Diary of a 30-something idiot

CoffeeSonata

Managing to pay that much off is a huge acheivement. 

The £150 -  would probably use it to pay my friends back first. Stepchange and those creditors can wait, it ticks over, they are big businesses. Friends need that money.  Paying them first reduced stress to you, to them and the proportion each month. 

I would either give it straight to a friend in one go, OR put it to one side and use it to fund in advance two month's worth of payments to friends, meaning you get ahead by setting aside each month so it stabilises cashflow and makes it eaiser month to month. 

I agree that priority should be friends' loans then stepchange, and  not to worry or make too much of paying of stepchange debts quickly to get them gone. 

You will get there. There isn't a race, or rush for those. That also goes for taking into account paying off the debt quickly and losing capital and assets by another house sale to be able to pay a whole chunk (at the expense of long-term living and worth and happiness.)   I get you want gone, but it might not be the best overall long term decision. There isn't an emergency or crisis to get it gone, it's not charging interest, as long as you pay the monthly amounts it can be handled and is now more like a long term loan. Very doable. 

Hard to accept, and annoying to think there will be  a payment there for a while, but it isn't actually a critical thing. 
And those companies can and will wait.  Agree with reframing in brain. 

I'd prioritise friend debt. 
If I was absolutely sure it wouldn't be needed to stabilise income, or for an upcoming essential expense - I'd pay back a friend, or use it to make sure I could pay my agreed amount for the next few months without stress. 

Stepchange can wait. 

Yay on the grocery card. For me, it made all the difference. It's discipline and a challenge to get used to seeing it as set grocery money, not a pot you can pull from to cover elsewhere. But the less mental energy when you experience a month knowing grocery and food is all covered, is a huge relief. Really it is. 

millymolly22

Well done on the progress this week and I can tell you feel the relief this has brought to you.
Please sit back and live within your budget for a few months before thinking of selling your home.
Stepchange is there for a reason small payments paid to every debtor until you are in a position to pay more or pay them off.
Your friends should receive any excess income you have towards their debt.  They are good friends to lend you money and you shouldn't take advantage of their help.  Once they are paid off your outgoings will reduce again.

cocalls

I agree with others-stepchange can wait, if you can pay some off to your friends. Then do everything you can to stick to the budget. You mention that youve paid off 10k but your first soa said you had 37,465 debt-did the debt then go up?
I really feel for you as a fellow autistic with ADD and im worried youre heading for burnout. Are you taking medication for your ADHD? If not i'd recommend going to your drs and see if you can get some or counselling. Keep up the book club and anything else that give you happiness. Is there any reason why your husband cant do the grocery shop or change the sheets on the bed. What does he do all day while you are out of the house for 11 hrs? 

Petal88

Great news about Prowaste! Is it worth getting your vitamin D and iron levels checked out to see if your tiredness is related to that at all?

When will your new specs arrive?

millymolly22

If you can't trust DH to shop or have access to the shopping money do you have a supermarket delivery service available to you.  My food budget is better controlled doing an online food shop and I totally agree with you that after working all day the last thing you need is to walk round a supermarket doing a big shop.

Kim_13

I also wonder about a thyroid check - turned out to be the cause when my mum felt similarly exhausted some years ago now. Easily sorted with a regular prescription.

stymied

Did you say at one point that you might be able to pay off your handset to reduce your phone contract cost? Would the £150 cover that? It would be good to use it to free up more of your income each month. Definitely don’t spend it on a StepChange debt x

Cherryfudge

Lovely to hear about Prowaste!

Re the tiredness, you say no amount of caffeine is helping. I'd second having blood tests because anaemia or hypothyroidism are real (been there, done that and the treatment makes a world of difference). If blood tests make you feel tactile defensive, is there a way to cope with that? Could a friend support you? Could you explain to the surgery beforehand that it's an issue, and see if they can help?

Of course, I'm not saying it can't be sheer tiredness, especially as you've dealt with such a lot of very challenging changes.

My last suggestion on those lines would be to reduce the caffeine, in case it's still affecting while you're asleep and making your sleep less effective. I also find a build up of coffee in my body - even decaff - makes me anxious, even when there's nothing to be anxious about (which is how I spotted the problem: after all when there are things to worry about, we attribute blame to those. When there's nothing looming and I'm still anxious, it had to be something else).

foxandflowers

I've done my food shop this morning, for the next 3 weeks, including easter eggs for the kids. Only things we ought to need now is milk/bread/butter/fresh fruit/loo roll/eggs on a weekly basis. Using a combination of freezer diving and Asda offers the next two weeks worth of dinners look as follows. It came to £170, which is about £57 a week. 

Chicken wings & sweetcorn fritters
Homemade pizzas x2 nights
Spaghetti bolognese
Shepherds pie x2 nights
Pasta & meatballs 
Fish finger sandwiches with mushy peas
Chicken tikka masala
Lamb cutlets with celeriac puree and honey carrots
Duck breast with celeriac puree and honey carrots
Sausage mash & beans
Sunday Roast
Chicken wrapped in bacon with broccoli & garlic rice
Smoked salmon & scrambled eggs on toast
Cheesy green pasta 
Kedgeree
Turkey fajitas
Toad in the hole
Cowboy pie
Tuna mayo pasta
Fishfinger pies with mash & peas
Kievs, leftover veg & mash
Omelette leftovers.

My weekly food budget is £80. So I have £23 left each week to spend on a "top up" until week 4, when I will need to do another big shop. I will see how this method works. I've got picky bits for work lunches too. And eggs and bread for lunches at home. There's always eggs! Eggs on toast, fried egg sandwiches, eggs with soldiers, omelette with leftovers. We are an egg family.

My weekly fuel budget will need adjusting - it cost us £90 to fill the van from 'reserve fuel' to full. If I assign £90 a week then that is £360 a month, which is £110 over what I budgeted. Bummer. I won't know until the end of the period how much fuel we actually use, and if filling it up weekly will work. I know we need to fill it more often when the kids are down because of the back and forth, and fill it up less on the alternate weeks, but I'm not sure how that evens out yet. 

I've put my fuel budget to £300 a month, and my groceries budget to £400, moving the £50 over. Hopefully that will be enough. 

I'm constantly looking at my budget for next month and wondering if it is going to work and if I've allocated things correctly. Suppose the proof will be in the pudding. 4 days until it resets. 

foxandflowers

Also, thanks about the comments about iron levels. I'm permanently a low level anaemic, but I think a lot of the tiredness is due to masking at work and being out of the house for 12 hours a day before I can drop my guard and get into bed with my Switch, or my Kindle and stop pretending to be more functional than I am. And we've had a really really busy fortnight, so I haven't had any real alone time, or time to regulate. I am riding a hamster wheel of chaos. It is entirely the consequences of my own actions, but it is still no fun, and I would like to get off. This weekend is our kid free weekend, and I am going to bed tonight at 8pm with a movie, in clean bedding, and will be non verbal then until I've had a coffee on Saturday morning.