200 at least in the savings or the maximum i can whilst leaving me with money for us/our dog/my own savings 

What I earn in 3 months, he earns in 1 month. 
I try to pay my way by:

£300-£400 on food,
£150 on council tax
£9.99 on amazon which he has usage of as well
£7.99 on Disney + so HE can watch star wars stuff
I buy the dog stuff he needs apart from his food,
I buy little stuff needed for the house like toothbrush holder/soap dish etc as he complained the bathroom looked messy as we didn't have those before,
I buy him treats when I am out

I work as well from 8am-5.30pm , i pick up on a lot of house chores too whilst dealing with Fibromyalgia.

But now i see that it is nothing of value and well. if he wants to say that i don't make payments then I will bloody prove i will That's why I feel like I have to sign this promissory note because our agreements get chucked in my face 

MovingForwards

It's ongoing issues you've got with your husband, a promissory note won't make any difference and I doubt would stand up in court without some form of emotional force and coercion running through a judge's mind.

A heart to heart sit down to get to the root cause, with fair discussions about both contributing to regular and planned outgoings, with reviews when job changes etc happen. If that doesn't work then there's no point carrying on with the relationship. 

Phoenix_35

Sorry, but it seems from the above that your husband doesn't consider what you contribute to the household as having value. You contribute just as much as he does but not all in monetary form. You don't owe your husband a thing, you are both contributing to the costs of running the household and if he can't see that then that's a conversation that needs to be had. 

I hope it all works out for you.

[Deleted User]

Do not sign a promisory note, you have no need to. This is your HUSBAND not someone you owe, like  a trader or a bank! You have a disparity in what you earn and pay what you can into a joint account, so he can't expect you to go halves on things, you work and pay for things he uses and food etc. If he won't sit down and discuss it properly, make a budget sheet that details every last penny you and he spend, and what proportion of YOUR wages is actually spent on you in comparison to his wage.    Personally I would not give him a note, more like notice! 

MalMonroe

I think this is really sad. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, where both partners share and discuss and tell each other if they are not happy with the way things are going. And also, call me an old romantic, they LOVE each other.

I think writing notes, of whatever kind, is a tad childish. 

Him making hurtful comments and you feeling very hurt but not telling him is equally childish.

You are in a relationship and you need to talk to each other. You need to discuss what would be agreeable in terms of money. Why does your husband seem to feel aggrieved that he has 'had to pay for everything?' for example. Why has he done so without talking to you about it first? Why hasn't he even broached the subject?

This - " it's the only way to prove that I don't live off of him and that, out of spite, I'll pay him back for the things he claims I don't help pay for. I want to demonstrate to him that I am SERIOUS about repaying him, so that he has no ground to stand on with comments like these, and that he has the legal right to obtain the funds from me if I do not attempt to repay him" - is not something that people who are in a loving relationship do. 

It seems that you and your husband have a lot to talk about. Sorry to say that it does seem to be a very unhappy marriage. 

I think writing notes, being spiteful and talking legally are not going to help. Talking and finding out what each of you really wants should help. If you can't talk to the person who is meant to be the one you can rely on and turn to and love, then who can you talk to?

Please do try to start a conversation so that you can thrash out the matters that are important to you both. Money shouldn't be one of them, to my mind.

Just my opinion, obviously. But reading your post made me feel incredibly sad.

molerat

MrsM has hardly contributed financially to the household in the 40+ years we have been married.  Has that worried me - not one little bit.  A sad state of affairs when you can't look past hard cash !

[Deleted User]

To be scrupulously fair ( having vented frustration on some dough in the kitchen!) , though there is no excuse for making the hurtful comment to you, and not talking about it sensibly is there any chance he is genuinely worried about finances with the cost of living being what it is, and was just lashing out in a moment of worry ? Might he be concerned that his job is safe?   

accidentalglixch

i hav tried to tell him i conribute as best as i can, and why he cant say those things because he told me not to... 
he wont listen, he won't read any notes i write bu if its legal, then i was doing it to show him if that's what it takes for me to show him what i do for him... I've brought a ledger to write down everything i spend on him, house, remi,  joint savings etc