NEW BLOG. Featuring tips and pics from pet owners of the MSE Forum, we present to you Homemade pet toy ideas. Take a look

Money Moral Dilemma: Friends' wedding will be smaller than mine was, so should I get a smaller gift?

edited 1 November 2022 at 1:59PM in Weddings & anniversaries
39 replies 34.2K views


  • Mouseboy007Mouseboy007 Forumite
    33 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    My friend gave me a lift in his 10yr old Ford Focus, should I buy a ferret?

    ^ This statement and question have as much relation to each other as this 'Dilemma' 
  • tom5640tom5640 Forumite
    16 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Oh dear, is that all the your world has to worry about? In that case, can I have an invitation to your world?
  • silvercarsilvercar Forumite, Ambassador
    45.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Name Dropper
    I think this is more common in America, particularly New York. The starting point of accepting an invitation is that the present will cover the cost of hosting you and move upwards from there, depending how close a relative or friend the guests are.

    In those circles, the parents are paying for the wedding, so starting their children off by receiving generous presents.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on The Coronavirus Boards as well as the housing, mortgages and student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to [email protected] (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of
  • LizrobsonLizrobson Forumite
    9 Posts
    Third Anniversary First Post
    I can't believe you are asking this question! Of course you SHOULD NOT base the cost of the gift you intend to give on what your 'friend' has bought you or on the size of her wedding. People spend what they can afford on their wedding. Perhaps your friend can not afford a lavish affair, or can think of better things to do with her money. Base the cost of your gift on the closeness of your friendship...nothing more.
  • jazzdyjazzdy Forumite
    1 Post
    First Post
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    I’m going to a wedding soon and the couple getting married came to mine, which was an all-day event including a three-course meal and an evening buffet. They gave us £30 and a bottle of Prosecco as a present. Their wedding doesn’t start until 5pm, and the invitation says only entrées will be served. Because of that, I'm planning to give them a gift of similar value to the one they gave us - usually I’d spend more, but given their wedding will be a smaller event, is it OK to spend less?

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

    B) If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
    :/ Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
    I am thinking that your friends may not be as well off as you! Therefore give them a more generous gift as would befit a real friendship.
  • Chris_JayChris_Jay Forumite
    56 Posts
    Third Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper
    My brother's wedding cost a small fortune, and all I could afford at the time was £20. They sent me a beautiful thank you letter, and said how happy it had made them that I had managed to get to the church etc, given the distance involved (other side of the country) and my own health issues. Obviously they knew my financial situation, which was dire, and were sincerely happy for my attendance. They've since picked me up and brought me home for other family events, despite still living many miles from me. Isn't that what it's really all about? Kindness and compassion for others less well-off, less able to do things that many people take for granted?
  • PaulTeePaulTee Forumite
    11 Posts
    10 Posts Second Anniversary
    I hope your 'friends' have read your dilemma and made it easy for you by telling you that your presence at their wedding is no longer required and nor is your so called friendship.
  • NunOfTheAboveNunOfTheAbove Forumite
    1 Post
    First Post
    I can’t believe that people actually think like this! I certainly wouldn’t want you as my ‘friend’.
  • crmismcrmism Forumite
    299 Posts
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Posts
    Could it be that your friends just aren't as well-off as you are, and simply can't afford a more extravagent celebration? Mindful of that, don't begrudge them a decent present on their very special day, as I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Energy Price Cap change

Martin Lewis on what it means for you

MSE News

Best £1 you've ever spent?

Share your most impressive bargains

MSE Forum